Some scary facts

[Bionca]

Originally Posted by johndowe

Hi there.

Bionca, this isn't a perfet world, most people are weak, you seem not to be, since i don't know you that's all i can say, if you date a weak person and you know it, i would hope you wouldn't expect him to be a tower of strength when push comes to shove, your boyfreind and all others who like shemales but don't speak up for you, usually don't even speak up for themselves, how can you expect them to speak up for you? They are afraid of life, they are afraid of not fitting in, they embrace the status quo, because they are afraid of change, as i think about this, i'm begining to think you were right and i was wrong, anyway there are alot more follower than leaders, and there is stigma to being labeled gay, as in gay bashing, a little undesrtanding can go a long way in resolving problems.

Also ask your brothers, they should be able to confirm this, most guys don't know how to fight, and because of that, avoid confrontations, better be a live coward than a dead hero, but what they don't realise is that if they were to stand up for themselves one in a while they wouldn't become dead heroes, but maby they would gain a little respect for themdelves and maby a bit of self respect? And even if they get beat up, at least they would have stood up for something, but as in pretty much everything the first time is usually the hardest.

In conclusion, i think we were both a bit harsh, you in judging those who didn't stand-up for you and other t-girls and me for reacting to your harshness, but you could stand to chill out a bit.

JohnDowe.

One should expect the person they are dating to respect them enough to defend them, atleast verbally. I'm not expecting someone to take a bullet for me, I do expect that they won't lie about knowing me.

I absolutely understand that there is a stigma attached to being thought of as gay. To the general population, I'm super-ultra-gay. Also, I lived through that part - what else were the boys in school to think of me growing up? So that fear, that stigma is something every trans woman deals with or has has had to deal with. We just don't have the option to deny knowing us, or run back to our wife/gf/friends if things get heavy.

As far as the talk of violence, it isn't guys who date trans women getting beaten and murdered. It's the trans women. It isn't guys who date trans women who have a 70% rate of being sexually assaulted. Forgive me if I find it difficult to feel sympathy for shame that obviously must come from dating me after I mourned the loss of so many women - women who could have just as easily been me. Forgive me if I can't relate to the pain of men who may have to disclose their means of income who can't put up a notice on their porn site for one day out of a year. Forgive me if I can't help but notice that this same shame and pain is not shared by many of the women who date gals like me.

[johndowe]

Hi there.

I didn't say you should (over) sympathise, i said understanding, and be a bit less harsh.

And i notice that we ARE off subject, someone will be giving us a warning, so if you want to continue this conversation start a new thread.

JohnDowe.

[ila]

I would like to wade into the ongoing controversy here. There are too many points raised to address each one individually so I'll reply generally.

First I would like to say that Bionca doesn't despise or hate all men. Anyone who gets to know Bionca will know that she has a very good relationship with men. A reading of her posts and her blog shows that she is consistent in what she says. Bionca has said that she does not like the cowards who date transwoman and then deny that they know the woman, will not defend them, are afraid to be seen with them, and assault the women that they say they care about. Bionca has every right to feel this way about cowards.

As men we cannot even come close to understanding what transwomen go through every minute of every day. We should show more sensitivity and understanding. And most of all it's time we stood up for transwomen each and every day.

I have great respect for every transwoman. Surely the men on this site can help in every little way possible. Start by acknowledging Transgender Day of Remembrance. Stand up for transwomen every time you hear derogatory comments about them (I do now and I'm happy to do so). Talk about trans issues when you can (I do that too). You will be surprised how much your friends and co-workers are willing to listen.