To Hell with all of It

[Bionca]

Originally Posted by ocinteeni

I have never heard of the Trans Day of Remembrance. But Bionca, I say that the guys here on the forum are on your side with this, I definitely can't speak for all the users here, but for the many who have meaningful dialogue about real trans issues, this is definitely important to us. I guess what I'm asking is to encourage us instead of lecturing us (I always finish reading your posts feeling like I have a hand in the all the bad things that are directed towards trans people). Because for many users on this forum we truly are trying to improve the world for trans people by speaking and acting tolerance.

And I also would like to ask you for you opinion, if I never had attended any sort of day of remembrance or some sort of peaceful protest about human injustice would you say I am the active cause of the the hate or injustice directed towards some specific group of people? For example if an organized protest took place to bring awareness for spousal abuse and I didn't attend but I also do not abuse my spouse, would you consider me to be a part of why spousal abuse still occurs?

And Bionca I truly am sorry for the terrible situation your friend is in, if the authority won't help her at least she has you as a really strong friend to count on.

Good points. First, I surely don't intend to imply that any single person here has a direct hand in any bad (or good) thing that has happened. Those events belong to the people who participated in them.

As to your example, given the information provided, no I wouldn't say you would be a part to why spousal abuse happens. But, what if your friend was talking about how they abused their spouce the other night? Or you saw someone abusing their spouce? Doing nothing in that situation is (probably for you) the safe thing to do, and many people would feel odd confronting a friend or stepping into a situation. But, it wouldn't be a helpful thing to do.

It is clear that there is a stigma attached to being with Trans*women - like there is a stigma to being a trans*woman. I know of plenty of t-gals who are active in various ways to change society's perceptions of us. The interesting thing is off the top of my head I can't think of one of them who is dating anyone. I can't think of one "admirer" who runs anything other than an erotic website (if their sites have anything at all to do with Trans* stuff). I know plenty of gals who won't "come out" simply to protect their fellas. Fellas who have no problem "ewwwing" at the big reveal in the Crying Game or making jokes about trannys with their buddies.

Don't get me wrong, there are plenty of decent guys. Guys who are happy to be with their t-girlfriends. But I run into way more guys who want a "dirty little secret". Nothing will change for you or us unless we make it one side of this equation isn't going to get much good done.