what is anal sex like?

[gretchen]

I have never had anal sex. But ever since I was 7 I started using like, my Mothers eye brow brush handle. Then moved up to tooth brush handles. OMG it felt wonderful. As I aged over 50 years I used homemade dildos, from toilet paper rolls, original small coke bottles (this was neat because the poop would go into the bottle) The biggest candle I ever used was 5" long and 21/2 inches wide. Lube used was either soap, Vaseline, or baby oil.

At 10 I gave my first blowjob to an older boy in the park. The next time I saw him, he called to me, I was afraid and ran away. At 11 a boy in my building and I began fooling around. I do believe I gave him blowjobs but I can't remember (is this normal?) doing it. It's like my mind won't let me remember. I do remember he tried to but fuck me. But I told him it hurt and made him stop.

Over the next 30 years I used all kinds of home made dildos. I got good at making them and no one ever knew. My Aunt almost caught me when she found some leftovers I had not yet thrown away. Her question was "Are you OK? Do you need help? Can I help you?. I told her everything was OK. I loved her very much and to this day wish I had asked her for help.

To this day I've never been able to have real anal sex or knowingly give a blowjob. I don't like men, don't find them attractive at all, but I do love cock.

My fantasies are all I have now. I can't get it up (Severe case of ED) anymore. But if I finger it like I do/did to my wife I ooze out a kind of nice tasting clear liquid or maybe it's pre-cum. I do have an organism when I do it. My wife hasn't been interested in sex of any kind since 1998. I have no anger for her she has her own problems and we have made a decent life for us these many years. Is this wrong of me to keep our relationship together all this time. Deigning my true self for us. I hope not. It may have been the one good thing I've ever done.

I know for all of my life I've been and am sexually confused. And forced myself to fit into the social norm. And still do for all of my 60+ years

When the time comes (not for a while yet I hope) I may leave instructions to put a nice brunette pixie wig, some sexy underwear, stockings and a slinky dress in my box.

Is all this crazy or what? What do you ladies think?
Bye Loves
Gretchen