funny joke!

[johndowe]

Originally Posted by ila

I can understand why. This is an inane sexist joke. Society no longer tolerates sexist jokes about women so why should sexist jokes about men be tolerated?

Insanely sexist?

What are you talking about?

It is a bit sexist, yes, but i have seen (heard) MANY jokes that were WAY MORE SEXIST, and i WAS quoting (many) women.

You say society, but in effect it is women and their inability to take any criticism that do not tolerate any sexist jokes about women but sexist jokes against men are fine in their book.

I don't know about you, but I have delt with alot of women in many types of relationships and encounters and they have always shown themselves to be mean, petty, vindictive and take themselves way too seriously, and if there is a way to take a simple positive statement in a negative way they will find it.

In conclusion, it is a joke, it IS funny, and that should be the end of that.


Oh, Yeah, Why should sexist jokes against men be tolerated?

Because we aren't women, and we don't take everything in a tragic context.


JohnDowe.

[franalexes]

.mostly less

[smc]

Originally Posted by johndowe

... You say society, but in effect it is women and their inability to take any criticism that do not tolerate any sexist jokes about women but sexist jokes against men are fine in their book.

"All generalizations are dangerous, even this one." -- Alexandre Dumas

"All generalizations are false, including this one." -- Mark Twain

Originally Posted by johndowe

I don't know about you, but I have delt with alot of women in many types of relationships and encounters and they have always shown themselves to be mean, petty, vindictive and take themselves way too seriously, and if there is a way to take a simple positive statement in a negative way they will find it.

Where they that way when you first met them, or did it happen over time in these "relationship and encounters"? The answer will speak volumes.

[randolph]

Getting old in Florida
Two elderly ladies are sitting on the front porch in Bonita Springs , doing nothing. One lady turns and asks, 'Do you still get horny?' The other replies, 'Oh sure I do.' The first old lady asks, 'What do you do about it?' The second old lady replies, 'I suck a lifesaver.' After a few moments, the first old lady asks, 'Who drives you to the beach?'

[franalexes]

The lady tells her doctor that she has a serious gas problem. Strange thing is, when it comes out it makes no sound and they don't smell.
Is that so, says the doctor. Well, let's complete the physical and check your ears. And he takes a cotton swab and cleans her ears, finds ear wax build up.
Now that I've fixed your hearing let's fix your sinuses...

[ila]

Originally Posted by johndowe

Insanely sexist?

What are you talking about?

I typed INANE, not insane. If you don't know what it means then look up the definition.

Originally Posted by johndowe

It is a bit sexist, yes, but i have seen (heard) MANY jokes that were WAY MORE SEXIST, and i WAS quoting (many) women.

You say society, but in effect it is women and their inability to take any criticism that do not tolerate any sexist jokes about women but sexist jokes against men are fine in their book.

I don't know about you, but I have delt with alot of women in many types of relationships and encounters and they have always shown themselves to be mean, petty, vindictive and take themselves way too seriously, and if there is a way to take a simple positive statement in a negative way they will find it.

In conclusion, it is a joke, it IS funny, and that should be the end of that.

In your opinion it is a joke and it?s funny. In my opinion it is not funny. Also if you go back and look at my reply you will see I was agreeing with the women you told the joke to that defended men.

Originally Posted by johndowe

Oh, Yeah, Why should sexist jokes against men be tolerated?

Because we aren't women, and we don't take everything in a tragic context.


JohnDowe.

Sexist jokes should not be tolerated regardless of who the intended target is.

[ladyboyadmirer]

A sheep farmer was washed up on a beach after a shipwreck. Only one sheep and the sheepdog were washed up with him. After looking around, he realised that they were stranded on a deserted island.

After being there awhile, he got into the habit of taking his two animal companions to the beach every evening to watch the sunset. One particular evening, the sky was a fiery red with beautiful cirrus clouds, the breeze was warm and gentle - a perfect night for romance. As they sat there, the sheep started looking better and better to the lonely man. Soon, he leaned over to the sheep and put his arm around it. But the sheepdog, ever protective of the sheep, growled fiercely until the man took his arm from around the sheep.

After that, the three of them continued to enjoy the sunsets together, but there was no more cuddling. A few weeks passed by and, lo and behold, there was another shipwreck. The only survivor was supermodel Naomi Campbell.

That evening, the man brought Naomi to the evening beach ritual. It was another beautiful evening - red sky, cirrus clouds, a warm and gentle breeze - perfect for a night of romance. Pretty soon, the man started to get 'those feelings' again. He fought the urges as long as he could but he finally gave in and leaned over to Naomi and told her he hadn't had sex for months.
Naomi batted her eyelashes, and blushing asked if there was anything she could do for him.



"Yes," he said, 'Could you please take that f****** dog for a walk?

[siamgirl]

The Cat
We were dressed and ready to go out for the New Year?s Eve Party.
We turned on a night light, turned the answering machine on, covered our pet parakeet and put the cat in the backyard.
We phoned the local cab company and requested a taxi.
The taxi arrived and we opened the front door to leave the house.
As we walked out the door, the cat we had put out in the yard, scoots back into the house. We didn't want the cat shut in the house because she always tries to eat the bird.
My wife goes on out to the taxi, while I went back inside to get the cat. The cat runs upstairs, with me in hot pursuit. Waiting in the cab, my wife doesn't want the driver to know that the house will be empty for the night. So, she explains to the taxi driver that I will be out soon, 'He's just going upstairs to say Goodbye to my mother.'
A few minutes later, I get into the cab. 'Sorry I took so long,' I said, as we drove away. 'That stupid bitch was hiding under the bed. I had to poke her ass with a coat hanger to get her to come out! She tried to take off, so I grabbed her by the neck. Then, I had to wrap her in a blanket to keep her from biting and scratching me. But it worked! I hauled her fat ass downstairs and threw her out into the back yard! She better not shit in the vegetable garden again!'

The silence in the cab became deafening.

[ladyboyadmirer]

Originally Posted by siamgirl

The Cat
A few minutes later, I get into the cab. 'Sorry I took so long,' I said, as we drove away. 'That stupid bitch was hiding under the bed. I had to poke her ass with a coat hanger to get her to come out! She tried to take off, so I grabbed her by the neck. Then, I had to wrap her in a blanket to keep her from biting and scratching me. But it worked! I hauled her fat ass downstairs and threw her out into the back yard! She better not shit in the vegetable garden again!'

Nice one siamgirl


An elderly man is stopped by the police around 1 a. m. and is asked where he is going at this time of night.
The man replies, ?I am going to a lecture about alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the human body?.
The officer then asks, ?Really? Who is giving that lecture at this time of night??

The man replies, ?My wife.

[smc]

One of my students told me this joke earlier this week:

A girl named Mary went to a Christian school. It was pretty progressive; there was even a sex education class. One day, Mary was in the sex education class dozing off, because the hadn't gotten much sleep the night before.

The teacher called on her to answer the question, "What did Eve say after her and Adam had sex the first time?"

Mary didn't respond, and Jimmy -- the boy behind her -- poked her with a pencil.

OUCH!!!" Mary blurted out.

"Correct," said the teacher.

After a few minutes, Mary was nearly asleep again. The teacher called on her again.

"What did Eve say to Adam when she had her fifth child?"

Jimmy came to the rescue again, poking half-asleep Mary again with a pencil. Mary jumped up and shouted, "If you poke me one more time I'm going to break that thing in half."

"Correct," said the teacher.

[franalexes]

An Englishman, Scot and an Irishman were talking about bars with free drinks.
Englishman:" We have a bar where after six drinks, you get one free."
Scotsman:" That's nothing great. We have a bar that serves a freed rink after evry 4th drink."
Irishman: " We got you all beat. At our bars you get free drinks right after walking in and after they decide you have had enough, they take you upstairs and you get laid."
Englishman:" Now did that ever really happen to you personally?"
Irishman: "Well, no. But it happened nine times to my sister."

[smc]

Originally Posted by franalexes

... Irishman: "Well, no. But it happened nine times to my sister."

Well, since we're posting jokes involving Irishmen and sisters:

Padraic Flaherty came home drunk every evening toward ten.
Now, the Missus was never too happy about it, either.

So one night she hides in the cemetery and figures to scare the beejeezus out of him.

As poor Pat wanders by, up from behind a tombstone she jumps in a red devil costume screaming, "Padraic Sean Flaherty, sure and ya' don't give up you're drinkin' and it's to Hell I'll take ye'".

Pat, undaunted, staggered back and demanded, "Who the hell ARE you?".

Too that the Missus replied, "I'm the divil ya' damned old fool".

To which Flaherty remarked,
"Damned glad to meet you sir, I'm married to yer sister."

[smc]

Originally Posted by franalexes

An Englishman, Scot and an Irishman were talking about bars with free drinks. ...

And since we're posting jokes about the Irish and drinking:

Sister Mary Margaret enters O 'Flynn's liquor shop.

"I'd like to buy a bottle of Jameson", she tells O 'Flynn.

The owner of the store shakes his head and frowns. "A bottle of Irish whiskey? And you being a nun too."

"Oh no, no," Sister Mary Margaret exclaims. "It's for Father Reilly. His constipation, you know."

O'Flynn smiles, nods, and puts a bottle of Jameson into a bag.

Sister Mary Margaret pays, takes the bag and goes on her way.

Later that day, O'Flynn closes shop for the day. On his way home he passes an alley. There in the alley is Sister Mary Margaret. She's rip roaring drunk, the empty bottle at her side.

"Sister!" O'Flynn scolds. "And you said it was for Father Reilly's constipation."

"It is," answers Sister Mary Margaret. "When he sees me, he's gonna shit!"

[smc]

Originally Posted by franalexes

An Englishman, Scot and an Irishman were talking about bars with free drinks. ...

And one more, to cover all three nationalities of Fran's inspiring post:

An Englishman, a Scot, and an Irishman walked into a pub. Each ordered a pint of beer. Then a fly landed in each one's beer.

The Englishman, turning slightly green, pushed his beer away and asked for another one.

The Scot took the fly out, shrugged, and drank his beer.

The Irisman pinched the fly between his fingers and yelled, "SPIT IT OUT! SPIT IT OUT!"

[randolph]

Dirty Laundry

A newlywed couple arrived back from honeymoon to move into their tiny new flat.
"Care to go to bed?" the husband asked.
"Shh!" said his blushing bride. "These walls are paper thin. The neighbours will know what you mean! Next time, ask me in code - like, 'Have you left the washing machine door open' - instead."
So, the following night, the husband asks: "I don't suppose you left the washing machine door open, darling?"
"No," she snapped back, "I definitely shut it." Then she rolled over and fell asleep.
The next morning, she woke up feeling a little frisky herself, so she nudged her husband and said: "I think I did leave the washing machine door open after all..."
"Don't worry," said the man. "It was only a small load so I did it by hand."