funny joke!

[mkkhopnao]

Im really sure lots of you are like jokes.

Why not share here your favorite jokes so others can know about it

Below is my favorite joke which is Needles Are Not Nice

Bill and Bob, two children, were sitting outside a clinic. Bill happened to be crying very loudly.
"Why are you crying?" Bob asked.
"I came here for a blood test," sobbed Bill.
"So? Are you afraid?"
"No. For the blood test, they cut my finger.
As Bob heard this, he immediately began crying profusely.
Astonished, Bill stopped his tears and asked Bob, "Why are you crying now?"
To which Bob replied, "I came for a urine test"

Bob was very stupid, thinking his vital will be cut for a urine test
Thanks mate

[dauls]

Daily Telegraph 17th Jan 2011:

A cat has been summoned to do jury service, even after his owners told the court he was "unable to speak and understand English".

Anna Esposito (the cat's owner), wrote to Suffolk Superior Crown Court in Boston, US, to explain that a mistake had been made, but a jury commissioner replied saying the cat, named Tabby Sal, "must attend" on March 23.

Mrs Esposito had included a letter from her vet confirming that the cat was "a domestic short-haired neutered feline".

Tabby Sal had been entered by Mrs Esposito under the 'pets' section of the last census. "When they ask him guilty or not guilty? What's he supposed to say - miaow?"

She said, "Sal is a member of the family so I listed him on the last Census form under pets but there has clearly been a mix-up."

A website for the US judicial system states that jurors are "not expected to speak perfect English".

Tabby_Sal_1805344c.jpg

[smc]

^ Having myself been called to jury duty in Massachusetts, I can assure you that Sal will be no less qualified to sit in judgment of humans than some of the people I observed at the courthouse.

Of course, that probably goes for anywhere.

Our local media has had a f(el)ine time with this story. One lawyer said:

"I?m thinking he?ll probably get picked for a jury since jurors are often picked for their lack of opinion on anything. Then again, most cats are pretty opinionated."

[franalexes]

What's more unlucky than dating a girl with paper tits?
Finding she also has a cardboard box.

[randolph]

Originally Posted by franalexes

What's more unlucky than dating a girl with paper tits?
Finding she also has a cardboard box.

Have you seen "Lars and the real girl", very funny.

[smc]

Originally Posted by randolph

Have you seen "Lars and the real girl", very funny.

Don't you think "tragi-comic" is a more apt descriptor? It seems to call for some empathy.

[randolph]

Originally Posted by smc

Don't you think "tragi-comic" is a more apt descriptor? It seems to call for some empathy.

True enough, the communities support for him was indeed heartwarming and having her elected to the school board was very funny. Also, it turned out not to be a tragedy after all. The love of the community brought him back to reality. A surprisingly good film.

[ladyboyadmirer]

[QUOTE=dauls;172443]Daily Telegraph 17th Jan 2011:

It?s always very comforting to hear that all the ?civilised? and developed nations have their loonies in suchlike institutions.

A few years ago the BBC attempted to take the dwellers of the artificial ?Royston Cave,? Hertfordshire, England to court for not possessing a radio/television licence. The last inhabitants, according to local folklore, were in fact a group of 14th century Knight Templars, who were a religious and military group, often described as warrior monks, originally formed in around 1118 to to protect pilgrims to Jerusalem and the Holy Land.

Lots of red faces at the Beeb no doubt. Amen!

[randolph]

RETIRE WHERE? Here are some of your choices:

You can retire to Phoenix , Arizona where...
1. You are willing to park 3 blocks away because you found shade.
2. You've experienced condensation on your hiney from the hot water in the toilet bowl.
3. You can drive for 4 hours in one direction and never leave town.
4. You have over 100 recipes for Mexican food.
5. You know that "dry heat" is comparable to what hits you in the face when you open your oven door.
6. The 4 seasons are: tolerable, hot, really hot, and ARE YOU KIDDING ME??!!

OR

You can retire to California where...
1. You make over $250,000 and you still can't afford to buy a house.
2. The fastest part of your commute is going down your driveway.
3. You know how to eat an artichoke.
4. You drive your rented Mercedes to your neighborhood block party.
5. When someone asks you how far something is, you tell them how long it will take to get there
rather than how many miles away it is.
6. The 4 seasons are: Fire, Flood, Mud, and Drought.

OR

You can retire to New York City where...
1. You say "the city" and expect everyone to know you mean Manhattan ..
2. You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get from Columbus Circle to Battery Park,
but can't find Wisconsin on a map.
3. You think Central Park is "nature."
4. You believe that being able to swear at people in their own language makes you multi-lingual.
5. You've worn out a car horn. (Ed. Note if you have a car).
6. You think eye contact is an act of aggression.

OR

You can retire to Minnesota where...
1. You only have four spices: salt, pepper, ketchup, and Tabasco ..
2. Halloween costumes fit over parkas.
3. You have more than one recipe for casserole.
4. Sexy lingerie is anything flannel with less than eight buttons.
5. The four seasons are: winter, still winter, almost winter, and construction.

OR

You can retire to the Deep South where...
1. You can rent a movie and buy bait in the same store.
2. "Y'all" is singular and "all y'all" is plural.
3. "He needed killin" is a valid defense.
4. Everyone has 2 first names: Billy Bob, Jimmy Bob, Mary Sue, Betty Jean, Mary Beth, etc.
5. Everything is either "in yonder," "over yonder" or "out yonder." It's important to
know the difference, too.

OR

You can retire to Colorado where...
1. You carry your $3,000 mountain bike atop your $500 car.
2. You tell your husband to pick up Granola on his way home and so he
stops at the day care center.
3. A pass does not involve a football or dating.
4. The top of your head is bald, but you still have a pony tail.

OR

You can retire to the Midwest where...
1. You've never met any celebrities, but the mayor knows your name.
2. Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor.
3. You have had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" on the same day.
4. You end sentences with a preposition: "Where's my coat at?"
5. When asked how your trip was to any exotic place, you say, "It was different!"

OR

FINALLY You can retire to Florida ( The Best ) where.
1. You eat dinner at 3:15 in the afternoon.
2.. All purchases include a coupon of some kind -- even houses and cars.
3. Everyone can recommend an excellent dermatologist.
4. Road construction never ends anywhere in the state.
5. Cars in front of you often appear to be driven by headless people.

[ladyboyadmirer]

Little Tommy


Tommy got kicked out of class today. His teacher asked him,

"Tommy, if I gave you ?20.00 and you gave ?5.00 to Amy,
?5.00 to Katie and ?5.00 to Mary, what would you have?"

Apparently, "Three blowjobs and enough left over for a burger and coke,"
was the wrong answer.

[randolph]

A man calls his wife from the office and says, "Honey, I have been asked to fly to Canada for a fishing trip with my boss and several of his friends. We'll be gone for a long weekend and this is a good opportunity for me to get that promotion I've been wanting. Could you please pack enough clothes for a 3 day weekend...and also would you get out my rod and tackle box from the attic? We're leaving at 4:30 pm from the office and I?ll swing by the house to pick my things up."

Oh! And please pack my new navy blue silk pajamas..?

Being the good wife, she does exactly what her husband asks. Following the long weekend he comes home a little tired, but, otherwise, looking good. The wife welcomes him and asks if he caught many fish.

?Yes! Lots of Walleyes, some Bass, and a few Pike. ...By the way, you forgot to pack my blue silk pajamas.?

The wife replies, "No I didn?t, they're in your tackle box".




Never, never, NEVER try to outsmart a woman!!!

[Enoch Root]

Originally Posted by randolph

A man calls his wife from the office and says, "Honey, I have been asked to fly to Canada for a fishing trip with my boss and several of his friends. We'll be gone for a long weekend and this is a good opportunity for me to get that promotion I've been wanting. Could you please pack enough clothes for a 3 day weekend...and also would you get out my rod and tackle box from the attic? We're leaving at 4:30 pm from the office and I’ll swing by the house to pick my things up."

Oh! And please pack my new navy blue silk pajamas..”

Being the good wife, she does exactly what her husband asks. Following the long weekend he comes home a little tired, but, otherwise, looking good. The wife welcomes him and asks if he caught many fish.

“Yes! Lots of Walleyes, some Bass, and a few Pike. ...By the way, you forgot to pack my blue silk pajamas.”

The wife replies, "No I didn’t, they're in your tackle box".




Never, never, NEVER try to outsmart a woman!!!

It's funny because he's queer.