funny joke!

[johndowe]

Hi there.

There once was a sorceress that lived in a small castle, and it was rumored that she was evil and had done some evil deeds.

So a small army went to her castle and demanded her surrender or suffer the consequences.

She repied to their threat; YOU MEN ARE CHICKENS...

They laughed, until they started to change into chickens...

And for the nex few months she had chicken soup, roasted chicken, making the best of the situation.


When she was about to run out of chickens, another small army was pounding at her door,

threatening to ram down the door and to take her by force.

Tired of eating chicken, she replied; YOU GUYS ARE LAMBS...

As she expected they laughed for a little while until they started to become lambs.

And as before the sorceress had a lot to eat for the next few months, lamb chops, lamb burgers and many other lamb dishes.


She had run out of lambs and was a bit anoyed that she now only had vegetables that she grew in her garden to eat when a

third small army came a knocking to her door demanding her surrender, by now she knew the drill, and tought about what

to turn the men into, thinking about what she would like to eat, and ham and pork chops came to her and her mouth watered

at the tought, so she went to her tower and said: YOU MEN ARE ALL PIGS...

She felt the magic exude from her body and the men booed her and then started to make fun of her, BUT they did not transform,

and they rammed the door down and captured easily the magically drainned sorceress and brought her to town where she was

tried convicted and burned her at the stake.


The morale of this story is two folds, the sorceress was secluded from the world and was ignorant of it's workings and

subequently she didn't know what every (other) woman knows; MEN ARE PIGS.


I told the joke to a few women, thinking they would agree wholehartedly, but to my surprize they defended men.


JohnDowe.

[ila]

Originally Posted by johndowe

......I told the joke to a few women, thinking they would agree wholehartedly, but to my surprize they defended men.


JohnDowe.

I can understand why. This is an inane sexist joke. Society no longer tolerates sexist jokes about women so why should sexist jokes about men be tolerated?

[siamgirl]

I love this section and have giggled so much, thanks to all that have contributed. Here is my latest......

A dog lover, whose dog was a female and "on heat'', agreed to look after her neighbour?s male dog while they were away on vacation. She had a large house however and believed that she could keep them apart, but as she was drifting off to sleep she heard awful howling and moaning sounds, rushed downstairs and found the dogs locked together, in obvious pain and unable to disengage as so frequently happens when they mate.
Unable to separate them and perplexed as to what to do next, although it was late, she called the vet, who answered in a very grumpy voice.
Having explained the problem to him, the vet said, "Hang up the phone and place it down alongside the dogs. I will then call you back and the noise of the ringing will make the male lose his erection and be able to withdraw."


"Do you think that will work?" she asked.
"It just worked for me lady" he replied.

[franalexes]

It is hunting season in Maine. A hunter got into the deep woods and got lost. After many hours he came to asmall clearing. A small cottage and outside was a witch stirring a large kettle with a long spoon. This wasn't your ordinary witch for this one was absolutly gorgeous!
The hunter approached her and asked what she was doing.
"I'm making a baby", sshe eplied.
"That's not how to make a baby . Let's go inside and I'll show you."
After the hunter was finished and "unloaded".
the witch asked," where's the baby?"
"Oh, the baby will be here in 9 months."
"NINE MONTHS ! What did you stop stirring for!"

[johndowe]

Originally Posted by ila

I can understand why. This is an inane sexist joke. Society no longer tolerates sexist jokes about women so why should sexist jokes about men be tolerated?

Insanely sexist?

What are you talking about?

It is a bit sexist, yes, but i have seen (heard) MANY jokes that were WAY MORE SEXIST, and i WAS quoting (many) women.

You say society, but in effect it is women and their inability to take any criticism that do not tolerate any sexist jokes about women but sexist jokes against men are fine in their book.

I don't know about you, but I have delt with alot of women in many types of relationships and encounters and they have always shown themselves to be mean, petty, vindictive and take themselves way too seriously, and if there is a way to take a simple positive statement in a negative way they will find it.

In conclusion, it is a joke, it IS funny, and that should be the end of that.


Oh, Yeah, Why should sexist jokes against men be tolerated?

Because we aren't women, and we don't take everything in a tragic context.


JohnDowe.

[franalexes]

.mostly less

[smc]

Originally Posted by johndowe

... You say society, but in effect it is women and their inability to take any criticism that do not tolerate any sexist jokes about women but sexist jokes against men are fine in their book.

"All generalizations are dangerous, even this one." -- Alexandre Dumas

"All generalizations are false, including this one." -- Mark Twain

Originally Posted by johndowe

I don't know about you, but I have delt with alot of women in many types of relationships and encounters and they have always shown themselves to be mean, petty, vindictive and take themselves way too seriously, and if there is a way to take a simple positive statement in a negative way they will find it.

Where they that way when you first met them, or did it happen over time in these "relationship and encounters"? The answer will speak volumes.

[randolph]

Getting old in Florida
Two elderly ladies are sitting on the front porch in Bonita Springs , doing nothing. One lady turns and asks, 'Do you still get horny?' The other replies, 'Oh sure I do.' The first old lady asks, 'What do you do about it?' The second old lady replies, 'I suck a lifesaver.' After a few moments, the first old lady asks, 'Who drives you to the beach?'

[franalexes]

The lady tells her doctor that she has a serious gas problem. Strange thing is, when it comes out it makes no sound and they don't smell.
Is that so, says the doctor. Well, let's complete the physical and check your ears. And he takes a cotton swab and cleans her ears, finds ear wax build up.
Now that I've fixed your hearing let's fix your sinuses...

[ila]

Originally Posted by johndowe

Insanely sexist?

What are you talking about?

I typed INANE, not insane. If you don't know what it means then look up the definition.

Originally Posted by johndowe

It is a bit sexist, yes, but i have seen (heard) MANY jokes that were WAY MORE SEXIST, and i WAS quoting (many) women.

You say society, but in effect it is women and their inability to take any criticism that do not tolerate any sexist jokes about women but sexist jokes against men are fine in their book.

I don't know about you, but I have delt with alot of women in many types of relationships and encounters and they have always shown themselves to be mean, petty, vindictive and take themselves way too seriously, and if there is a way to take a simple positive statement in a negative way they will find it.

In conclusion, it is a joke, it IS funny, and that should be the end of that.

In your opinion it is a joke and it?s funny. In my opinion it is not funny. Also if you go back and look at my reply you will see I was agreeing with the women you told the joke to that defended men.

Originally Posted by johndowe

Oh, Yeah, Why should sexist jokes against men be tolerated?

Because we aren't women, and we don't take everything in a tragic context.


JohnDowe.

Sexist jokes should not be tolerated regardless of who the intended target is.

[ladyboyadmirer]

A sheep farmer was washed up on a beach after a shipwreck. Only one sheep and the sheepdog were washed up with him. After looking around, he realised that they were stranded on a deserted island.

After being there awhile, he got into the habit of taking his two animal companions to the beach every evening to watch the sunset. One particular evening, the sky was a fiery red with beautiful cirrus clouds, the breeze was warm and gentle - a perfect night for romance. As they sat there, the sheep started looking better and better to the lonely man. Soon, he leaned over to the sheep and put his arm around it. But the sheepdog, ever protective of the sheep, growled fiercely until the man took his arm from around the sheep.

After that, the three of them continued to enjoy the sunsets together, but there was no more cuddling. A few weeks passed by and, lo and behold, there was another shipwreck. The only survivor was supermodel Naomi Campbell.

That evening, the man brought Naomi to the evening beach ritual. It was another beautiful evening - red sky, cirrus clouds, a warm and gentle breeze - perfect for a night of romance. Pretty soon, the man started to get 'those feelings' again. He fought the urges as long as he could but he finally gave in and leaned over to Naomi and told her he hadn't had sex for months.
Naomi batted her eyelashes, and blushing asked if there was anything she could do for him.



"Yes," he said, 'Could you please take that f****** dog for a walk?

[siamgirl]

The Cat
We were dressed and ready to go out for the New Year?s Eve Party.
We turned on a night light, turned the answering machine on, covered our pet parakeet and put the cat in the backyard.
We phoned the local cab company and requested a taxi.
The taxi arrived and we opened the front door to leave the house.
As we walked out the door, the cat we had put out in the yard, scoots back into the house. We didn't want the cat shut in the house because she always tries to eat the bird.
My wife goes on out to the taxi, while I went back inside to get the cat. The cat runs upstairs, with me in hot pursuit. Waiting in the cab, my wife doesn't want the driver to know that the house will be empty for the night. So, she explains to the taxi driver that I will be out soon, 'He's just going upstairs to say Goodbye to my mother.'
A few minutes later, I get into the cab. 'Sorry I took so long,' I said, as we drove away. 'That stupid bitch was hiding under the bed. I had to poke her ass with a coat hanger to get her to come out! She tried to take off, so I grabbed her by the neck. Then, I had to wrap her in a blanket to keep her from biting and scratching me. But it worked! I hauled her fat ass downstairs and threw her out into the back yard! She better not shit in the vegetable garden again!'

The silence in the cab became deafening.

[ladyboyadmirer]

Originally Posted by siamgirl

The Cat
A few minutes later, I get into the cab. 'Sorry I took so long,' I said, as we drove away. 'That stupid bitch was hiding under the bed. I had to poke her ass with a coat hanger to get her to come out! She tried to take off, so I grabbed her by the neck. Then, I had to wrap her in a blanket to keep her from biting and scratching me. But it worked! I hauled her fat ass downstairs and threw her out into the back yard! She better not shit in the vegetable garden again!'

Nice one siamgirl


An elderly man is stopped by the police around 1 a. m. and is asked where he is going at this time of night.
The man replies, ?I am going to a lecture about alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the human body?.
The officer then asks, ?Really? Who is giving that lecture at this time of night??

The man replies, ?My wife.

[smc]

One of my students told me this joke earlier this week:

A girl named Mary went to a Christian school. It was pretty progressive; there was even a sex education class. One day, Mary was in the sex education class dozing off, because the hadn't gotten much sleep the night before.

The teacher called on her to answer the question, "What did Eve say after her and Adam had sex the first time?"

Mary didn't respond, and Jimmy -- the boy behind her -- poked her with a pencil.

OUCH!!!" Mary blurted out.

"Correct," said the teacher.

After a few minutes, Mary was nearly asleep again. The teacher called on her again.

"What did Eve say to Adam when she had her fifth child?"

Jimmy came to the rescue again, poking half-asleep Mary again with a pencil. Mary jumped up and shouted, "If you poke me one more time I'm going to break that thing in half."

"Correct," said the teacher.

[franalexes]

An Englishman, Scot and an Irishman were talking about bars with free drinks.
Englishman:" We have a bar where after six drinks, you get one free."
Scotsman:" That's nothing great. We have a bar that serves a freed rink after evry 4th drink."
Irishman: " We got you all beat. At our bars you get free drinks right after walking in and after they decide you have had enough, they take you upstairs and you get laid."
Englishman:" Now did that ever really happen to you personally?"
Irishman: "Well, no. But it happened nine times to my sister."