Interest in trans lifestyle waxing and waning

[valentinetabitha]

Originally Posted by Bionca

Well, to answer your direct question - not really. I'm trans, I'm a woman, my level of sexual activity doesn't make any difference.

To answer what I think your actual question may be - I think your level of interest in trans porn and (I assume) dressing being tied to the amount of sexual activity with your wife makes total sense. For some people trans-related interests are directly tied to their sex drives because it is a fetish.

I'm curious, do you find yourself dressing more or having the urge to dress more pronounced the longer you go without sexual contact? Do you watch more trans porn during this time and then after sex with your wife watch more mainstream hetero porn?

The reason I ask is because lots of TVs I know who have eroticized the idea of being a woman or being transsexual have expressed this in ways that sound like a cycle of behavior. The longer between sexual encounters the stronger the need/urge to express the trans part of the personality is.

You pretty much hit the nail on the head. I started exploring this side of me after going a good six months without any sexual contact. I've been curious about it since I was about 16, but I didn't start getting serious about it until about a year ago.

What worries me is that I'm reaching a point of no return. While I understand we all have to make that choice eventually, I know I'm not ready for that and more importantly I know my marriage can't handle it. Perhaps I'm fortunate in that I'm bisexual and can deal with just one side of me for a while. Then again, like you said, if I go extended periods of time with no contact, I'm right back at square one.

This. sucks.

[Bionca]

Originally Posted by valentinetabitha

You pretty much hit the nail on the head. I started exploring this side of me after going a good six months without any sexual contact. I've been curious about it since I was about 16, but I didn't start getting serious about it until about a year ago.

What worries me is that I'm reaching a point of no return. While I understand we all have to make that choice eventually, I know I'm not ready for that and more importantly I know my marriage can't handle it. Perhaps I'm fortunate in that I'm bisexual and can deal with just one side of me for a while. Then again, like you said, if I go extended periods of time with no contact, I'm right back at square one.

This. sucks.

It sounds like it sucks. I don't have any first hand advice, and I wish I did. It sounds like you and your wife need to have a talk about intimacy. Why are you not having frequent sex? Is your relationship an "open" one? If not, would that be an option?

I would also suggest seeing a therapist. It could be helpful to discuss this, and you will need one anyway if you do decide to transition. Personally, I'd avoid a "Gender specialist" (they charge significant amounts usually and seem to have a vested interest in their patients either transitioning or never transitioning). Just some opinions from someone who isn't trained in anything useful in this case.

[valentinetabitha]

Originally Posted by Bionca

It sounds like it sucks. I don't have any first hand advice, and I wish I did. It sounds like you and your wife need to have a talk about intimacy. Why are you not having frequent sex? Is your relationship an "open" one? If not, would that be an option?

I would also suggest seeing a therapist. It could be helpful to discuss this, and you will need one anyway if you do decide to transition. Personally, I'd avoid a "Gender specialist" (they charge significant amounts usually and seem to have a vested interest in their patients either transitioning or never transitioning). Just some opinions from someone who isn't trained in anything useful in this case.

There isn't any particular reason lately, just poor timing. She's always sick or on her period or having a long week at work and is exhausted or excuse after excuse. I've been patient for a while, but I'm reaching my wit's end. I've all but given up making moves because I don't want to get angry if I'm shut down.

I have no interest in making the transition as I thoroughly enjoy my male life. I just like to take a dip in the female pool every once in a while, more so lately given the circumstances.

[no1000]

Do some thing romantic for your wife. Cook dinner have a candle lit summer dinner outside, buy flowers, get some music playing, slow dance and get her in the mood! Women are never in the mood unless there is some foreplay involved and this will heighten both you and your wife's senses. Also maybe introduce something else in bed to spice things up a bit. Use your imagination because no one knows your wife better than yourself. just a thought...

[Bionca]

Originally Posted by valentinetabitha

There isn't any particular reason lately, just poor timing. She's always sick or on her period or having a long week at work and is exhausted or excuse after excuse. I've been patient for a while, but I'm reaching my wit's end. I've all but given up making moves because I don't want to get angry if I'm shut down.

I have no interest in making the transition as I thoroughly enjoy my male life. I just like to take a dip in the female pool every once in a while, more so lately given the circumstances.

OK -

So it doesn't sound as "critical" as I first thought, which is probably a good thing.

Speaking as a woman, if I'm stressed or feeling anxious the last thing I'm feeling is sexy - and I have to feel sexy in order to want to have sex. Also, feeling like I'm obligated to have sex guarantees that I won't *like* having sex - no matter how good it is.

So, your wife is feeling ill and/or stressed. Offer her a foot massage maybe? It is relaxing and the bottoms of the feet are highly sensitive and can be very arousing. You could approach it in a way that isn't obviously sexual - like "Honey you look tired. Like a foot rub?"

That doesn't really address the dressing part and the desire you expressed with coming out to your wife. That's an aspect of this I'm really not qualified to talk about since that's a challenge I've never had.

[valentinetabitha]

Someone made an excellent point in a PM, but it got me thinking so I figured I'd throw the question out here as well: how exactly do you define a fetish? I've always seen a fetish as something that heightens a sexual experience, not entirely defines it.

For example, I consider myself bisexual. While I'd vastly prefer to be dressed up/made up as girl during a sexual encounter with a male, it isn't necessary. In the rigth situation, I'll just get down and, pardon the expression, take it like a man.

There are times where I'd love to be able to be out in public, have fun as Tabitha that didn't involve sex, but I just don't have that luxury. Perhaps thats why I focus so much on the sexual aspect of that side of me, I'm not sure. Does that make it a fetish, I don't know. What do you (in the general sense) think?