Ungendering and a Lack of Respect

[Magnetical]

Hi, Ila. Great post. I don't really post here often but I enjoy reading people's perspectives on the whole "trans" gender issue because my girlfriend happens to be a transexual girl and she directed me to this site a long time ago and I read a thought-provoking post so I signed up.

In your defence, I imagine it must be frustrating when men use this site to express their hidden fantasies about being with trans-gendered women as opposed to biological women. However, in their defence, I can understand the infatuation; it's only natural to be curious. But guys, being guys, can obviously get a bit crass - we're an uneducated lot that need slow and steady teaching.

In my personal experience, I've witnessed the broad spectrum of this subject, but I don't presume to understand. I live in the central business district of Sydney (home of Mardi Gras). This is not to insinuate that you belong in a category, I'm merely saying that where I come from probably better equips me for this topic better than most men. I am fortunate enough to be surrounded by a circle of friends who come from all walks of life and sexuality that generally reserves judgement. Maybe this social standing helps me a bit better, maybe it doesn't. I can't say for sure.

However, in my ignorance and perhaps bohemian upbringing, I've never really looked at transgendered women as "TRANSgendered" per se. This is perhaps either cute or stupid. That my girlfriend happens to have a penis is really only subjective in the fact that it's part of her anatomy. Maybe she might have had a vagina, whatever; that's not what attracted me to her because she wasn't naked when I met her.

Sometimes she gets really quiet on this issue and so I don't say anything because I don't want to upset her by seeming pushy, but I know she thinks about it. She broaches the subject sometimes but then falls silent. How can I better understand her? Part of me wants to tell her she's beautiful and to shut up etc but I know that sounds a bit shallow and lacking empathy. Any advice would be appreciated.

Thank you for an informative post. You've given me a better appreciation and I hope I can see things a bit better now. All the best.

[franalexes]

Women are meant to be loved; not understood.

[valentinetabitha]

I'm glad this thread exists, largely because it helps me figure out how to properly word my posts. While I've been posting here for a while, I'm not all that involved in the transgendered community. I'm here to learn, and to experience as much of the community as I can since I don't have the option of "coming out" publically any time soon (if ever).

[sesame]

Originally Posted by franalexes

Women are meant to be loved; not understood.

Women!!!
The fairer sex!
The better half!
Those graceful creatures!

Who can understand them? (when women are incapapable of understanding themselves!)
Women almost always are proud. They have the misconception that the world revolves around themselves. They are frequently offended and holler a big drama out of thin air! All their speeches & actions are focussed on drawing attention, preferrably of the "darker?" sex (men).

If you want to have sex with her, she will call you "lustful, lewd, salacious"!
If you dont ask her for sex, she will complain of being ignored, "not loved anymore"!

Its futile to understand them, for there is nothing to understand.
I think its the hormones!

[smc]

Originally Posted by sesame

Women!!!
The fairer sex!
The better half!
Those graceful creatures!

Who can understand them? (when women are incapapable of understanding themselves!)
Women almost always are proud. They have the misconception that the world revolves around themselves. They are frequently offended and holler a big drama out of thin air! All their speeches & actions are focussed on drawing attention, preferrably of the "darker?" sex (men).

If you want to have sex with her, she will call you "lustful, lewd, salacious"!
If you dont ask her for sex, she will complain of being ignored, "not loved anymore"!

Its futile to understand them, for there is nothing to understand.
I think its the hormones!

Aren't stereotypes and generalizations comforting?

[sesame]

Believe me, they are!

[smc]

Originally Posted by sesame

Believe me, they are!

I guess the appropriate response, then, is speak for yourself. I am sure you speak for most others, too. Personally, I find they make me feel diminished and so I work really hard to avoid making them when it comes to people and types/classes/categories/etc. of people.