funny joke!

[SpaceMonkey]

Not mine but makes me laugh for some reason.

How do you fix a broken dish washer?

Kick her in the ass!

[jimnaseum]

How to Save a marriage.

[BlueRaven88]

Originally Posted by jimnaseum

How to Save a marriage.

ROFL i laughed so hard at this. asking for marriage advice and he gives her mechanical advice. classic.

[jimnaseum]

I don't know if you get Seinfeld down under, but there was an episode where Jerry had a chance at every guy's dream of getting not only his girlfriend, but his girlfriend's roomate in a threeway. He explained to George that if he had gone through with it he would have had to become "that guy" .....change the kind of clothes he wears, change his whole relationship with his parents, make new friends, get a whole new mindset. It was a joke, but that's my situation with transgenders. I like to dream about it, but it ain't me. If discretion is the better part of valor, then I want to avoid that impulse to rush to the aid of a girl in trouble. You don't know how much trouble some girls can get into.

[aa2239]

Originally Posted by jimnaseum

How to Save a marriage.

LMAO I love this one (sorry, the joke is on the attachment of the original post, not sure how to attach it here)

[ladyboyadmirer]

In Memory of all those loved bosses!

A guy phones up his boss, but gets the boss's wife instead.
"I'm afraid he died last week", she explains.
The next day the man calls again and asks for the boss. "I told you" the wife replies, "he died last week",
The next day he calls again and once more asks to speak to his boss. By this time the wife is getting upset and shouts, "I'VE ALREADY TOLD YOU TWICE, MY HUSBAND, YOUR BOSS, DIED LAST WEEK! WHY DO YOU KEEP CALLING?"

He replied laughing, "Sorry, I just love hearing it..."

[ladyboyadmirer]

Here's something for young and old, unless you suffer from Arachnophobia



http://www.onemotion.com/flash/spider/

[simmo]

Paddy has broken his leg and his mate Mick goes round to see him.

Mick says 'how you doin?'

Paddy says ' do us a favour, nip upstairs and get me slippers, me feet are bloody freezing....'

Mick goes upstairs and sees Paddy's gorgeous 19-year-old twin daughters sitting on the bed.

He says 'your dad's sent me up here to shag the both of you'.

They say 'get away with ya.. prove it.'

Mick shouts downstairs 'Paddy, both of em?'

Paddy shouts back 'of course both of em, what's the point of fuckin one...?'

[simmo]

Swine Flu .........

The Big Bad Wolf snarled and said:

"I'll huff ...

and I'll puff ...

and I'll blow your house down!"

And the first little pig said:

"F**k off or I'll sneeze on you!"

[randolph]

Here are three shorties dedicated to Fran.

How do you get a redhead's mood to change?
Wait 10 seconds

What do you call a Redhead with an attitude?
Normal

Only two things are necessary to keep a redhead happy.
One is to let her think she is having her own way,
and the other is to let her have it.

[Jenae LaTorque]

The things we laugh at.

I never thought much about it untill I read Heinlein's book Stranger In A Strange Land when I was in high school. In it, Valentine Michael Smith (the protaganist of the story) makes the observation that much of humor is based on the pain of others. Being human, I do laugh at most of it, but I have to admit that most of the hate humor just leaves me cold. I live in Wyoming and you maybe wouldn't believe the homophobic jokes I heard after the murder of Mathew Shepard. Not to mention the aftermath of the Bareback Mountain movie. Sometimes I wonder if we are progressing as a society. I compare the gentle humor of Will Rogers to the Sam Kennison types we see today and I worry some. I mourn the loss of our innocence,

anyway, heres my contribution to the thread.

Sally Was a Good Ole Girl

Smilin' Jimmy picked Sally up at the bar Thursday night and drove out of town about 5 miles to Lover's Lane.

"Fuck or walk" said Smilin' Jimmy.

" I'll walk," said Sally and so she did.

Come Friday night, Smilin' Jimmy picked Sally up again. This time he drove clear out to Makeout Mountain which is about 10 miles from town.

"Fuck or walk," said Smilin Jimmy.

"I'll walk," said Sally and off she went.

Saturday Night, big dance in town. After dancing most of the night with Sally, once again Jim and Sally left together. This time he drove her clear across the county line, a distance of some twenty five miles.

"Fuck or walk," says Smilin' Jimmy.

"Ok, let's fuck," say Sally with an air of resignation. And they did.

Afterwards with a satisfied smile on his face Jimmy asks, "Why did you finally go along, Sally?

"Well," she said, "I was willing to walk 5 miles, and I was willing to walk 10 miles."

"But," she continued, "after dancing all night, and my feet being tired,-----




---I'll be damned if I'll walk 25 miles...just to keep some sunny beach from catching the clap!"

[randolph]

The Duck Hunter
A duck hunter was out enjoying a nice morning on the marsh when he decided to take a leak.... He walked over to a tree and propped up his gun. Just then a gust of wind blew, the gun fell over, and discharged... shooting him in the genitals.

Several hours later, lying in a hospital bed, he was approached by his doctor.

'Well sir, I have some good news and some bad news. The good news is that you are going to be OK. The damage was local to your groin, there was very little internal damage, and we were able to remove all of the buckshot.'

'What's the bad news?' asked the hunter.

'The bad news is that there was some pretty extensive buckshot damage done to your penis. I'm going to have to refer you to my sister.'

'Oh, well I guess that isn't too bad,' the hunter replied. 'Is your sister a plastic surgeon?'

'Not exactly.' answered the doctor. 'She's a flute player in the local symphony and she's going to teach you where to put your fingers so you don't piss in your eye.'

[not2old]

OK, here's one that should offend most everybody.

Heaven is Where:
the Police are British, the Chefs are Italian, the Mechanics are German, the Lovers are French and it's all organized by the Swiss.

Hell is Where:
the Police are German, the Chefs are British, the Mechanics are French, the Lovers are Swiss and it's all organized by the Italians.

[simmo]

A man was having problems with premature ejaculation so he decided to go to the doctor. He asked the doctor what he could do to cure his problem. In response, the doctor said, "When you feel like you are getting ready to ejaculate, try startling yourself."

That same day the man went to the store and bought himself a starter pistol. All excited to try this suggestion, he ran home to his wife. At home, he found his wife was in bed, naked and waiting. As the two began, they found themselves in the 69 position. The man, moments later, felt the sudden urge to ejaculate and fired the starter pistol.

The next day, the man went back to the doctor. The doctor asked, "How did it go?"

The man answered, "Not that well...when I fired the pistol, my wife peed in my face, bit 3 inches off my penis and my neighbor came out of the closet with his hands in the air!"

[simmo]

MORNING SEX

She was standing in the kitchen preparing to boil eggs for breakfast,
Wearing only the 'T' shirt that she normally slept in

As I walked in almost awake, She turned and said softly,
'You've got to make love to me this very moment.'

My eyes lit up and I thought,
'I am either still dreaming or This is going to be my lucky day.'

Not wanting to lose the moment,
I embraced her and then gave it my all; Right there on the kitchen table.

Afterwards she said, 'Thanks,' and returned to the stove, her
'T' shirt still around her neck.

A little puzzled, I asked, 'What was that all about?'

She explained, 'The egg timer's broken.'

[franalexes]

The old man was walking trough the city park when he came upon a small boy sitting on a bench, crying his eyes out.
" What's the matter ?" , the old man asked.
"I can't do what the big boys can do!" cried the boy.
The old man thought about it and then he sat down and started crying too.

[ladyboyadmirer]

Originally Posted by franalexes

The old man was walking trough the city park when he came upon a small boy sitting on a bench, crying his eyes out.
" What's the matter ?" , the old man asked.
"I can't do what the big boys can do!" cried the boy.
The old man thought about it and then he sat down and started crying too.

Thats cute miss F

[simmo]

Little Johnnie's neighbour had a baby.
Unfortunately, the baby was born without ears.

When mother and new baby came home from the hospital, Johnnie's family was invited over to see the baby. Before they left their house, Little Johnnie's dad had a talk with him and explained that the baby had no ears.

His dad also told him that if he so much mentioned anything about the baby's missing ears or even said the word ears, he would get the smacking of his life when they came back home.
Little Johnnie told his dad he understood completely. When Johnnie looked in the crib he said, 'What a beautiful baby.'
The mother said, 'Why, thank you, Johnnie. Johnnie said, 'He has beautiful little feet and beautiful little hands, a cute little nose and really beautiful eyes. Can he see all right?'

'Yes', the mother replied, 'we are so thankful; the Doctor said he will have 20/20 vision.'
'That's great', said Little Johnnie,'coz he'd be f****d if he needed glasses'.