The transsexual paradox...

[Talvenada]

HANK,

Does it have anything to do w/ what I've heard of as trans women will go way beyond their genetic sisters to please a man? In other words a gen girl will go at %'s of 50-50 to 75-25 to get a man, while a trans girl will go 100-0: a total sacrifice of self toward a relationship goal. It seems logical, but my sample is very small. In your travels, have you encountered that at all?

[hankhavelock]

Originally Posted by Talvenada

HANK,

Does it have anything to do w/ what I've heard of as trans women will go way beyond their genetic sisters to please a man? In other words a gen girl will go at %'s of 50-50 to 75-25 to get a man, while a trans girl will go 100-0: a total sacrifice of self toward a relationship goal. It seems logical, but my sample is very small. In your travels, have you encountered that at all?

On that I can only speculate... there may be some truth to it, how ever, I really don't know and cannot say that I have ever really had that impression.

That said, however, the brutal rules of supply and demand probably also have relevans here... and I do surely know from many trans-friends that finding a sincere man is not easy at all. For sex, yes, for relationship, no.

But what you are referring to could actually also be said about genetic women in Asia - in general the woman/man interaction is a bit more traditional here - and not only for the worse. Still, I'm yet to meet a transsexual woman here who doesn't proclaim that she is only interested in relationship with a Western man. The reason I get is the way Western men treat women - hmmm... As I've never been in a relationship with a Western transsexual woman I cannot really answer...

Let me speculate a little further along your line of thought... IF it is so that trans-women go further in their attempts to please a man than bio-women, then it COULD have to do with trans-women having a strong need to "prove" the are women - or to FEEL they are women. I dunno - I'm on thin ice here.

Peace!

H

[Talvenada]

Originally Posted by Talvenada

HANK,

Does it have anything to do w/ what I've heard of as trans women will go way beyond their genetic sisters to please a man? In other words a gen girl will go at %'s of 50-50 to 75-25 to get a man, while a trans girl will go 100-0: a total sacrifice of self toward a relationship goal. It seems logical, but my sample is very small. In your travels, have you encountered that at all?

BIONCA,

Can I, PLEASE, get your input on this?

[Talvenada]

HANK,

The cultural aspect wasn't one that I even gave a thought to, but is a SUPER point to consider.

It would make relationships more possible in trans-friendly parts on the globe, and almost impossible in some backward-leaning locales.

[hankhavelock]

Originally Posted by Talvenada

HANK,

The cultural aspect wasn't one that I even gave a thought to, but is a SUPER point to consider.

It would make relationships more possible in trans-friendly parts on the globe, and almost impossible in some backward-leaning locales.

I'm yet to meet a truly "trans-friendly" society... yes, there are more transsexual women in Asia but the general openmindedness is not as in Denmark (where I originate from). And yes, the openmindedness is grand in Dk, but they just don't know how to handle trans-women...

Like a catch-22...

If we are talking about mainstream democratic countries, then I think it's the same. Whether I walk hand-in-hand with my transsexual girlfriend in Asia or in the West (which I never did), then my guess is that people will turn to look and whisper... "Did you see that... a guy with a transvestite...? How freaky can it get...?) They do in Asia.

And in this regard we must remember that even though transsexuality takes up a gigantic part of OUR lives (here at this good forum) then to most vanilla people it's a curiousity but nothing they think much about.

I just saw a trailor on National Geographic TV where they are running a series on taboos. A major part of this trailor was showing transsexual women... so to most people trans-life is taboo.

Go figure...

Peace!

H

[SweetCharmer]

i agree i feel quite sick when i think most trans-women have to live in an almost dictatorist world of manner, behavior and looks

[hankhavelock]

Originally Posted by Talvenada

It would make relationships more possible in trans-friendly parts on the globe...

I believe that "trans-friendlyness" starts in one self. As long as guys who would really want a relationship with a transsexual woman still focus more on society and family approval than on what they actually want them selves, then it will remain difficult.

But it really isn't difficult at all.

Sure, I had a few (pleasureful) chills inside the first time I went to visit a transsexual woman the first time - but under no circumstances did I have vanilla-peoples' approval or not in my mind at all. And Fey and I ended up having a beautiful relationship and remain best friends here.

As I believe I have said so many times, it proved to be (one of) the most relevant steps I took in getting closer to myself - and never have I for one nano-second regretted it.

I wish the same for many other guys. But you have to take the first step yourself.

Do it! Open your hearts to the most amazing women you can ever imagine.

H

[Talvenada]

I believe that "trans-friendlyness" starts in one self. As long as guys who would really want a relationship with a transsexual woman still focus more on society and family approval than on what they actually want them selves, then it will remain difficult.

HANK,

I agree that that's where it starts: between the ears affects what's between the legs of a mate. Of course, it's not just society's approval, but the self within society. A guy has an ideal for mating, which changes over time. So, timing is always an issue. You could find the right person at the wrong time in either of those 2 lives.

Ergo, a guy in his 20's could want bio-children, but after a failed marriage could realize he was blind to the emotional-sexual situation staying like that forever. This enters the area where the trans woman may be more in tune with a guy's needs from that time forward, than a bio-lady. In other words, a trans-girl in her 20's would be excellent for this type of guy in his early to mid 30's.

[Bionca]

Originally Posted by Talvenada

HANK,

Does it have anything to do w/ what I've heard of as trans women will go way beyond their genetic sisters to please a man? In other words a gen girl will go at %'s of 50-50 to 75-25 to get a man, while a trans girl will go 100-0: a total sacrifice of self toward a relationship goal. It seems logical, but my sample is very small. In your travels, have you encountered that at all?

I think Hank is mostly correct in that it is cultural. However - you need to remember that as children Trans* women often picked up gendered behavior messages and applied them mentally in odd ways (because we didn't have a safe social context to experiment and get them right on our own).

So, I could see a Tranbs woman giving all of herself to a relationship thinking it was what she was suposed to do, or it was the "feminine way" or "noble" or simply in an attempt to "keep a man". Lord knows having a man who is willing to stay after he comes is rare enough...

[Talvenada]

Originally Posted by Bionca

I think Hank is mostly correct in that it is cultural. However - you need to remember that as children Trans* women often picked up gendered behavior messages and applied them mentally in odd ways (because we didn't have a safe social context to experiment and get them right on our own).

So, I could see a Tranbs woman giving all of herself to a relationship thinking it was what she was suposed to do, or it was the "feminine way" or "noble" or simply in an attempt to "keep a man". Lord knows having a man who is willing to stay after he comes is rare enough...

BIONCA,

There are facts and formulas for pretty much all relationships, which might help you. Some you might know, while others you might not realize on a conscious level.

I hope this can help you even in the smallest of ways. The female approach to a relationship is firstly emotional and secondly physical, while the male approach is the exact opposite. Men will look for physical attractiveness and pleasurable sex. The key to keep the man coming back are those two with a mutual interest or two. Some women will fake a hugh interest in sports to create that 3rd rail.

You said you had gg friends. Well, find out every trick they know about. Search out every place to meet a guy who would be interested in you, and interest you. It's a delicate balance of being your better self, and adding a few seamless tricks, which are selected with care.

The best trick is to make the person fall in love with you, because that emotion is a drug that always requires a fix w/ coming back to you being the only place to do so. But be careful knowing it can work in reverse, and create other problems, as well.

I really hope this helps you in your quest for happiness.

[merelypink]

very deep