feel wrong after masturbation

[GRH]

I think there is more to it than just sexual de-escalation. I think that can be part of it. For instance, I LOVE the idea of drinking my cum from a champagne fluke. The problem is, once I've shot off, I immediately lose the desire. That's where I need a dominate person to step in and force me-- this dominate act makes the swallowing erotic again.

But beyond that, I've had very complex issues with sex. Sometimes after an orgasm, I feel really fucked up. Like not heavenly fucked up with bliss. But very sad and dirty. I've even contemplated suicide after sex (though in fairness, suicide is a fairly recurrent thought in my mental repertoire).

Almost always, I feel very negative if I have anything resembling "normal" penetrative sex where I am using my penis in its designed fashion. I need to be a perpetual bottom. But even then I feel bad sometimes-- but then again, I LIKE feeling bad. I get off on being humiliated and degraded and called all sorts of names. So is that the desired result? I don't know. I DO know that it's fairly complex, and if it is really bothersome to you, you might talk to a therapist or something. I know in my mind, there is some degree of shame and guilt for being of queer/deviant sexuality. Even though I intuitively know it's not wrong, it's the baggage of my upbringing.

It's most likely guilt to be honest. After all, 'nice', 'normal' people don't masturbate at all - and certainly not over TS porn - or at least they don't admit to it And what if your family found out? Or your friends? Or...

Of course, it's nothing to be ashamed of. People like all sort of sexy stuff. If you knew what they were getting off over then you would most likely be even more surprised.

Oh, and as for 'porn-escalation' don't be concerned about that either as, as far as I can gather, it doesn't exist. I quote:

Another one of the claims made...is that internet pornography use causes a change in sexual preferences described...as, “escalation to bizarre porn.” This is an oft-repeated statement by the anti-pornography movement. It’s been repeated so many times over the years that people have started to believe that it’s true. It simply isn’t – there is NO empirical evidence to support this claim. And besides, what’s wrong with “bizarre porn,” as long as everyone in it is consenting and it’s ethically produced?

[a9127]

Well... as I said earlier, YOU shouldn't feel ashamed but maybe THIS guy should...

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/0...n_3618816.html

[man74tiop2]

for being able to abstain for three weeks!

Is your feeling of disgust due to the fact that you prefer to masturbate rather than have "normal" sex OR because you use tgirls as masturbation aids?

Identifying the real reason for your -ve feeling is pretty important if you hope to have a totally pleasurable experience.

My early experience with masturbating & (later) masturbating with tgirls was the same - feeling guilty, ashamed, etc. but now it doesn't bother me at all.

So just keep at it. Do it again & again & again & .... Eventually your -ve feelings will disappear & you'll experience only happy times.