funny joke!

[DSL]

Little Johnny was in the garden filling in a hole when his neighbor peered over the fence. Interested in what the cheeky-faced youngster was up to, he politely asked, "What are you up to there, Little Johnny?"

"My goldfish died," replied Little Johnny tearfully, without looking up, "and I've just buried him."

The neighbor was concerned, "That's an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn't it?"

As Little Johnny patted down the last heap of earth he then replied, "That's because he's inside your fucking cat!!!!...."

[simmo]

This seems a little daunting to start with but if you apply yourself you may find that it's not as difficult as you think.

Begin by standing on a comfortable surface, where you have plenty of room at each side.

With a 5-kg potato sack in each hand, extend your arms straight out from your sides and hold them there as long as you can.

Try to reach a full minute, and then relax.

Each day you'll find that you can hold this position for just a bit longer.

After a couple of weeks, move up to 10-kg potato sacks.

Then try 25-kg potato sacks and then eventually try to get to where you can lift a 50-kg potato sack in each hand and hold your arms straight for more than a full minute.

After you feel confident at this level, put a potato in each sack.

[Jenae LaTorque]

My uncle Emory has been known to have a drink now and then but he certainly isn't no drunk! One afternoon he was at the bar when him and another fella started discussing a possible sale of a tractor. After a time they decided to run out to the fella's farm to look at the tractor Uncle Emory was considering buying. Was no point in taking both outfits, so they hopped in the other guy's truck and off they went. After looking at the tractor and coming to an understanding, the old boy mentioned he was going catfishing that evening and bragged about what a sweet spot the hole was he had found. So off they went and had a hell of a good time as the fishin' was every bit as good as the guy said. The upshot of it was that Uncle Emory didn't get back to his 1947 Willys pickup until after midnight.

The next morning down in the coffee shop, where my Uncle always goes for breakfast, he bacame aware of some glares and frowns from a nearby table where the widow Brownston and several women church buddies were hashing over the latest gossip. Things were made clear when the Widow B made a rather loud comment about "some people being at the bar all night when it was stripper night" Once a month, the local bar would have some out of town strippers in for a night and the previous night was the night.

Uncle Emory didn't say a thing, but that evening he took his Willy's truck over and parked it in front of Widow Brownston's house where he left it all night until he picked it up around seven the next morning.

[sesame]

Originally Posted by Jenae LaTorque

but that evening he took his Willy's truck over and parked it in front of Widow Brownston's house where he left it all night

That was a good one, Jenna!!

Simmo, excellent! "After you feel confident at this level, put a potato in each sack"

[simmo]

A guy goes to the supermarket and notices an attractive woman waving at him.

She says hello.

He's rather taken aback because he can't place where he knows her from.

So he says, 'Do you know me?'

To which she replies, 'I think you're the father of one of my kids.'

Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife and says,

'Are you the stripper from the bachelor party that I made love to on the pool table with all my buddies watching '

She looks into his eyes and says calmly, "No, I'm your son's teacher."

[dauls]

Fondling In Bed

After 20 years of marriage, a couple was lying in bed one
night, when the wife became aware that her husband was
touching her in a way he hadn?t in quite some time.

He started by running his hand across her shoulders and
the small of her back. He ran his hand over her breasts,
touching them very lightly. Then, he proceeded to run his
hand gently down her side, sliding his hand over her
stomach, and then down the other side to a point below
her waist. He continued on, gently feeling her hips, first
one side and the other.

His hand ran further down the outside of her thighs. His
gentle probing then started up the inside of her left thigh,
stopped and the returned to do the same to her right thigh.

By this time the woman was becoming aroused and she
squirmed a little to better position herself. The man stopped
abruptly and rolled over to his side of the bed.

She whispered, "That was wonderful. Why did you stop?"

He replied, "I found the remote."

[simmo]

An Unhappy Husband is cleaning his rifle and accidentally shoots his wife.
He immediately dials 999.

Husband: ''It's my wife! I've accidentally shot her, I've killed her!''

Operator: ''Please calm down Sir, can you first make sure she is actually dead!''

*click* *BANG*

Husband: ''Okay, done that. What next?''