funny joke!

[DSL]

Apple announced today that it has developed a breast implant that can store and play music. The iTits will cost from $499 to $699, depending on cup and speaker size. This is considered a major social breakthrough, because women are always complaining about men staring at their tits and not listening to them.

[simmo]

A married man went into the confessional and said to his priest,
'I almost had an affair with another woman.'

The priest said, 'What do you mean, almost?'

The married man said, 'Well, we got undressed and rubbed together,
but then I stopped.'

The priest said, 'Rubbing together is the same as putting it in.
You're not to see that woman again.
For your penance, say five Hail Mary's and put $50 in the poor box.'

The married man left the confessional, said his prayers,
and then walked over to the poor box.

He paused for a moment and then started to leave.

The priest, who was watching, quickly ran over to him saying,
'I saw that. You didn't put any money in the poor box!'

The married man replied, 'Yeah, but I rubbed the $50 on the box,
and according to you, that's the same as putting it in!'

[suebone]

New joke for you all;

Q. What is the best thing about a blow job ?

A. The five minutes of silence.

sue b
(short&sweet)

[Tbone]

There was this guy who took very good care of his body. He lifted weights and jogged 20km a day. One morning, he looked in the mirror to admire his body. He noticed that his body was sun-tanned all over, with the exception of his penis, which he decided to do something about.

That afternoon, he went to the beach, got completely undressed and buried himself in the sand - except for his old chap. Two old ladies came striding along the beach. Upon seeing the man's old fella sticking out of the sand, one of them began to move it around with her cane.

She remarked to the other "There really is no justice in the world".

The other lady said "What do you mean?"

The first old lady said "When I was 20, I was curious about it. When I was 30, I enjoyed it. When I was 40, I pleaded for it. When I was 50, I even paid for it. When I was 60, I prayed for it. When I was70, I forgot about it. And now that I am 80, the damn things are growing wild and my knees hurt too much to squat."

[randolph]

After the Honeymoon...

A couple has returned from their honeymoon and it was obvious to everyone that they are not talking to each other. The groom's best man takes him aside and asks what's wrong.
"Well," replied the man "when we had finished making love on the first night, as I got up to go to the bathroom, I put a $50 bill on the pillow without thinking."

"Oh, you shouldn't worry about that too much," said his friend. "I'm sure your wife will get over it soon enough - she can't expect you to have been saving yourself all these years!"

The groom nodded gently and said, "I don't know if I can get over this though: She gave me $20 change!''