Feared or Respected?

suebone · #1 09-22-2009

Quote:

Originally Posted by johndowe

Hi there.

Is it better to be feared or respected?

I was feared, and i am respected, and i prefer to be respected a whole lot better.

Because when you are feared you are also hated, when you are respected you usually are liked.

But many people do not understand what respect is, and how it works.

First: Respect is NOT a one way thing, to get respect you HAVE TO give it, but both parties still have to work to keep it or as they say EARN it.

Second: treating someone in a polite and/or curtious way is a sign or respect, accepting people for who and what they are even if they are differnt than you is a sign of respect, trying to understand them is a sign of respect, making fun of them or putting them down ISN'T.

IT DOESN'T MEAN THAT OTHERS HAVE TO BOW DOWN TO YOU, OR YOU TO THEM, THAT IS NOT RESPECT, THAT IS DOMINANCE, BIG DIFFERENCE.

JohnDowe.

John; I only get respect when I use my sister's ID.(we allways pass off as twins ,she is my best frend) The fear comes out when other's expect to much of me.;;;;;sue b

johndowe · #2 09-23-2009

Hi there.

SUE, could you elaborate, plz?

JohnDowe.

suebone · #3 09-23-2009

came out in 1999.a few years in a bad situation.my sister pulled me out of. this state takes for ever to change one's ID from M to F. the fear facter is how people treat me for who i am .

johndowe · #4 09-24-2009

Quote:

Originally Posted by suebone

John; I only get respect when I use my sister's ID.(we allways pass off as twins ,she is my best frend) The fear comes out when other's expect to much of me.;;;;;sue b
came out in 1999.a few years in a bad situation.my sister pulled me out of. this state takes for ever to change one's ID from M to F. the fear facter is how people treat me for who i am .

Hi there.

Again Sue, more info, one line is not enough, elaborate, look at my posts, very LOOOOONNNNNG, explain the situation, your feelings, beeing a girl, it shouldn't hard (ha,ha,ha).

If you can pass as your twin sister, you must be quite cute and girly, good for you, and she's your best freind, i'm sure she helped you with make-up clothes etc, not every tgirl is so lucky, not to say your life is perfect, but it seems to have at least some good points.

JohnDowe.

johndowe · #5 09-24-2009

Hi there.

I tought about "The Prince" Machiavelli, and i agree with his assessment of the respect, fear, love, cruelty and hate, in relation to beeing a ruler, it was very astute of him.

JohnDowe.

johndowe · #6 09-24-2009

Hi there.

Yes, AW9725, i think i handled that situation pretty well, and THANK YOU for saying so.

But, one thing i find deplorable, and those who do it don't know better, unfortunately.

What i refer to is that some people who have never been in such a situation, and say "I would've done this", "I would've done that" which is all good and fine for bar talk, but in their little "I would've..." senarios, there is absolutely no possibility of them getting hurt in any way, as if they were Superman or something, which in the real event, there was a very real possibility of getting hurt and if you do the wrong thing, you can get hurt, sometimes badly, also your nerves are acting up, it just doesn't compare to their "I would've" senarios.

I tried to make them undesrtand but i would have better results talking to a tree, because they are so sure of their assumed responses that they ingnore anything anybody says about the lack of realism of their senarios.

Any way, i didn't start off wanting to discuss this, it just popped in my mind.

JohnDowe.

johndowe · #7 09-24-2009

Hi there.

Aw9725, i think you need to check your avatar, it's you in the pic? your avatar is a motorcycle!

I use the JohnDowe (read John Doe) handle because when i joined, i didn't know what this forum was all about, all i was interested in at the time was the toon ts pics.

My name is Peter, i am 50yo, TV, pics in this thread, was maried, divorced, because wife couldn't win most arguements, mostly, never hit her.

Got into and out of many sticky situations, when i was younger, i was and still am quite sarcastic at times, got into a few fights, won most, intimidated some guys that tought they were unintimidatable, didn't have that many g/f's never had a tgirl sexual encounter yet, and i am a bit of a joker at times, but rarely dis-respectfull, only dis-respectfull when i get dis-respected, very rarely take shit from anyone, i prefer to be freindly, but it isn't always up to me.

I work at home, i am a PC tech, and offer my services to members fo this forum, i am quite outspoken, and i can come across as agressive even if i don't mean to, i like to do my own thing and public opinion is not a great consern of mine.

I usually give freely, don't look for thanks, i do want to know if what i did or said helped though.

JohnDowe.

suebone · #8 09-24-2009

Quote:

Originally Posted by johndowe

Hi there.

Again Sue, more info, one line is not enough, elaborate, look at my posts, very LOOOOONNNNNG, explain the situation, your feelings, beeing a girl, it shouldn't hard (ha,ha,ha).

If you can pass as your twin sister, you must be quite cute and girly, good for you, and she's your best freind, i'm sure she helped you with make-up clothes etc, not every tgirl is so lucky, not to say your life is perfect, but it seems to have at least some good points.

JohnDowe.

A few years after I came out as a M2F I was attacked. Now it takes me along time to trust someone.
Like I was saying my sister is everything to me now.I owe my life to her. she is a year older than me.
I will be posting a picture of me sometime later. I want to be in stealth mode you now. Can't be to explicated about me.
Is this ok? Peter,

johndowe · #9 09-25-2009

Hi there.

When i told you to elaborate, i tought you had a question about respect and you weren't stating it properly, since many of the other posts were questions about respect, and i tried to ansewer them to the best of my abbilities.

But it seems you just wanted to state what happened to you, well then it's fine by me, i wasn't trying to pry, i just tought you had problems expressing your question.

By your posts, you seem like a realy girly girl, fragile even, which isn't a bad thing in itself, but it does leave you "open for attack" as it were, and some unsavory people can and apparently have taken advantage of that, the problem is not you, but them, they are vile people, and as such do vile things.

The thing is to get respect you have to give respect, and you then have to work at earning the respect that was first given freely, and so does the othe peraon(s) you are dealing with, but...

But, if they don't respect you, you have to stand up for yourself, i know it is easier said than done, i am a male 6' tall 180# when i ran into the 4 guys, if i would have been 5'4" 100# tgirl, i would have to have handled the situation very differently, how? To be honest i don't know.

If i see a pisse-off girl, i don't see her as a threat, very few women know how to fight, and are usually not going to attack a guy no matter how mad they are, but if i see a pissed-off guy, i percieve him as a possible threat, and i know how to take care of myself, within reason of course.

But then again, you dont have to be King Kong to intimidate someone, i've seen a petite little girl intimidate a BIG guy once, it was funny in a way, but she didn't take his shit and did it VERY well, i had alot of respect for that little girl, she didn't let her small stature prevent her form standing up to the much bugger guy that was maligning her, if it got physical, he would have torn her to shreads, but she didn't let it go that far, i'm sure she was at least a bit afraid, but she stood up for herself non the less, and one thing she did was that no matter how afraid she was she DIDN'T let it show.

As you notice i don't have all the ansewers, but as far as i'm conserned, to live in fear is no life at all, and sometimes you have to stan-up for yourself, because no one can do it for you, your sister can help you, and she can stand up for herself, but only you can stand-up for yourself, when she helps you and stands up for you, she is in effect standing up for herself and you, and she's the one that gets the respect, not you, you will only be safe from them when she is with you.

Another important point is knowing when to stand-up for yourself and when to let things slide, you should never fight a battle you can avoid AND have no chance of winning, and even if someone makes you the target af a slightly malingnate joke, you can let it pass, but not if they do it to taunt you.

Also, if you feel confortable about posting a pic or two, i would like to see you and your TWIN sister togather, since she is your best freind, but you don't have to if you don't want to.

JohnDowe (Peter).

johndowe · #10 09-25-2009

Hi there.

About the "respect" autority, (Jenae) i believe the schools should teach about respect and to "listen" to figures of autority, but, somehow i don't thust them to do a good job on the later, since they are in a position of autority and may very well seem hypocritical while explaining it.

JohnDowe, (Peter).

suebone · #11 09-25-2009

Quote:

Originally Posted by johndowe

Hi there.

When i told you to elaborate, i tought you had a question about respect and you weren't stating it properly, since many of the other posts were questions about respect, and i tried to ansewer them to the best of my abbilities.

But it seems you just wanted to state what happened to you, well then it's fine by me, i wasn't trying to pry, i just tought you had problems expressing your question.

By your posts, you seem like a realy girly girl, fragile even, which isn't a bad thing in itself, but it does leave you "open for attack" as it were, and some unsavory people can and apparently have taken advantage of that, the problem is not you, but them, they are vile people, and as such do vile things.

The thing is to get respect you have to give respect, and you then have to work at earning the respect that was first given freely, and so does the othe peraon(s) you are dealing with, but...

But, if they don't respect you, you have to stand up for yourself, i know it is easier said than done, i am a male 6' tall 180# when i ran into the 4 guys, if i would have been 5'4" 100# tgirl, i would have to have handled the situation very differently, how? To be honest i don't know.

If i see a pisse-off girl, i don't see her as a threat, very few women know how to fight, and are usually not going to attack a guy no matter how mad they are, but if i see a pissed-off guy, i percieve him as a possible threat, and i know how to take care of myself, within reason of course.

But then again, you dont have to be King Kong to intimidate someone, i've seen a petite little girl intimidate a BIG guy once, it was funny in a way, but she didn't take his shit and did it VERY well, i had alot of respect for that little girl, she didn't let her small stature prevent her form standing up to the much bugger guy that was maligning her, if it got physical, he would have torn her to shreads, but she didn't let it go that far, i'm sure she was at least a bit afraid, but she stood up for herself non the less, and one thing she did was that no matter how afraid she was she DIDN'T let it show.

As you notice i don't have all the ansewers, but as far as i'm conserned, to live in fear is no life at all, and sometimes you have to stan-up for yourself, because no one can do it for you, your sister can help you, and she can stand up for herself, but only you can stand-up for yourself, when she helps you and stands up for you, she is in effect standing up for herself and you, and she's the one that gets the respect, not you, you will only be safe from them when she is with you.

Another important point is knowing when to stand-up for yourself and when to let things slide, you should never fight a battle you can avoid AND have no chance of winning, and even if someone makes you the target af a slightly malingnate joke, you can let it pass, but not if they do it to taunt you.

Also, if you feel confortable about posting a pic or two, i would like to see you and your TWIN sister togather, since she is your best freind, but you don't have to if you don't want to.

JohnDowe (Peter).

Peter, I have the fear/respect part down,and will be taking the rest of it to your Battered women post ;Thanks sue b