funny joke!

[johndowe]

Hi there.

Find a date on Twitter.

Hmmm, a date, from Twitter, wouldn't you expect them to be Twits?



Ok, NEVER been to Twitter, may go some day but anyway...

JohnDowe.

[johndowe]

Hi there.

Doing business is like going to the bathroom, it ain't finished untill the paperwork's done.


JohnDowe.

[randolph]

On their way to a justice of the peace to get married, a Catholic couple has a
fatal car accident.

The couple is sitting outside heaven's gate
waiting for St. Peter to admit them. While waiting, they wonder if they could possibly
get married in Heaven.

St. Peter finally shows up and they ask him.

St. Peter says, "I don't know, this is the first time anyone has ever asked. Let me go find out," and he leaves.

The couple sits waiting for two months and begins to wonder if they really should get married in Heaven, what with the eternal aspect of it and all. "What if it doesn't work
out?" they wondered. "Are we stuck together forever?"

St. Peter finally returns after yet another month, looking somewhat bedraggled. "Yes,"
he informs the couple. "You can get married in
Heaven."

"Great," says the couple. "But what if things don't work out? Could we also get a divorce
in Heaven?"

St. Peter, red-faced, slams his clipboard onto the ground!

"What's wrong?" exclaims the frightened couple.

"Come on!" St. Peter exclaims. "It took me three months to find a priest up here! Do you have ANY idea how long it's going to take me to find a LAWYER?"

[DSL]

One day in school, the teacher decides to play 20 questions.

So the teacher says "OK kids, I am thinking of something round, and red"

Little Suzy pipes up "I know, it's a tomato".

"No but you're thinking, it's an apple" replies the teacher.

So Little Johnny stands up, places his hand in his pocket and says "I am holding onto something that is round, hard, and has a head on it"

"Go to the principals office" says the teacher.

"No but you're thinking", say Johnny, "It's a quarter"

[randolph]

The teacher asked her class to come up with a sentence that included religion, sex and royalty.
After some time little Johnny raised his hand.
Ok Johnny what have you come up with.
Johnny said;
Oh my god the duchess is pregnant.

[Jenae LaTorque]

Two nuns were in the back of the convent smoking a cigarette, when one said, 'It's bad enough that we have to sneak out here to smoke, but it really is a problem getting rid of the butts so that Mother Superior doesn't find them.'

The second nun said, 'I've found a marvelous invention called a condom which works really well for this problem. You just open the packet up, take out the condom, and put the cigarette butt in, roll it up, and dispose of it all later.'
The first nun was quite impressed and asked where she could find them.
'You get them at a chemist, sister. Just go and ask the pharmacist for them.'
The next day the good sister went to the chemist and walked up to the counter.
'Good morning, sister,' the chemist said, 'what can I do for you today?'
'I'd like some condoms please,' said the nun.
The chemist was a little taken aback, but recovered soon enough and asked, 'How many boxes would you like? There are 12 to a box.'
'I'll take six boxes. That should last about a week,' said the nun.
The pharmacist was truly flabbergasted by this time and was almost afraid to ask any more questions. But his professionalism prevailed and he asked in a clear voice.
'Sister, what size condoms would you like? We have large, extra large, and the big liar size.' The sister thought for a minute and finally said: 'I'm not certain, perhaps you could recommend a good size for a Camel?'
__________________________________________________ ______________

[The Conquistador]

2 gay guys were walking in the park when they saw a dog licking its penis.

The first gay guy says to his buddy,"I bet you wish you could do that huh?"

To which his friend replies,"I don't know. I'm afraid he might bite me!"