My first time here, and my confusion

[Phenom99]

Originally Posted by Bionca

You are absolutely correct, we live in a society that loves two boxes (black/white, gay/straight, man/woman) with no movement and no deviations. The realization that one does not neatly fit one of those handy labels can be frightening and confusing.

I imagine that the discovery that one can find a woman with a penis attractive would be a shock and would come with a number of questions about identity and sexuality. In essence "what does this mean" and "what does this make me". A community like this can be very helpful as a place to ask questions and to have the freedom to self-identify.

Yes, there are lots of things to sort out. Especially given that unless you have a label to ascribe to yourself, you can't do anything in America.

I was reading an article a few days ago for research, about an African tribe, in which gender is determined simply by the way in which you live, and not by physical markers. So people could go back and forth in the span of a day, depending on whether they fish or farm, walk with a blanket or not, who they love, etcetera. They are called the Vezo people, check them out, it's pretty cool haha if you like reading dry history (i'm a history major, lol)

[new believer]

Yes, there are lots of things to sort out. Especially given that unless you have a label to ascribe to yourself, you can't do anything in America.

I was reading an article a few days ago for research, about an African tribe, in which gender is determined simply by the way in which you live, and not by physical markers. So people could go back and forth in the span of a day, depending on whether they fish or farm, walk with a blanket or not, who they love, etcetera. They are called the Vezo people, check them out, it's pretty cool haha if you like reading dry history (i'm a history major, lol)

Feeling wonderful by now? As to history,that was/is one of my favorites also. Only more so to American History. I occasionally do American Revolutionary re-enactments. Now as to your statement that you can't do anything in America, careful, we can and have more opportunities to more here then anywhere else in the world. I know many people are still being beaten or worse,but not with goverment sanction. In most countries still,you cannot practice (even in shadows) what we get away with here. But let's not dwell. Enjoying your ride ?

[Bionca]

Originally Posted by Phenom99

Yes, there are lots of things to sort out. Especially given that unless you have a label to ascribe to yourself, you can't do anything in America.

I was reading an article a few days ago for research, about an African tribe, in which gender is determined simply by the way in which you live, and not by physical markers. So people could go back and forth in the span of a day, depending on whether they fish or farm, walk with a blanket or not, who they love, etcetera. They are called the Vezo people, check them out, it's pretty cool haha if you like reading dry history (i'm a history major, lol)

Well, I was very nearly an Anthropologist until I got side-tracked into Social Work (silly me) so dry academic texts are no biggie here. The Vezo are an interesting study since their entire social identity is based on performance. You wanna be a fisher? understand what a fisher does and go fish... wanna be a Vezo? act like a Vezo and yer in (harder than it sounds). To them it is more important to understand what it means to be something than to actually do that thing. Like I said, interesting case study.

If you dig enough you can find examples all over the globe through history that maintain a more fluid understanding of identity wrt gender. Honestly, I blame Rome and their need for extreme hierarchies and it's influence on Western thought for many of the issues being discussed.

[Phenom99]

Originally Posted by Bionca

Well, I was very nearly an Anthropologist until I got side-tracked into Social Work (silly me) so dry academic texts are no biggie here. The Vezo are an interesting study since their entire social identity is based on performance. You wanna be a fisher? understand what a fisher does and go fish... wanna be a Vezo? act like a Vezo and yer in (harder than it sounds). To them it is more important to understand what it means to be something than to actually do that thing. Like I said, interesting case study.

If you dig enough you can find examples all over the globe through history that maintain a more fluid understanding of identity wrt gender. Honestly, I blame Rome and their need for extreme hierarchies and it's influence on Western thought for many of the issues being discussed.

There's certainly nothing wrong with social work, what kind do you do?

[Bionca]

I was doing SW with GLBT runaways in Chicago. We were trying to get funding for a project that would have given job training and some basic life skills training to the kids. Part of our problem was that "reuniting families" was not our main focus, because the families of GLBT runaways rarely wake up and get it, fostercare and other youth groups send kids back into places where mummy and daddy smiled for the judge and then shipped little suzie off to church camp for some aversion therapy. Or they just continued to make the kids' lives hell.

We were trying to give kids the skills to step over the cracks in the system so that they could navigate being without a support system regardless of the presence of their parents. With funding evaporating, I was left with a job in children's services - and that my dear is a job that will rot your soul from the inside out.

So I'm not doing SW for a job, rather putting I skills to use for various organizations after work. Stay in Acadamae.. it's icky out here

[Phenom99]

Originally Posted by Bionca

I was doing SW with GLBT runaways in Chicago. We were trying to get funding for a project that would have given job training and some basic life skills training to the kids. Part of our problem was that "reuniting families" was not our main focus, because the families of GLBT runaways rarely wake up and get it, fostercare and other youth groups send kids back into places where mummy and daddy smiled for the judge and then shipped little suzie off to church camp for some aversion therapy. Or they just continued to make the kids' lives hell.

We were trying to give kids the skills to step over the cracks in the system so that they could navigate being without a support system regardless of the presence of their parents. With funding evaporating, I was left with a job in children's services - and that my dear is a job that will rot your soul from the inside out.

So I'm not doing SW for a job, rather putting I skills to use for various organizations after work. Stay in Acadamae.. it's icky out here

Still, it is good that you got involved with something that you cared about. even if it was soul-draining. My goal in life is to teach at a university level. so i've got about 8 more years before i'll be living my dream haha

[slipper]

As a mental health professional, I can assure you that if you have repeated relationship problems, the "answer" is not a t-girl or anyone else in particular.

One simply needs to explore what one gives and expects in relationships, and how, along with extreme honestly with oneself. Relationship quality can change for the better with any potential partner, straight, gay, bi, ts, or whatever.

All the best.

[meja]

Strict definitions are usually based on abstract boundaries between artificial categories. Thus rigid expectations of what is and what ought to be are often dashed by reality.

For instance people tend to think of the sexes in terms of binary opposition but the reality is that a certain percentage of the population is congenitally inter-sexed. Gender is even more complex. In India there are at least three genders and in I have heard that is a rather low number in comparison to other cultures. Sexual orientation is even more complicated as human being can be sexually attracted to almost anything. Shoes, Latex, Men, Women, Eunuchs, Trans- _ _ _ _ , Post op, Pre op, and the list goes on endlessly.

Sex, Gender and Sexual Orientation also operate independently of one another. I was once suddenly kissed by a genetic female who was F2M but often mistaken for a lesbian when in fact she was attracted to gay men.... which she thought I was, but actually I am a bit middle gendered.... Well it was all a bit awkward but we got through it.

It is best to meet life with the expectation that it is far more complex and wonderful than you could have ever imagined. I think Dr. Seuss actually said it best

Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.