funny joke!

[ladyboyadmirer]

Originally Posted by orion

Don't worry .. that's my fault .. it was posted for the benefit of someone who liked an earlier "Liverpool" joke ..
Just put it down to "Brit" humour .. which sometimes doesn't translate easily ..

Nicely explained Orion, I'll let you explain this one too

A teacher asks her class to use the word 'contagious'.

Roland the class swot, gets up and says, "Last year I got the
measles and my Mum said it was contagious."

"Well done, Roland" says the teacher. "Can anyone else try?"

Katie, a sweet little girl with pigtails, says, "My grandma says
there's a bug going round, and it's contagious."

"Well done, Katie" says the teacher. "Anyone else?"

Little Irish Shaun, who had just moved to the UK, jumps up and says in a broad Irish accent, "My Dad is painting our new house with a two-inch
brush and my Mum says it will take da contagious".

( da cunt-ages )

[triumph65]

A blind man and his guide dog enter a bar and find their way to a bar stool. After ordering a drink, and sitting there for a while, the blind guy yells to the bartender, "Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?"

The bar immediately becomes absolutely quiet. In a husky, deep voice, the woman next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, you should know something. The bartender is blonde, the bouncer is blonde and I'm a 6' tall, 200 lb. blonde with a black belt in karate. What's more, the woman sitting next to me is blonde and she's a weight lifter. The lady to your right is a blonde, and she's a pro wrestler.
Think about it seriously, Mister. You still wanna tell that joke?"

The blind guy thinks a moment and says, "Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times." :D

Ooops!! I've probably just isolated 50% of the board now...

[orion]

Nice one Admirer ..

Would it have been little Sean's Grandad whilst serving with an Anti-Aircraft Unit in WWII told his Sergeant that he had a "Fokker" caught in the beam of his search light ? ...

The Sergeant looked up & then said .. "No, Paddy .. that Fokker's a Messerschmitt"

And before anyone has a "pop" about Racism .. its not, as I'm of Anglo-Irish descent ...

[orion]

A White Horse walks into a Pub and orders a pint of "Best" ..

The Barman looks at him a bit oddly, then serves him .. after a few moments thought .. the Barman says ... "Here, we sell a Whisky named after you" ...

The Horse looks at him and says .. "Wot .. Eric" ?

[The Conquistador]

Confucius say: Man who go through airport turnstile sideways is going to Bangkok!

[plymouth]

3 gay guys walk into a bathroom. one of them goes into a stall and notices cum floating on the water and says "ok, who farted". lol!

[slippyslimm]

haha, thanks for sharing

[orion]

A Royal Navy sailor was being quizzed at a Court Martial as he'd been an accidental witness to three other sailors sharing the same bunk ...

The President of the Court Martial asked him .. "Now Signalman Jones .. did you notice any semen on the bunk or bedding" ?

The sailor promptly replied .. "Oh, no Sir .. just three Stokers" ...

[simmo]

As men age, we start seeing more and more of the medical world
and its employees, which nowadays seems to have more and more
women as our physicians and therapists, etc
and in this case a new Urologist for me.

My family Doctor just recently referred me to
a just out of medical school female urologist.
I saw her yesterday, and she's absolutely
drop-dead gorgeous as well as unbelievably sexy.

The first thing she told me that I must stop masturbating.


I asked her why, and she said, "Because I'm trying to examine you...."

[ladyboyadmirer]

What do you call nuts on a wall......walnuts. What do you call nuts on a chest...chestnuts. What do you call nuts on a chin..no not chin nuts...a damn good blow job

[Amoit]

need a whole lot more to make me laugh

[johndowe]

Hi there.

Guy at surplus store sees this guy looking and looking but didn't seem to find waht he was looking for, as he is about to go to him to try to help him, he comes to him.

Looking nervously around as if to see if he was being followed, he asked the salesman: where are the explosives?

The salesman anseweres: Oh, em, isle C4.

The nervous guy goes there and looks and looks.

Another salesman comes up to his co worker and sais: I think that he's a terrorist, shouldn't we call the FBI or something?

The 1st salesman ansewers: no need he's a suicide bomber.

the second salesman sais: So if you're sure he's a suicide bomber why NOT call the FBI?

The first salesman ansewers: Because of 2 things first he IS a suicide bomber and we don't have explosives.

The second salesman sais: So, i still think we should call the FBI.

The first salesman anseweres: since he IS a suicide bomber and these guys are so stupid that he'll keep looking for the explosives untill he dies.

JohnDowe.

[DSL]

A couple had two little boys, ages 8 and 10, who were excessively mischievous. The two were always getting into trouble and their parents could be assured that if any mischief occurred in their town, their two young sons were involved.

The parents were at their wits end not knowing what to do about their sons' behavior. Then the mother heard that a clergyman in town had been successful in disciplining children in the past, so she asked her husband if he thought they should send the boys to speak with the clergyman.

The husband said, "We might as well. We need to do something before I really lose my temper!"

The clergyman agreed to speak with the boys. He asked to see them individually.

The 8-year-old went to meet him first. The clergyman sat the boy down and asked him sternly, "Where is God?"

The boy made no response, so the clergyman repeated the question in an even sterner tone, "Where is God?" Again the boy made no attempt to answer, so the clergyman raised his voice even more and shook his finger in the boy's face, "WHERE IS GOD? With that, the boy bolted from the room and ran directly home, slamming his door and hiding himself in his closet.

His older brother followed him into the closet saying, "What happened?"

The younger brother replied, "We are in B I G trouble this time. God is missing and they think we did it!"

[ladyboyadmirer]

I guess this is only funny for those familiar with the international alphabet code.


A rookie police officer spots a huge, drunken black guy dancing on the roof of a Ford car.

He radios for backup.

"What's the situation?"

"There's a black bloke, seems pissed out of his brains, dancing on the roof of a car."

"You can't say that over the radio" replies the operator.

"You know you have to use politically correct terminology these days"

"OK," he says. "Zulu?.Whisky?Tango....Sierra"

[Jenae LaTorque]

Oh, I am so sorry. You should have kept one eye closed while you were wacking off. The pics in the magazine weren't in stereo anyway.

[IanC]

Originally Posted by orion

A White Horse walks into a Pub and orders a pint of "Best" ..

The Barman looks at him a bit oddly, then serves him .. after a few moments thought .. the Barman says ... "Here, we sell a Whisky named after you" ...

The Horse looks at him and says .. "Wot .. Eric" ?

Love this joke and hadn't heard/read it in ages.

[ladyboyadmirer]

I went to the doctor while I was on holiday in Bangkok
recently, to get my testicles checked out.
While the doc was cupping my dangly bits, she said, "Don't worry, it's
normal to get an erection during this kind of examination."
I said, "I haven't got an erection!"
She replied, "No, but I have!"

[siamgirl]

A mechanic working at a prestigious motor-cycle agency was removing a cylinder-head from the motor of a Harley-Davidson when he spotted a well-known cardiologist in the shop.
The cardiologist was there waiting for the service manager to come take a look at his bike when the mechanic shouted across the garage,
'Hey Doc, want to take a look at this?'
The cardiologist, a bit surprised, walked over to where the mechanic was working on the motorcycle. The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked, 'So Doc, look at this engine. I open its heart, take the valves out, repair any damage, and then put them back in, and when I?m finished, it works just like new. So how come I make ?35,000 a year and you make ?1,000,000 when you and I are doing basically the same work?'
The renowned cardiologist paused, smiled and leaned over, then whispered to the mechanic: "Try doing it with the engine running!"