advice on coming out

[JodieTs]

She doesn't have family acceptance if they call her Bruce or Nigel.

Just keep talking with her, be support.

[aussiepride]

they still associate with her by her boy name but she is fully accepted.
her brother introuduces her to his new friends as his sister.

but its a little complicated because she only transitioned at 36. bit hard one day to start calling your brother by a new name, when you have been saying the old one for three decades.

and its a bit hard telling a 6 year old that he has done the wrong thing when he calls the stunning woman that picks him up from school in front of his teachers and class mates, uncle mark.

when she originally transitioned, she didnt take on a girl name at first, she still went by her boy name.

anyway, i think the issue getting a little side tracked. seems noone else on this forum has had a similar situation, where they have had to make the decision to tell friends and family that they are with a ts.

[JodieTs]

Its a little unusual as we like to keep the past firmly in the past.
But I can appreciate what you are saying.
My partner has no living close family so for me this is not an issue.
But if he did, and they were to meet my family,
It's pretty certain that someone my side, at some point,
would use the incorrect gender term for me.
I still wouldn't want my partner to tell his hypothetically still-alive-family, about me, though. But that's just me.

I've a friend, Jane*, Ts f2m pre-op.
Through her I've become very close to her mum, Elizabeth*, who I now thing of as my second mum.
Elizabeth refers to Jane, as Jane, but quite often reverts to Jane's previous name, Ben*, then backwards and forwards, without realising it.
So I can see where your Ex is coming from.

Revealing her past is her decision.
She wanted you to share this info, with your family.
While having a relationship with a Ts woman is not in any real way analogous to a M2M relationship, some people struggle to accept this fact.
In your description of your family, you talk about gay members of the family. So you having a Ts partner is not going to be a complete unknown thing for them to accept.
Plus they already know her and like her, so there is no great leap of acceptance for them.
Stop over-analysing things.
You sound very committed to both her as a person with her ongoing changes,
as well as having a more fuller ongoing relationship with her, like you both used to have together.
I'm sure you would want to, in your own time, tell your family. But you have to be ready.
Are you able to do that?
Maybe ahead of going back into a full blown relationship with her.
"I've been thinking about all the things you have said. Yes you are right. Whether we are a couple again or not, I would like to tell my family about your trans history. Would you still wish me to do this?"

Oh, Jane has a long term partner Nigel*.
Jane was considering detransitioning. {she didn't in the end}
I asked Nigel how he felt about that.
He thought briefly then said:
Well I guess I'd then be in a gay male relationship.
I asked my man the same question; his reply was the same.



*made-up names but the rest is not.

[randolph]

Jodie

Oh, Jane has a long term partner Nigel*.
Jane was considering detransitioning. {she didn't in the end}
I asked Nigel how he felt about that.
He thought briefly then said:
Well I guess I'd then be in a gay male relationship.
I asked my man the same question; his reply was the same.

This adds a whole new dimension to thinking about transsexuality.
1- What is the meaning of male and female?
2- Is male and female genetic or in the mind?
3- Can one move from one to the other at will?
4- Do perceptions govern what is?
5- Are we what we believe we are?
6- Are we what we want to be?
The list goes on and on.

[JodieTs]

Originally Posted by randolph

Jodie
This adds a whole new dimension to thinking about transsexuality.
1- What is the meaning of male and female?
2- Is male and female genetic or in the mind?
3- Can one move from one to the other at will?
4- Do perceptions govern what is?
5- Are we what we believe we are?
6- Are we what we want to be?
The list goes on and on.

No, I think my friend is just very fucked up in the head.

[aussiepride]

thnx jodie for the advice.

just a side thing, i have seen pics of her before she transitioned, and really, she just looks like a regular fem looking boy, i must say very little attraction to her at all. As a woman she looks stunning, i mean drop dead gorgeous, but when she was fem boy, ahhaa no attraction. so if she ever went back to boy, hmm maybe i would have a bigger question to deal with. Before she transitioned at all, just a boy, people assumed she was a girl anyway because she looked so fem, but when i saw her pics, just a boy.

other things i struggle with are that, i am attracted to girls only, or at least ones that look and act like girls (ts).
i have to out myself as gay to be with a person that only a straight person would be with anyway.....

anyway, time will tell what i do. she has her things to deal with first.

[JodieTs]

Originally Posted by aussiepride

other things i struggle with are that, i am attracted to girls only, or at least ones that look and act like girls (ts).
i have to out myself as gay to be with a person that only a straight person would be with anyway.....

Ok Aussiepride.
You have a huge perception issue with both yourself and the way you view attractive "women with a transsexual history"

Firstly, your underlined comment says to me that you see "women with a transsexual history", as basically men who mimic women but are not women and can never fully be women.
I've obviously got a huge issue with your inferred perception.

Next, your comment in italics says that being attracted to a "women with a transsexual history" means that you are a gay man. Well, that confirms my statement about your perception of us.........
Especially as those perceptions in some quarters of society,
result in "women with a transsexual history" being looked on, as out to trick men into {in your view} -gay male sex.
Which results in us getting assaulted and at times murdered.
and the guilty ones using that line as a plea bargain or defence and so avoid the responsibility of their actions.

I won't offer any further thoughts on your relationship dilemma;
we are too far apart in perception, to have any meaningful dialogue.

[aussiepride]

Originally Posted by JodieTs

No, I think my friend is just very fucked up in the head.

its not about moving, in the mind you are what you are, but its not a simple just putting on a pair of boots and footy shorts and suddenly you are physically a bloke. these people have to endure constant hormones, surgery etc to transition as well. Costs lots of money and it messes with there bodies physically. if they dont get the hormone levels right they break out in pimples, if they take too many hormones, MtoF ts loose there erections.. which means partners loose interest, etc etc.

i do know some gay men that dress as girls, and even take hormones so that they can get hotter guys chasing them, but really, it can be a lot of work to be a ts.