advice on coming out

[aussiepride]

we were together 15 mnths, living together for 13 mnths.

after 4mnths i realised sex with her was not like a ts fantasy.... i didnt end it then. i CHOSE to stay with her for the mental connection we had.

[smc]

Originally Posted by aussiepride

we were together 15 mnths, living together for 13 mnths.

after 4mnths i realised sex with her was not like a ts fantasy.... i didnt end it then. i CHOSE to stay with her for the mental connection we had.

Who ended it? Did she? Tell us why?

And if you're not together, why is coming out an issue?

I still think we'd learn some very interesting things from her, if we heard her side of the story ... things that paint a very, very different pictures. Just a hunch ...

[aussiepride]

she ended it.
the reasons she gave were that she needed therapy to deal with what happened to her (she went from never being depressed to attempting suicide while she was with her ex because of the way he treated her), and also although she chooses me to be with other any other person she was with, family acceptance is a big thing in her life.

we will still seach each other, we have each others units keys, we still have sex, kiss, hold hands when we se each other, we are just not living together anymore. She does not want to and will not see other people, she is focused on getting herself better.

[JodieTs]

She doesn't have family acceptance if they call her Bruce or Nigel.

Just keep talking with her, be support.

[aussiepride]

they still associate with her by her boy name but she is fully accepted.
her brother introuduces her to his new friends as his sister.

but its a little complicated because she only transitioned at 36. bit hard one day to start calling your brother by a new name, when you have been saying the old one for three decades.

and its a bit hard telling a 6 year old that he has done the wrong thing when he calls the stunning woman that picks him up from school in front of his teachers and class mates, uncle mark.

when she originally transitioned, she didnt take on a girl name at first, she still went by her boy name.

anyway, i think the issue getting a little side tracked. seems noone else on this forum has had a similar situation, where they have had to make the decision to tell friends and family that they are with a ts.

[JodieTs]

Its a little unusual as we like to keep the past firmly in the past.
But I can appreciate what you are saying.
My partner has no living close family so for me this is not an issue.
But if he did, and they were to meet my family,
It's pretty certain that someone my side, at some point,
would use the incorrect gender term for me.
I still wouldn't want my partner to tell his hypothetically still-alive-family, about me, though. But that's just me.

I've a friend, Jane*, Ts f2m pre-op.
Through her I've become very close to her mum, Elizabeth*, who I now thing of as my second mum.
Elizabeth refers to Jane, as Jane, but quite often reverts to Jane's previous name, Ben*, then backwards and forwards, without realising it.
So I can see where your Ex is coming from.

Revealing her past is her decision.
She wanted you to share this info, with your family.
While having a relationship with a Ts woman is not in any real way analogous to a M2M relationship, some people struggle to accept this fact.
In your description of your family, you talk about gay members of the family. So you having a Ts partner is not going to be a complete unknown thing for them to accept.
Plus they already know her and like her, so there is no great leap of acceptance for them.
Stop over-analysing things.
You sound very committed to both her as a person with her ongoing changes,
as well as having a more fuller ongoing relationship with her, like you both used to have together.
I'm sure you would want to, in your own time, tell your family. But you have to be ready.
Are you able to do that?
Maybe ahead of going back into a full blown relationship with her.
"I've been thinking about all the things you have said. Yes you are right. Whether we are a couple again or not, I would like to tell my family about your trans history. Would you still wish me to do this?"

Oh, Jane has a long term partner Nigel*.
Jane was considering detransitioning. {she didn't in the end}
I asked Nigel how he felt about that.
He thought briefly then said:
Well I guess I'd then be in a gay male relationship.
I asked my man the same question; his reply was the same.



*made-up names but the rest is not.

[randolph]

Jodie

Oh, Jane has a long term partner Nigel*.
Jane was considering detransitioning. {she didn't in the end}
I asked Nigel how he felt about that.
He thought briefly then said:
Well I guess I'd then be in a gay male relationship.
I asked my man the same question; his reply was the same.

This adds a whole new dimension to thinking about transsexuality.
1- What is the meaning of male and female?
2- Is male and female genetic or in the mind?
3- Can one move from one to the other at will?
4- Do perceptions govern what is?
5- Are we what we believe we are?
6- Are we what we want to be?
The list goes on and on.