Does liking shemales make you gay?

[crossingoceans]

I don't know how to explain it. It's just that, everytime I see things related to transgenderism, or crossdressing. I just feel guilty with myself and, I wish I was 6 feet under.

I really like everything related to this world, but it's like I felt bad for liking this.

I used to crossdress, and I was also planning to undergo a sex change therapy. But a lot of difficult situations got in my way, including things with my family, who found out my plans. It caused me a lot problems. Things have changed, So do I, or at least that's what they think, to not hurt the ones surrounding me. I though that, by leaving all those things behind, I could make a change in my life for better, because I felt that I was betraying my parents and friends but, now, I think it was just stupid.

Everyday I wake up, I ask to myself "What if you would have decided to forget about those persons and pursue your dream?" To be honest I'm not happy, I can't even understand my purpose to stay alive, I just live for the heck of it, and for the hope of a better tomorrow.

I can't get it. Why I can't stay firm to my decision? Why I feel that I'm just under a smokescreen that I have made for myself to hide my truth?

I just think I'm betraying to myself but, I also feel that if I do it, that if I retake that way of life, I'll be betraying a lot of people, as well as a part of me.

[Naked Freedom]

its a common problem among people who feel to change their birth sex...

Rules created by the society are so strange. i don't know why everyone around have to bother with what one feels about self .... why just they tend to their own business? Why do they have to add to the already existin problems of people who want to change their sex? Why they cant let them be what they want? afterall they arent causing any harm to others......
Why is shame associated with these things???? why people change their outlook on people if they change their sex or their sexual preference (same sex ) comes to light ???????
and we thought homo sapiens are social animals..... if this is social then being lonely is much better.....
but again homo sapiens are emotional beings and cant let their loved ones be hurt by actions of their self....therefore tries to blend with the rules of the society to save their family from shame.....
pondering on these drives them crazy.... but still they will stick to it.... to keep their family binded and save them from shame.....
i dont know about the rest of the world but where i live the situation is very much like the way i have described above.....
i feel choked and want to flee and let my loved ones know that i am doing well as they know me but lead a life hidden from them which satisfies me?
but the thought of separation forever makes my heart cry..........

Sorry if i compounded ur problems but i very much feel like living in a cage.......

[ila]

crossingoceans, you need more help than you will be able to get on this site. I urge you to see a qualified therapist. I realize that this will not be cheap, but at least you will get the help that you need and deserve. I would also urge you to do some research and checking so that you can find a therapist that you feel comfortable with.

[hankhavelock]

I do agree completely with Ila - take this seriously, get some support and move on from there. This forum is probably not the place to expect true guidance. Yes, a lot of good is going on here, but I doubt we have many pro-therapists on board.

From your posting it's not completely clear if you consider yourself a trans* (at least I was in doubt as to your point about this), but no matter what then you sound like a very good person with a problem you have to come to grips with.

But you're undoubtedly completely ok! And all the hazzle you meet is based on stupidity and lack of empathy from your surroundings - and that is very common, sadly.

Best wishes

H

[tslust]

I agree with ila as well. I will say that I used to really struggle with trying to live-up to other people's expectations of what and who I should be. Ultimantely, its your life. Your opinion of yourself matters far more than anyone else's.

[Vanillas]

Originally Posted by ila

crossingoceans, you need more help than you will be able to get on this site. I urge you to see a qualified therapist. I realize that this will not be cheap, but at least you will get the help that you need and deserve. I would also urge you to do some research and checking so that you can find a therapist that you feel comfortable with.

crossingoceans, I agree with Ila and Hank. The best "help" you are likely to get on this forum are facile cliches along the lines of "Don't Worry, Be Happy" or "Life is too short to feel guilty." I, too, urge you to find a qualified therapist.

[SlurpySlut]

Originally Posted by crossingoceans

I don't know how to explain it. It's just that, everytime I see things related to transgenderism, or crossdressing. I just feel guilty with myself and, I wish I was 6 feet under.

I really like everything related to this world, but it's like I felt bad for liking this.

I used to crossdress, and I was also planning to undergo a sex change therapy. But a lot of difficult situations got in my way, including things with my family, who found out my plans. It caused me a lot problems. Things have changed, So do I, or at least that's what they think, to not hurt the ones surrounding me. I though that, by leaving all those things behind, I could make a change in my life for better, because I felt that I was betraying my parents and friends but, now, I think it was just stupid.

Everyday I wake up, I ask to myself "What if you would have decided to forget about those persons and pursue your dream?" To be honest I'm not happy, I can't even understand my purpose to stay alive, I just live for the heck of it, and for the hope of a better tomorrow.

I can't get it. Why I can't stay firm to my decision? Why I feel that I'm just under a smokescreen that I have made for myself to hide my truth?

I just think I'm betraying to myself but, I also feel that if I do it, that if I retake that way of life, I'll be betraying a lot of people, as well as a part of me.

The most important thing in life is to be happy and it is clear you aren't going to be happy until you are free to express your true self. I'm sure you feel you are betraying people but if you spend your life doing what other people expect you are betraying yourself and that is much worse.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with your needs and desires it is simply that society is by nature conformist and people will always take what appears to be the majority vote.

Wherever you are remember you are completely free to live your life as you want to. You may lose the respect of others but if they can't respect you for who you really are then they are not worth knowing.

[puck]

crossingoceans,
I too agree with the others that a therapist would be of great help. And, while you are searching for that help, you might try to clarify for yourself just exactly what it is that motivates you to crossdress or have an interest in being a transgender. JUst liking or wanting to do it is not in itself a reason. Oftentimes, writing something out or even speaking it, gives a clarity that just thinking about something doesn't. When you hear something spoken you get a better feeling of whether that which is said is on or off the track. Oftentimes, we talk ourselves into something that may not be what we really want. It is just a notion.
I'm also uncertain of your motive and direction. What is it about crossdressing that you wish to persue it? Clothing, eroticism, femininity? What is it about transgender that appeals to you. That you could live as a female? Are your interests in life female oriented? Do you see yourself in a passive role with a male? Are you gay and seeking some way to get around something that you resist?
You already know what your friends and family think about your idea? Imagine if you were a transgender? How would that lessen your problems? From reading the many posts here, I gather that just fulfilling a desire to be a transgender is just the beginning of problems that there will be in society at large. It will make relationships with all sorts of people difficult and different. Just ask any of the m2f posters here.
People in all walks of life must compromise and happiness everyday isn't possible even for the most successful person in the world. Let's say you think of yourself as a woman. In that context, what is it that you would do? Is there any way that you could do that same thing and remain the person you are? Some people aren't cut out to be Babe Ruth or Joe Dimaggio but they can be successful at things related to their interest. A good coach , for example.
Think about what it is that you are striving for in your new identity and see if that is not possible with some modification? You don't need to make instant decisions--take your time. Stay calm.
Best wishes on your journey to self fulfillment.

[TVSteph]

crossingoceans

Hello hun xxx , ok first things first i was also in your position i felt guilty because of who i was and felt like i let everyone down who knew me as a man. Yet the more and more i dwelled on it the worse i became and yes suicidal, but what changed me was i started to spend time and talk to other people in my position and how they delt with things and in time and it didnt take too long i realised i was not the only person who was or had been through this. Ive never liked my male body sure i love everything female from clothes to lifestyle. I wanted so much to be accepted.. So finally i started to take hormones are seeing my doctor and i am now going to go the full way and have sex reasignment surgery. My father has taken along time to come around my mother and sister love it and people who have known me well if they didnt accept it and respect my wishes then they were not friends in the first place and i have retained alot of them most of them were pretty shocked and wow'd when they first saw me out at a club dressed as a women and that can make you feel fantastic.

So dont feel guilty you only live once and its your life and live it how you want to truely never feel you have to be trapped.. talk ... and live life to the full.

xxx
Steph

[thedrift]

Hello crossingoceans,

I must say I disagree with most of the posts here (except Steph).

Well, firstly - happiness is NOT the purpose of life. Life's a lot easier when there is happiness around, but happiness is this illusion people keep trying to find, and when they do, it's transient. Please be happy, but when you're not, understand that life is about what you feel, even if it hurts really badly.

Life is about survival. No matter how much the mind is upset, the body wants to live, and will do everything in its power for every precious breath. So respect your body.

And if your body is turned on by things - respect that, because as long as you're not physically hurting anything else, as long as you respect the physical space of all other things, you are guiltless.

People's minds are so fucked up, so morally up their own arses, so duplicitous, that to live your life trying to pacify their minds is crazy and not even remotely possible. Don't think for a minute that your actions will make or break your family's psychological well being. They are as, if not more (and I say that because you at least are aware of the conflicting feelings you face) f'd up than you.

You may not have taken the actions you've imagined, because you may not be ready. So, indulge in your feelings. Get off on them. Meet people you want to meet, watch the porn you want to watch, and tell guilt to go arse fuck itself.

But, before you change your life drastically, consider how good your life actually is. That you can eat, sleep, go to a movie...freely. Don't mess with that, appreciate it. Life will find you in time, make you whole and full, grow you and utilise you - so stay innocent, be simple, be unhappy when you're unhappy, and have fun when fun comes along.

I wish you so well

[TheSkronkDonkey]

Originally Posted by thedrift

Well, firstly - happiness is NOT the purpose of life. Life's a lot easier when there is happiness around, but happiness is this illusion people keep trying to find, and when they do, it's transient. Please be happy, but when you're not, understand that life is about what you feel, even if it hurts really badly.

Originally Posted by thedrift

But, before you change your life drastically, consider how good your life actually is. That you can eat, sleep, go to a movie...freely. Don't mess with that, appreciate it. Life will find you in time, make you whole and full, grow you and utilise you - so stay innocent, be simple, be unhappy when you're unhappy, and have fun when fun comes along.

These comments remind me of an essay by Einstein. Here is the relevant extract:

From "The World As I See It":

I have never looked upon ease and happiness as ends in themselves -- this critical basis I call the ideal of a pigsty. The ideals that have lighted my way, and time after time have given me new courage to face life cheerfully, have been Kindness, Beauty, and Truth. Without the sense of kinship with men of like mind, without the occupation with the objective world, the eternally unattainable in the field of art and scientific endeavors, life would have seemed empty to me. The trite objects of human efforts -- possessions, outward success, luxury -- have always seemed to me contemptible.

[jakebelly]

I cant tell you whats right for you but you need to find happiness.