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#1
04-09-2009
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In memory of my Keke
My sweet Keke died two days ago. I'm devastated.
Keke was a trans*woman that I’d known for close to a year - we were part-time lovers and I was with her no more than three weeks ago. Apparently, Keke died from a liver disease (no, not HIV related and not Hepatitis), but getting precise information here is difficult. The closest Keke ever got to explaining what now appears to have been a serious disease was: “Honey, my liver no good...” As the ignorant guy I am, I never pressed her for a deeper explanation. This is horrible. Keke truly was the sweetest girl - a very quiet girl, and we’ve had so many good moments together - not least long weekends where we just were together and were lazy watching TV and eating McDonalds together. One week ago I was told by a mutual friend that Keke had been taken to her home town by a friend because she was ill. I tried to call Keke, but the phone was hung up - undoubtedly because it wasn’t Keke answering but rather a family member who doesn’t speak English, I now realize. I really want to enclose a picture of her that I took last year in my flat. She was the loveliest and mildest girl... shit, I’m crying now... finally the tears came... Keke, my sweet, sweet little ladyboy... I will never forget you, darling. You were the dearest... oh shit... oh my God... And I’ll never forget when Keke got angry with me a couple of months ago because I as usual was too busy and not geared for meeting... then I got some angry sms’es... ”YOU ARE MR. LADYBOY... I KNOW... I HATE YOU... NOW I DELETE YOUR NUMBER...” ... the next day she sms’ed me with the words: “HONEY, WHY I NOT HEAR FROM U? U MAD AT ME?”... after which we immediately met and all back to normal... just so light-hearted and never a grudge... I also remember, when we went to her HIV-event together. Keke had arranged an event with an out-door concert here in Jakarta to inform about HIV among trans*women. It was a great event and it was HERS! We even planned together to make a weekend for HIV infected trans*women at a resort to give them a break. But obviously I got too busy and we never got around to arranging it. So I have decided, that I will now try to do it in Keke’s memory. I know several people in the NGO where she put her meagerly paid but so valuable time. Oh shit... my sweet little Keke is gone... never again will I get an sms: “HI HANDSUM... U READY TONIGHT, HUN...?” Never again... May you rest in, peace, my angel! You deserve it if any! And I know God is smiling at you, darling. You were better than most of us. H
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- I cherish the fact that the girls I date are braver than I Last edited by hankhavelock; 04-09-2009 at 07:01 AM. 
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#2
04-09-2009
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Hank...i'm sorry to hear this you have my heart with you on this...
__________________
"I had always heard your entire life flashes in front of your eyes the second before you die. First of all, that one second isn't a second at all, it stretches on forever, like an ocean of time..."
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#4
04-09-2009
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Deepest sympathy for your loss :(
I am so sorry for your loss. In times of sadness it helps to remember the good times and share them with friends, to honor her spirit and keep her alive in your heart. "Your Memory is our keepsake with which we'll never part , God has you in his keeping we have you in our hearts. " Things will get better ... just have faith my friend. sincerely Rockabilly .
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#5
04-09-2009
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Hank, my god... I'm sorry.
Estrogen at the levels Trans*women need to take can damage the liver, particularly in pill form (the most common form due to low cost). I think that doing the HIV work in her name is a perfectly wonderful way to remember this obviously amazing woman. Take care of yourself my friend. Don't dwell on the "what if''s" or the "I should have's". She touched your life for the better, and she touched many others as well. You touched her life for the better as you touch many others. There is no "cheer up" or kind words I can really offer that will come close to comfort. But, if you need to vent, cry, whatever ... I'm here. 
__________________
- I hate being braver than the guys I date. - Yes, it's me in the avatar Blog: http://laughriotgirl.wordpress.com/
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#6
04-09-2009
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Sorry to hear this Hank.
Cham
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Seriously looking for a job in Thailand. An ideal job would be working with ladyboys, but I'm not fussy. A shemale, femboy, ladyboy lover.  Currently in love with Jenni Jennifer, Jesse Flores, Amanda Ferraz, Ammy, Mint and Leona.
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#7
04-09-2009
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sorry hank, if its any consolation, just keep in mind any of the pain you are going through, Keke isn't experiencing. I think the living torment themselves over the dead, just try and remember she is at peace now.
she sounded like an amazing human being
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#8
04-09-2009
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Hank, sorry to hear about your loss. At a time like this, words sometimes seem almost meaningless to say since obviously they can't ease the pain you must be feeling or make up for the loss you've suffered. However, all of my condolences go out to you and to Keke's family.
And I think the idea of you staging another event in her name is fantastic. Nothing would honor Keke and her memory more than furthering something like that, which she believed in so much.
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#12
04-10-2009
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Thank you, friends. Oh well... in honesty I've not cried as much before as over the last few days, I think.
Yes, the Keke-Foundation for HIV trans*women will be my tribute to a quiet yet fabulous girl. Thank you again for your kind words. Keke lives on! H
__________________
- I cherish the fact that the girls I date are braver than I
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#13
04-10-2009
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how we might help?
Quote:
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#14
04-10-2009
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Really sorry to hear that, you have my most sincere condolensces. I'm also grieving for someone who passed away a couple of weeks ago, so I know how you feel. Like you suggested, doing your best to honour her memory is the best thing to do. Very best of luck with the foundation.
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#15
04-11-2009
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Thank you again, guys.
Here's my plan: I will do what Keke and I talked about 6 months ago. And that is to make a fun and relaxed weekend for a number of the poorest HIV infected trans*girls in Jakarta. A weekend at some resort where I then get in a doctor from a trans*friendly clinique (I already know the clinique - had my two HIV tests done there myself) to guide the girls regarding medicine and how to deal with HIV. This will be done in coorperation with one or two of the NGOs here to make sure that I have the necessary organisatorial back-up. I will finance it myself, since no NGO here has any funds, and the idea will be to make it a start of something worthwile to make sure that the ladies learn to take care of themselves regarding check-ups and medicine. I will do it under the name of the Keke Amalia Trans*Foundation and I will set up a website for this as well. Probably under the Arus pelangi umbrella. Arus Pelangi is an LGBT NGO that I did the design for, so I guess that would be appropriate. What do you think? Should I come up with a better name? H
__________________
- I cherish the fact that the girls I date are braver than I
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#16
04-11-2009
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Hey Hank,
I'm really sorry to hear what happened to your friend. You have my deepest sympathy. Your plans for helping the HIV infected transgirls are a really good idea. It will give meaning to her loss. Even if you're only able to help a few people, at least it's been those few. You're a good guy Hank. Love Liesje
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#17
04-12-2009
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Quote:
__________________
- I hate being braver than the guys I date. - Yes, it's me in the avatar Blog: http://laughriotgirl.wordpress.com/
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#19
04-12-2009
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Terrible news.
I'm sorry to read about it. I think what you're planning to do now is very appropriate, Hank. I don't mean to lecture, since I do f*ck-all myself, but I really think you need to see this one through. I don't want to get too cosmic, but maybe this will prove to be a providential good from the bad of your friend's death. All the best, Hank. When the going gets tough (and even when it doesn't), remember: you have some net buddies here. No one should ever be alone.
__________________
The world is not to be divided into sheep and goats … The living world is a continuum in each and every one of its aspects. -- Alfred Kinsey
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#20
04-13-2009
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Quote:
Hmmm... I'm such a hypocrate... and so was my Keke ;-) But we mean so well! I'll set up a weekend tour as announced to make a new beginning in Keke Amalia's name... but I also know that if the girl is cute, then I'll seduce her on the moonlit beach. If we sit there after the good doctor has preached all day at the beach around a John Denver fire, all in a good relaxed mood... the stars are out... tropical... beautiful... me among 20 trans*girls... then you'll have to ask CuriousGirl to cut my balls off for me to stay off-limits... I HAVE to behave... I'll be nice, I'll be square, I'll be fair... I'll behave... I'll behave... The point is to give THEM all I can... I really mean that... Oh mano... Ok, I'll set it up next week... H
__________________
- I cherish the fact that the girls I date are braver than I
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#21
05-01-2009
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touching post
Sorry for your loss, truly I am. Your re-creation of the banter between the two of you makes my heart flutter - I have known and cherished that same style with lovers in my past. Each one lost to time and distance and situations now, but each left a little nick and tear in my heart.
Peace to you.
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#23
05-22-2009
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In the process... I'm sugggesting a weekend (as I said) and I have organisatorial help from the community, so I hope it can be done within a month. I will finance it myself, because here in Indonesia there is SO much "good will" from the LGBT-community and SO little "good will" when it comes to getting the mold out of one's pocket. I awaited that, however, and so did Keke, so we always knew this would be a solo thing.
But that's fine, because then I don't have to thank any one and the bloody corruption I have to pay will be controllable :-) I cannot wait to get this thing on in my sweet, sweet Keke's honourable name. I'll let you know. H
__________________
- I cherish the fact that the girls I date are braver than I
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#24
05-22-2009
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and now I cry again over her... I've never cried this much over any one... OMG... she was a muslim and because of that I never had the chance to at least go to her funeral... she was in the ground before I was even made aware of her death... muslims bury their dead within 24 hours...
i miss her so much. i miss her kind soul and her Keke way. i just MISS her... Keke was such a nice, nice person. i miss her "hi hansum, r u ready tonite?" - i miss our quiet weekends together. SHIT! it's all coming back... my sweet darling Keke... i'll be cool now... i cannot keep crying every time i think of her. but i do miss her so much... My sweet little Keke... and yes she also worked as a "working girl" in Taman Lawang. But that just made her even grander and sweeter as a person. No, Keke was not a rich girl, and no, she was never an ayam with me, but when she invited me to her little Keke-room in Menteng (in the little "ladyboy-house") then she invited me to her home, as modest as it may have been, but that was how we were, and that was the greatest honour. There we also found our closeness and our togetherness. I just miss her... I miss my Keke... H
__________________
- I cherish the fact that the girls I date are braver than I
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