i can do it.. but i can't do it...

[CreativeMind]

Hello, pal. Like everyone else, I just thought I'd throw my 2 cents in. Personally, I think it's brave and emotionally honest of you (as an 18-year-old) to have written what you did and to be asking the questions that you are. So, speaking as someone older and with more experience, I'm going to try and show you respect and talk man-to-man to you and NOT sugar coat anything. Because for an important talk like this, I don't think you're looking for candy coated or fluff advice. I think you'd like real answers or at least some real suggestions that you can chew on before making a final decision about "what" you want to do. So here goes...

Originally Posted by guest

i have the money... i have the transportation, the full ability, and the courage to do it.
but i cannot actually DO it. i don't know why.

Then again, not to sound too Yoda-like, maybe you DO know.
Maybe an inner voice IS trying to tell you something.

Originally Posted by guest

i talk to the girl over the phone, then something inside of me
just says NOOOOOOOOO and i end up just looking at porn.

Then again, not to sound too Yoda-like, maybe you DO know.
Oh, wait -- I just said that, didn't I?
Well, perhaps it needed repeating. >hint hint<

Originally Posted by guest

perhaps it has to do with my own insecurity.
Sometimes i think she would not like me, and perhaps she would not enjoy it.

Okay, time for REALITY CHECK 1. pal, I hate to throw a bucket of cold water in your face, but here's something to realize right off the bat. IF you're going to hire a professional escort or hooker for your "first time", the notions that "she would not like me" or "perhaps she would not enjoy it" are pointless and not even worth worrying about. So don't spin your wheels or let your brain melt over that.

As a professional escort, she's being paid to like you and being paid to enjoy it (or at least act it).
More importantly, SHE knows that coming in.

So, no matter how great or how crappy your encounter goes, she's still going to tell you, "Baby, you were a stud in bed!" followed by other ego-building comments like "Oh, honey, no one ever made me feel that way! You were my best ever!!!" As a professional escort, SHE KNOWS that giving you a sense of accomplishment and leaving you on an emotional high...giving you a King of the Hill feeling...is what she's there for. SHE KNOWS that moaning in bed or tossing lots of kind words at you...doing whatever it takes to make you feel good and get you off...is her job.

And trust me, since she's a professional escort, from the moment you meet face-to-face, she will be instantly sizing you up (or she will be if she's any kind of escort worth good money). What I mean is, from the moment she walks in the door, she'll be trying to analyze you and figure out what buttons she can push to make the encounter go well. Simply because THAT is good business to her. The better a time you have, not only will she feel more comfortable being around you (after all, you ARE a total stranger to her), but more importantly the better the chances that you'll hire her again. Translation: she makes more money, which is the ONLY reason she's in the room with you to begin with.

On the other hand, here's REALITY CHECK 2 and another bucket of cold water. When it's all over, IF for one reason or another it really was a bad time, odds are she's never going to see you again anyway. If it was THAT bad of a time, she'll just shrug her shoulders and say "I can do without his money. I have other clients to take care of."

Remember: this is what she does for a living. She's NOT there in a room having sex with you because you met at school or work or bumped into each other on the street and romantic sparks flew. She's NOT there because you met on a dating site. She's NOT there looking for love. She's NOT having sex for money because she's looking for personal intimacy (and if she is, she's got deeper psychological issues, but that's a whole other topic).

And most of all, since she's a pro, it's NOT like you are her one and only client.
You are a business deal to her and nothing more. PERIOD.

So, if you try to book her again and she turns you down -- well, that's when you'll discover she didn't enjoy herself or she had some sort of problem being with you. But what will you care? By that point in time, you will now have had your first sexual experience...you will have finally broken the ice, so to speak...so that is finally behind you. Which means NOW you'll probably want to try other things or try being with other people, so it shouldn't bother you anyway.

In short, emotionally you won't care that you're not seeing her again, which frankly is the natural end result and whole POINT of being with a paid, professional escort/hooker: namely, the world goes on for both you, no ties or entanglements, and both of you get on with your REAL lives. So again, this whole notion of "Will she like me?" or "Will she enjoy it?" doesn't even enter the equation. It's a business deal. You get off, she gets money, end of story.