What kind of disorder do I have?

[moonwalkermoon]

Originally Posted by cannibal

Hi ladies and gentlemen,

I don't know if this would be the right place for this kind of question, but I felt a nice ambience in this forum.
Regards

Personally, I think your thinking about the subject is way too complicated. You love a penis? Love it! It doesn't matter why you love it. You also love a pussy? Love it! There is absolutely no reason not to.

Just follow your instints. The only thing that matters is what YOU want and feel comfortable with. We are mostly worried about what others think about us. But it doesn't matter what others think. YOU are the only person who should control your feelings.

What's the difference between your cock in a TS or a GG pussy as long as YOU feel comfortable with it? And as far as having a cock is concerned, don't look at it from the outside. Just think about how it feels to have one.

This whole identity problem is kind of home made and completely irrelevant. You are a person, a human being, long before you are a man or whatever. Sexual orientation is just a personal preference and it can even change over time.

Like you, I felt attracted to women all my life and then I discovered T-girls and now I love both of them. And I still feel in no way attracted to men. But I would never say I'd never like a man. If some nice lad crossed my path, who knows? So what?

Just don't over complicate the matter. Do what YOU feel you should do and that will enable you to be truly yourself. For your own life YOU are the measure of all things.

[cannibal]

Thanks for responding.

You make perfect sense, but you are talking from a rational point of view. But I don't feel sexual desires to be rational... I don't have that level of control over them.

I understand there are people that can enjoy multiple sexual roles, as long as there is sex, but that's not my case. My sexual orientation is a bit radical. In my fantasies I have always a specific role and I can't seem to change it. Maybe that's because I'm a systematic person. Even straight sex seems to me like a bissexual mess, if you understand me.

So, the way I work is not complicated, it is extremely simple, to be honest. Impossible is the word here.

I don't know if I'm making any sense...

[transjen]

If you are in such termoil then you might want to look for a therapist and he or she will help you figure everything out, Sorry i can't give you a better answer Jennifer

[moonwalkermoon]

Originally Posted by transjen

If you are in such termoil then you might want to look for a therapist and he or she will help you figure everything out, Sorry i can't give you a better answer Jennifer

Sounds like a very good advice, unless we completely misunderstand the matter. To me this seems fairly complex, although it appears simple to you.

But if you want to discuss further and go into more details, feel free to do so. But be warned, we are no psychologists.

[randolph]

Originally Posted by cannibal

Thanks for responding.

You make perfect sense, but you are talking from a rational point of view. But I don't feel sexual desires to be rational... I don't have that level of control over them.

I understand there are people that can enjoy multiple sexual roles, as long as there is sex, but that's not my case. My sexual orientation is a bit radical. In my fantasies I have always a specific role and I can't seem to change it. Maybe that's because I'm a systematic person. Even straight sex seems to me like a bissexual mess, if you understand me.

So, the way I work is not complicated, it is extremely simple, to be honest. Impossible is the word here.

I don't know if I'm making any sense...

Dear Cannibal,
First, could you explain to us why you use the name cannibal?
Second, it might help, if you could share some of your fantasies with us.
Third, do you have unusual feelings about nonsexual objects?
We are here for you.

[cannibal]

Originally Posted by transjen

If you are in such termoil then you might want to look for a therapist and he or she will help you figure everything out, Sorry i can't give you a better answer Jennifer

Originally Posted by moonwalkermoon

But if you want to discuss further and go into more details, feel free to do so. But be warned, we are no psychologists.

Don't worry, you don't have the obligation to help me. I am aware that I'm a therapist case. For now I'm gathering my guts to go for it. I'm exposing it here because I need to hear from normal people if my mind makes any sense. If the way I approach sex, although wrong, makes any sense. I mean women should have penises and men vaginas. You in general might not be psychologists, but I consider this community to have a fairly good sexual wisdom. And mind you I have never talked about this before. So I might have a somewhat childish curiosity to hear your impressions. I am truly not expecting a therapy session here, so don't be affraid to throw your impressions, negative or positive.

I'm sorry if I can't make myself any clearer than that. This subject appears simple to me most likely beacause I grew up with it. I know very well what turns me on and why. My real curiosity probably is if it turns on other people too.

[transjen]

I mean women should have penises and men vaginas.

Is this your fantasy or how you feel things should be? I can understand wanting a vagina instead of a penis believe me as a kid i had vagina envy but with me it was because i wanted to be female while it sounds like you want to stay male but have a vagina and date a girl who has a penis, If i got this right. Jennifer

[cannibal]

Originally Posted by randolph

Dear Cannibal,
First, could you explain to us why you use the name cannibal?

Because of my oral fixation. I always desire to use my mouth on attractive women. Sucking, licking, etc.. For me it it represents a dominant act. And the pleasure a woman feels in being on the other end (my mouth, tongue), represents her submission. Cannibalism is just a metaphor for that, because it represents the ultimate domination. I become extremely aroused when women describe themselves using edible/drinkable terms. You should understand now why I wouldn't like my penis sucked. I guess it would be similar to the humiliation a straight guy would feel if he was penetrated.

I have searched the internet for similar fetishes but they don't seem to exist. Just once I found a post somewhere from a guy reporting that as a kid he was aroused by a cartoon where a character, I think Bugs Bunny, was served on a tray with vegetables etc. I had that too. He said that was innate and I feel that way too.

Originally Posted by randolph

Second, it might help, if you could share some of your fantasies with us.

I'll try to show the core of my fantasies in a way that it makes as much sense for you as it makes for me...

In the beginning, I mean when I was very young, I wasn't aware of penises and vaginas, but I often fantasized about sucking and licking female classmates, etc. As I became aware of sex organs and their sensibility, I became obsessed with stimulating them (not mine, other's). As sucking a vagina seemed to me like eating soup with a fork, I soon started to fantasize about sucking girls with penises. Nowadays I imagine every woman with a penis. And myself, along with the rest of the male kind, with some sort of manly vagina, with no clit. In my fantasies women always have orgasms, as I see orgasm as a sign of vulnerability and submission. Of course, in my fantasies, I (men) don't have orgasms as we are sort of physically insensitive. The pleasure is purelly psychological. Crazy?

I often fantasize that a woman is having sex with me and orgasming while I'm completely unaware of that (doing something else or sleeping, for example). She then becomes depleted and I remain invulnerable. I think it's about consuming, depleting the other part, it's about power and vulnerability. There is a male - female relation in that and I strongly identify with the male part.

I hope that explains the cannibal nick.

Originally Posted by randolph

Third, do you have unusual feelings about nonsexual objects?
We are here for you.

You mean if I sexualize nonsexual objects? No, I don't.

Dude, thanks for your interest.

[cannibal]

Transjen and Bionca,

You nailed it perfectly.

I'm speechless, as it took me my whole life to be able to fully understand my own issue, and you got it nailed so fast.

Thank you, you made me feel better by showing that it is understandable by other people, not only by me.

[randolph]

Cannibal
Because of my oral fixation. I always desire to use my mouth on attractive women. Sucking, licking, etc.. For me it it represents a dominant act. And the pleasure a woman feels in being on the other end (my mouth, tongue), represents her submission. Cannibalism is just a metaphor for that, because it represents the ultimate domination. I become extremely aroused when women describe themselves using edible/drinkable terms. You should understand now why I wouldn't like my penis sucked. I guess it would be similar to the humiliation a straight guy would feel if he was penetrated.

You have a very interesting mind. I relate to some of the things you have to say. I love "eating " pussey, I like the feeling of giving pleasure which is desired and needed by my partner. To give a women multiple orgasms is my greatest desire. This desire has recently trans-ferred to shemales. I have an intense desire to pleasure a shemale. I would gladly forgo my own sensual pleasure in order to pleasure her. However, I would love to have my penis sucked and I also fantasize about that. Also, I am excited by shemales that produce milk from their breasts, I would love to suck those titties and drink their delicious shemale milk, yummm!
So, as you can see, perhaps you are not as weird as you think you are, we are all weird.

[cannibal]

Originally Posted by transjen

Is this your fantasy or how you feel things should be?

It is how I feel things should be. Not a fantasy.

Originally Posted by transjen

I can understand wanting a vagina instead of a penis believe me as a kid i had vagina envy but with me it was because i wanted to be female while it sounds like you want to stay male but have a vagina and date a girl who has a penis, If i got this right. Jennifer

Yes I want to stay male but have a vagina and date a girl who has penis. You got this right.

Originally Posted by Bionca

From a purely physical standpoint, the penis IS vulnerable. It is exposed and easily accessed. Now comes they tricky bits - you associate vulnerability as a female/feminine trait (one that society tends to back). This vulnerability seems to have taken an almost fetish-like quality with you as far as the women you are attracted to (almost sickly-looking). The boxes you have created for men and women seem to have taken a extreme form sexually, and perhaps socially - if women are to embody vulnerability (helplessness, weakness?) and men the opposite I can see where the vulnerability of the penis must then fit you idea of "female".

Bionca, you just hit it right in the center. You described it better than I did myself.

Originally Posted by Bionca

society in many ways feeds images that confirm your ideas.

Just an observation... my heavy attraction to fragile looking females is innate, native, something born with me, not brought to me by society. It was always present like an instinct. And I think this is the source of all my problems (boxing and stuff, as you said). The irony in this... I could say I'm so straight that it makes me not straight.

[cannibal]

Originally Posted by randolph

You have a very interesting mind. I relate to some of the things you have to say. I love "eating " pussey, I like the feeling of giving pleasure which is desired and needed by my partner. To give a women multiple orgasms is my greatest desire. This desire has recently trans-ferred to shemales. I have an intense desire to pleasure a shemale. I would gladly forgo my own sensual pleasure in order to pleasure her. However, I would love to have my penis sucked and I also fantasize about that. Also, I am excited by shemales that produce milk from their breasts, I would love to suck those titties and drink their delicious shemale milk, yummm!
So, as you can see, perhaps you are not as weird as you think you are, we are all weird.

No, according to what you said you are not weird. Those desires are standard, if you ask me (do and receive oral sex, etc). Out of the norm would be to be fixated in just on side of the play (giving sensations), like me. So I expect people to relate to some of what I say, but not only to that.

When my friends talk about sex, for example, how they conquered some girl and made her cum all night till she couldn't anymore (whether they are telling the truth or not), I relate to that. But things change when they describe other regular (for them) sex acts, like getting blowjobs, handjobs, cumming in general and getting consumed. That's when they start loosing their masculinity (strengh) to my eyes. When they call their cock "lollipop",
"candy", etc., all their masculinity is gone. When they start moaning imitating the sex act, they are fully women.

A question: you see yourself doing what you described with feminine partners or with men to?