funny joke!

[hungcowboy]

so a woman walks into a bar with a duck under her arm and sits down, the guy next to her looks at her and says "where'd you get that pig?"

the woman says to him, "Thats not a pig"

the guy replies, "hell, i was talkin to the duck"

[hungcowboy]

A guy and his wife are talking in bed after sex and shes playin with his balls.

The husband looks down at his wife and asks "Honey, why do you play with my balls after we fuck?"

the wife smiles and replies, "Because i miss mine so much"

[franalexes]

OLD people have problems that you haven't even considered yet!

An 80-year-old man was requested by his doctor for a
sperm count as part of his physical exam. The doctor gave
the man a jar and said, 'Take this jar home and bring back
a semen sample tomorrow."

The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the
doctor's office and gave him the jar, which was as
clean and empty as on the previous day. The doctor asked
what happened and the man explained, 'Well, doc, it's
like this. "First I tried with my right hand, but
nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing.

Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right
hand, then with her left, still nothing. She tried with her
mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth
out, still nothing. We even called up Arleen, the lady
next door and she tried too, first with both hands, then an
armpit, and she even tried squeezin' it between
her knees, but still nothing."

The doctor was shocked! 'You asked your neighbor?'

The old man replied, 'Yep, none of us could get
the jar open.'

[smc]

My grandmother told me this joke when I was 13. She said I should know a good "dirty" joke.

Three women in their late 50s (okay, they're Jewish mothers) are lounging around the pool at a Miami Beach resort hotel. They have only just met. They are having afternoon cocktails. Inevitably, the conversation turns to their sons.

"My son," says the first mother, "what a boy. First he went to college, then he went to law school, and then he went to medical school. Now he's a lawyer and a doctor."

"That's nothing," says the second mother. "My son is so successful in business that not only does he own a beautiful condo on the Upper West Side of Manhattan, but he has a home in California and another in France."

"Feh!!" snorts the third mother. "My son is so well endowed that when his penis is fully erect, twelve birds can perch on it side by side without touching each other."

The other two women were most definitely impressed.

The conversation shifts, but the cocktails continue. Now the women are getting a little tipsy. Guilt begins to set in. So, the first one says, "Perhaps I was not quite right about my son. Okay, so maybe he could use a good lawyer, and maybe he's recently been to the doctor."

The second mother says, "I, too, have exaggerated a bit. I feel a bit guilty about it. Okay, so maybe my son lives near the Upper West Side. Maybe he's been to California. Maybe he dreams of visiting France."

Finally, it is the third mother's turn. "I, too, have embellished," she says. "So maybe his penis isn't quite so large. So maybe the twelfth bird has to stand on one leg."

[fatbloke]

A couple are on the sofa engrossed in some really heavy french kissing,real tonsil tennis.All of a sudden,the girl pulls away."Damn"she says "I've just swallowed your chewing gum","No,it's ok" replies the guy "I just have a heavy cold"