Are we willing to settle for less - just because she happens to be trans?

[ocinteeni]

funny you write this because I have thought about this before. I wondered if I do find a tgirlfirend if I would just pretend that she fits the personality that I am into if she really doesn't or would I ignore the fact that we might not have to many things in common just because she physically fits what I am into.

I have always been a person to acknowledge what I truly feel so I do think I can make the right decision when I am in this situation. But man that would suck to meet the hottest girl of your dreams and then you just can't stand her personality, thats just the world being cruel.

[TheSkronkDonkey]

Originally Posted by ocinteeni

But man that would suck to meet the hottest girl of your dreams and then you just can't stand her personality, thats just the world being cruel.

It is. But I find attraction radically drops when this happens. So, as much as I may admire and desire a gorgeous body and complexion, the personality can kill objectification in seconds.

[CreativeMind]

Originally Posted by TheSkronkDonkey

It is. But I find attraction radically drops when this happens. So, as much as I may admire and desire a gorgeous body and complexion, the personality can kill objectification in seconds.

I TOTALLY agree. Hot looks + lousy personality = no interest for me.

And I'm not saying that to be politically correct or to come off sounding like "the nice guy". The truth is looks are a turn-on for all of us. I think no one is denying that. We all can point to particular movie or TV stars or models or porn starlets or people we know in our daily lives and say "Yeah! Now THAT is hot to ME."

But in the end who REALLY wants to be with someone you can't TALK to? That you can't share COMMON interests with? That you can't just be around for a length of time and find comfort and fun simply by being in each other's company?

So, Skronk is right with a brilliant summation.
A bad personality absolutely can kill objectification in a second.

[smc]

Originally Posted by TheSkronkDonkey

as much as I may admire and desire a gorgeous body and complexion, the personality can kill objectification in seconds.

I think TheSkronkDonkey has hit the proverbial nail on the proverbial head. I have fantasized to trans porn for some time now, but over time and especially most recently I have found that while I still get aroused by pictures or videos of a beautiful body (and the pictures I've shared in various threads show what gets me most aroused in this respect), I am drawn more and more to stories of passion and romance that are not exclusively sexual (although with some more or less explicit sexual component).

New things really turn me on now. I am drawn to a tgurl who signals that she does not objectify herself (although I'm not sure I can define what that means, I "know it when I see it"). I am drawn to a tgurl who disarms the objectifiers at the same time that they think she is playing to them (again, I know this when I see it). I am drawn to the idea of just melting into each other because the attraction has been built up over time without, perhaps, even seeing what each other look like. I know I'm not the best-looking guy in the world; why should I set a standard (or even be in the business of standard-setting) that is as ridiculous as the teen boy who puts up a poster of the latest, hottest supermodel and imagines that she could be his.

There's an ad I see in magazines sometimes for some language-training program on CD. It shows a young kid outside on a farm, and it says something like: "He's a Nebraska farm boy. She's an Italian supermodel. He knows he'll have only one chance with her."

Yeah, right! It could happen, but any of us who wait around for that kind of stuff are idiots. Yes, it's a cliche, but I'm old enough to have found that almost without exception, someone who radiates beauty, passion, romance, confidence, humor, etc., etc., from the the inside can have almost any physical look and still project beauty. You all know this, unless you're really, really young and still in the clouds.

I'll still look at pictures and videos, but I don't imagine I'll be having sex with any of these tgurl stars, and I certainly don't expect to run into any of them and sweep them off their feet.

[randolph]

The above comments are all well said. The desire for sex is relentless and fantasies augment it. Most of us do not have the wherewithal (financially or emotionally) to realize these fantasies. Is there an alternative? In my own case, I have found that Tantra meditation can enhance the fantasies to the point that they become very real as a sensual experience. Imagining a sexual activity becomes as real as the real thing. So I don't "need" the real thing. I can enjoy whats in my mind. Love is in the mind.

[Bionca]

Well.. there is some amount of "settling" in every relationship. We all have a perfect partner that exists in the yummy recesses of our minds and only there. So, really our perfect partner is a combination of fantasy and experience. Knowing what bits are crucial for a relationship and what can be negotiated will probably be the key to something special.

I also don't think it is unreasonable to have physical attributes that are important. People have physical attractions for a reason and to discount that as "shallow" or "vapid" isn't fair (not that I have seen this in the thread, but it could go that direction). That said, having a realistic expectation for how real people look without the benefit of perfect lighting, makeup, and photoshop will likely be a good idea.