Movie Quotes

[Kakariko]

Originally Posted by rhythmic delivery

bajes wee don't need no steenking bajes

The Vidiot From UHF?

Originally Posted by Kakariko

The Vidiot From UHF?

i haven't got a fucking clue what thats suposed to mean?

[dirty30]

I'm gonna make you an offer you can't refuse

[racquel]

Uhh, wasn't the OP's point to change a famous line in a way that would totally change a movie, like if Darth Vader had been a smartass instead of being dramatic?

I think it would've been cool in Fight Club if Marla would've said, "I want to have your abortion," like in the book instead of, "I haven't been fucked like that since grade school."

It's hard to think of lines like that, though. All the good lines are lines you remember because they're perfect.

This line's so nerdy, but it's really emotional the way it makes you think about beautiful things you'll never experience:

Blade Runner
Rutger Hauer talking to Harrison Ford: I've seen things you people wouldn't believe. Attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion. I watched C-beams glitter in the dark near the Tannhauser gate. All those moments will be lost in time, like tears in rain. Time to die.



25th Hour
Brian Cox talking to Ed Norton: Every man, woman and child should see the desert one time before they die. Nothing at all for miles around. Nothing but sand and rocks and cactus and blue sky. Not a soul in sight. No sirens, car alarms. Nobody honkin' at ya. No madman cursin' or pissin' on the streets. You find the silence out there. You find the peace. You can find God.



Mallrats
Ben Affleck fucking a 15-year-old girl in the ass: Who's your favorite New Kid? Call me Joey. Oh yeah. Don't make me get loose. Yeah. Call me Donnie. Come on. Oh, girl. Yeah, please don't go.



The Shawshank Redemption
gay rapist: Where do you get this shit?
Tim Robbins: I read it. You know how to read, you ignorant fuck?



Heat
Al Pacino: She's got a great ass! And you got your head all the way up it!



Seven
Guy telling police about killing a girl with a bladed strap-on: Oh, Christ! He made me wear it ... and ... and he told me to fuck her! He had the gun in my mouth. The gun was in my throat!



Demolition Man
Sandra Bullock: Let's go blow this guy.
Stallone: Away! Blow this guy away!
Sandra Bullock: Whatever.



Mr Mom
Michael Keaton: You want a beer?
Martin Mull: It's 7:00 in the morning.
Michael Keaton: Scotch?



Fight Club
Ed Norton talking about Meat Loaf's man-boobs: That was where I fit... between those huge sweating tits that hung enormous, the way you'd think of God's as big.



Chasing Amy
Jason Lee showing horse porn to a little kid: And then Black Beauty couldn't take it any longer, and he finally did some of his own mounting.



Blazing Saddles
Harvey Korman: Qualifications?
applicant: Rape, murder, arson and rape.
Harvey Korman: You said rape twice.
applicant: I like rape.
Harvey Korman: Charming. Sign right here.



Passenger 57
Wesley Snipes: You ever play roulette?
bad guy: On occasion.
Wesley Snipes: Well, let me give you a word of advice. Always bet on black!



American Movie
Mike: One day I was partying in my basement and I always used to get, like, pissed off inside cause I would wanna party really heavy and no one else would, ya know? And then all a sudden Mark came over and, uh, either I had a bottle of vodka or he had a bottle of vodka, but anyway we were drinkin' vodka and I was so happy that I found someone who would drink vodka with me, you know? So, um and then, Mark would drink vodka with me all the time. We'd uh, you know, I'd go over there all the time and we'd buy a fifth of vodka and we'd share it, you know, and uh, that really made me happy.



American Beauty
boss reading Kevin Spacey's job description: My job consists of basically masking my contempt for the assholes in charge and at least once a day retiring to the men's room so I can jerk off while I fantasize about a life that doesn't so closely resemble hell.



The Silence of the Lambs
Jodie Foster: Hi.
Miggs: I can smell your cunt!



Zardoz
Zardoz: The gun is good. The penis is evil. The penis shoots seeds and makes new life to poison the earth with a plague of men as once it was, but the gun shoots death and purifies the earth of the filth of brutals. Go forth and kill.



Death Wish
Jeff Goldblum (raping daughter): I'm gonna stab you in the ass.
mother: Leave her alone!
Jeff Goldblum: Goddamn rich cunt! I kill rich cunts!



A Clockwork Orange
Alex: What you got back home, little sister, to play your fuzzy warbles on?

Originally Posted by TracyCoxx

Sir, are you classified as human?
Uh, negative. I am a meat popsicle.

That is one of my favorite lines ever. I guess it's not that funny, but it took me totally off guard the first time I saw Fifth Element.

Originally Posted by rhythmic delivery

i haven't got a fucking clue what thats suposed to mean?

I assume you know your quote, "Badges? We don't need no stinking badges!" was from The Treasure of the Seirra Madre. There's a movie called UHF that has several parody scenes, one of which has a Mexican guy who hosts a TV show about animals. A guy drops off a bunch of badgers, and the Mexican says, "Badgers? We don't need no stinking badgers!"

[chocolate_angel]

Cool thread

[Dr. Johnson, laurel wreath in hand, greets new sheriff Bart by reading his prepared remarks, not realizing that Bart is black]
Howard Johnson: As chairman of the welcoming committee, it's a pleasure to present a laurel and hearty handshake to our new...
[finally looks up]
Howard Johnson: ...nigger!

[after meeting black pioneers]
Indian Chief: Oy vey. They're darker than we are.

Martin Luther King: Is this it? This is what I got all those ass-whoopings for? I had a dream once. It was a dream that little black boys and little black girls would drink from the river of prosperity, freed from the thirst of oppression. But lo and behold, some four decades later, what have I found but a bunch of trifling, shiftless, good-for-nothing niggers? And I know some of you don't want to hear me say that word. It's the ugliest word in the English language, but that's what I see now: niggers. And you don't want to be a nigger, 'cause niggers are living contradictions! Niggers are full of unfulfilled ambitions! Niggers wax and wane, niggers love to complain! Niggers love to hear themselves talk but hate to explain! Niggers love being another man's judge and jury! Niggers procrastinate until it's time to worry! Niggers love to be late, niggers hate to hurry! Black Entertainment Television is the worst thing I've ever seen in my life! Usher, Michael Jackson is not a genre of music! And now I'd like to talk about Soul Plane. I've seen what's around the corner, I've seen what's over the horizon, and I promise you, you niggers have nothing to celebrate. And no, I won't get there with you. I'm going to Canada. (That was from The Boondocks, if anyone was wondering.)

Alpa Chino: It's complicated.
Kirk Lazarus: Nah! It's simple as pie, man. You plant your feet on the ground, you look her square in the eyes, you say "Hey baby, you and me's goin' on a date, that's in the story..." What's her name?
Alpa Chino: ...Lance.
Kirk Lazarus: You say "Listen here, Lance—" Lance? What the fuck did I just hear? Lance?
Kevin Sandusky: Did you just say "Lance?"
Alpa Chino: No! No, I didn't say "Lance." I said "Nance."
Kevin Sandusky: It sounded a lot like "Lance."
Alpa Chino: Dammit, I'm Alpa Chino! "I Love Tha Pussy," a'ight? Lay your ass back down and look at the stars!
Kirk Lazarus: When you wrote "I Love Tha Pussy," was you thinking about danglin' your dice on Lance's forehead?

Kirk Lazarus: Can I tell you that I'm sorry for any offense I might've caused, man? I guess I just got caught up in—
Alpa Chino: In being a dumbass.
Kirk Lazarus: I guess so.
Alpa Chino: Why you're still doing this Chicken George shit, I have no idea.
Kirk Lazarus: Neither do I.
Alpa Chino: It's beyond me.
Kirk Lazarus: It's beyond me.
Alpa Chino: You're confused.
Kirk Lazarus: I am a little confused.
Alpa Chino: I know.
Kirk Lazarus: ...But are we cool?
Alpa Chino: Not really.

[shaneirl]

This one's been in my head for the last few days.

Josey Wales: When I get to likin' someone, they ain't around long.
Lone Watie: I notice when you get to DISlikin' someone they ain't around for long neither.

[irishmike136]

I have 2 that come to mind:
1) Jack Nicholson in Bucket List
You live, you die and the wheels on the the bus go round and round.
2) He disappeared!, Like a fart in the wind!
Irish

[Kakariko]

Originally Posted by rhythmic delivery

i haven't got a fucking clue what thats suposed to mean?

It's a movie (aka UHF). I was wondering if the quote you used was from the movie as I seem to recall hearing it during the film.

Alan Garner: [while picking up Phil at the school where he works] Did you have to park so close?
Doug Billings: Yeah, what's wrong?
Alan Garner: I shouldn't be here.
Doug Billings: Why is that, Alan?
Alan Garner: I'm not supposed to be within two-hundred feet of a school...or a Chuck E. Cheese.

Phil Wenneck: [yelling at Stu from outside] Paging Dr. Faggot! Dr. Faggot!

Stu Price: Here's something I would like to remind you two of?our best friend Doug is probably facedown in a ditch right now with a methhead buttfucking his corpse!
Alan Garner: That's highly unlikely.

Captain Phineas J. Tucker: Gentlemen, I have a very simple policy?what you shove up your ass is your own business.

Chuck Levine: Oh my God, it's Homopalooza!

Bridget: Hey, are you done imitating me? I wonder...wait! Did you copy my body too?...Aw, man.

[Hedonistman]

I just saw Hangover today,,, and truly LMAO,,,,great script,,, countless memorable lines.. I rented it on a whim and I'm way glad I did.... 2 seriously thumbs up ,,,oh yeaaa

[DSL]

You failed because you stopped trying... and your only fear is failure itself!.

author unknown.

Ferris: I'm so disappointed in Cameron! Twenty bucks says he's in his car right now debating on whether or not to go out.
[Cameron's in his car]
Cameron: He'll keep calling me. He'll keep calling me until I come over. He'll make me feel guilty. This is, uh...this is ridiculous. Okay. I'll go, I'll go, I'll go, I'll go, I'll go. What—I'll go. Shit!
[turns the engine on, then turns it off and hits the passenger seat]
Cameron: God damn it!
[turns the car on and revs it up]
Cameron: Aaaaahh! Shit!
[gets out of the car]
Cameron: That's it!
[paces behind the car and jumps up and down in frustration]

Sloane: What are we going to do?
Ferris: The question isn't "What are we going to do," the question is "What aren't we going to do?"
Cameron: Please don't say were not going to take the car home. Please don't say were not going to take the car home. Please don't say were not going to take the car home.
Ferris: [to the camera] If you had access to a car like this, would you take it back right away?
[beat]
Ferris: Neither would I.

[the guys just notice the additional mileage on the car]
Ferris: [to the audience] Here's where Cameron goes berserk.
Cameron: AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!
[Cameron's scream can be heard all across Chicago]

Atton Rand: I did what I did with all Jedi. I hurt her. I hurt her a lot. And then, right when I thought she couldn't take anymore—she showed me the Force. In my head. And I felt everything she felt, and I heard just an echo of what the Force was. And how what I was doing...I think I loved her, but it wasn't that kind of love. It was the kind of love where you're willing to give up everything for someone you don't even know. I killed her for crawling in my head, for showing me that. But before she opened her mind to mine, my only thought was that I would love to kill her. In the end, she sacrificed herself to keep my secret, to prevent the Sith from knowing about that touch of the Force inside me. She wasted her life to save me. Me.

Canderous Ordo: Hiding in the homes of civilians. Using families as shields. Thinking we would not use appropriate force on their bases inside major cities. They underestimated our resolve and what measures are acceptable in war. Those who cannot defend themselves should not be around those who can in battle. If annihilating a city is the kind of power it takes to overwhelm a Republic shield device, then that's what we did. Necessary force to destroy all opposition.