Waiting for my dream girl

[a9127]

How to tell if she's the right age for you.

My "future wife" is using a digital camera to take a selfie.

Bet she still has a "MySpace" account too. That's OK I probably still have mine out there somewhere. Maybe we could be "friends"?

She's saying: "Andy, I don't know about anyone else but I don't give a shit that you were born before 1985. Lets fuck."

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And yes the Polaroid camera has made a comeback. That relic of the 70’s which many couples used to take “intimate” pictures, has been revived in modern form. We used to have one. Don’t know if it was my Mom and Dad’s. Anyway I tossed it while cleaning out the garage several years ago. Dumb.

Here is a new version of an old thing. Guess it works the same way. And is probably used for the same purpose. At least no one can “hack” it.

No less than Taylor Swift has her own version made by FujiFilm. They were popular during the “Reputation” tour (which we went to see by the way).

Ever gracious to her fans, Taylor sent me this Polaroid pic… My wife upon seeing it said: “You should hang that one up in the garage Andy. Since that’s where you will be sleeping for a while…”

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Was reading an article on “Virgin Millennials” today (why was I reading something like that anyway?) . They interviewed several people in their late 20’s and early 30’s about why they had abstained from sex.

Answers varied. With all due respect, the decision to have sex is a personal choice and many factors weigh in on it.

For me it was an easy one…

This picture accompanied the article. Apparently they are a “couple” but have never had sex. She allegedly is “28.” Only four years younger than my wife. Older than almost all of my students. And we both fall into the “Millennial” generation (approximately 1981-1999) unless you buy into that Born Before 1985 bullshit. Hint: They are wrong of course about that. But what else would you expect from “clickbait.”

As you know by now it’s not like me to take anything like this seriously.

She’s saying “Guess what? I had a date with ‘Dr. Andy’ last night. Now only one of us is still a virgin (giggle).”

[a9127]

The latest “clickbait” ad featured this picture and recommended that all couples wear masks during sex.

But overuse can lead to problems.

I know what she’s thinking: “Great… Now he can’t get it up unless I put on the mask.”

(The same article suggested that the only “safe sex” in the “Age of Coronavirus” is by yourself. I tried that but couldn’t get the mask to fit my hand. Besides, putting hand sanitizer on my cock stung like hell. )

[a9127]

Today’s best “fake ad” on CNN was for inflatable hot tubs. Sounds like a bad idea…

“Hey Andy… remember when we set the other one up in our living room then went at it so hard it burst and we got water all over the fucking house?”

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“Today’s Best Fake Ad” on CNN wasn’t even close. It had something to do with “The Pirates of The Caribbean.” I really didn’t care. Never made it past the picture of Keira Knightley.

[a9127]

This just arrived from my university’s email. They are seeking “Standardized Patients” for their medical school. Some of the job description is funny (at least if you have a dirty mind).

"…on call basis”

“…simulated …medical examinations”?

“as trained…”

“encounters with students…”

“role play…”

Sounds like I could do this. Wonder what it pays? Still, someday I’d like to work my way up to the “Coordinator of Standardized Patients.”

Of course I’d give it my best shot.

They’re saying: “Dr. Andy, he’s so funny. He was complaining about a four-hour erection.”

But I would volunteer to let “Dr. Chanel” examine me anytime.

(Noticed that the ad also said: “No or very limited exposure to physical risk.” Not if my wife finds out. )