Waiting for my dream girl

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SIBERIA – Russian men are choosing to spend their time with rubber women rather than real women.

In a trend that is growing across Russia, men are not pursuing women anymore for relationships, companionship or even sex. Instead they are purchasing rubber women and spending their leisure time with them, rather than trying to find a girlfriend.

“Russian women are too demanding, too difficult. It is much easier to go to the store, buy a girlfriend and be done with it,” said Viktor Kuchin, 29. (Me: You mean WalMart has them? )

It all started near the Ob reservoir (Ob Sea) in Novosibirsk, Siberia. Several men decided to hold a Rubber Woman Party, (Me: I couldn’t face my friends afterward… ) in which men were invited to come with their favorite rubber woman. “That was the best party we’ve had in Novosibirsk in ten years. The men talked about sports and business while the rubber women just stood in the corner. Later, everybody had sex with their rubber girlfriend. It was a perfect night.” (Me: Somehow I don’t think so… )

The women of Novosibirsk, the third largest Russian city after Moscow and St. Petersburg, are not amused. “Siberian men are shit,” said Anya Goddosky. “They think that by taking these rubber women to the beach and restaurants and on dates, that women will pay more attention to them. (Me: Yeah, to avoid them… ) But, we will not. They are clowns. And those rubber women are whores. Clowns and whores.” (Me: I don’t know how an “inanimate object” could be a whore. But these guys sure seem like clowns to me… )

(And to think all those years I wasted my time marrying two beautiful women in real life and then kept hoping I would meet someone on here before I got married for the second time. Shit. Instead, I could have been enjoying the last ten years with a “rubber girlfriend.” )