Waiting for my dream girl

[a9127]

Spring Break. A lousy day here in Indiana. The only place on earth where you can have both a blizzard and a tornado in the same day.

So with no place to go, that leaves me with too much time on my hands…

Was reading more about this “man marries anime character” thing thinking about how silly it was, then suddenly I found one I liked…

Her name is Misa Amane and she was “born” in either 1984, 1986, or 1987 (depending on who you ask) so she would be the perfect age for me.

As you can see from the picture “Misa” does indeed appear “older” than the others and I think is sorta hot.

Still don’t think I’d marry a cartoon character under any circumstances (I’d never live it down with my friends, it would ruin my career, and my real wife would kill me… ).

But there’s always “cosplay.”

[a9127]

This “man/anime” thing is intriguing. Was reading more about these marriages in Japan last night. It is much more widespread than I thought. It is, as I said in an earlier post, “the gift that keeps on giving.” Like, I’m wondering what you would talk about on your first date?

Me: “Misa, how do you like this place? This is one of Indy’s top restaurants. What would you like to order? Waiter! Two martinis please. Grey Goose. Extra dry. One olive. By the way, ever listen to Paramore? I think they’re awesome. I've been a fan since 2007 and Riot!. I love Hayley’s voice. She’s my favorite singer. And she’s so beautiful. You remind me of her. Especially your eyes and smile. I hope it’s OK that I said that…”

Misa:

Me: “What kind of music DO you listen to? Metal? Rap? Pop? Emo? Jazz? Funk? Dance? Classical?”

Misa:

Me: “Misa, I’ve really enjoyed meeting you. Hope you had a good time this evening. By the way, want another drink?”

Misa:

Me: “Misa, your eyes are so beautiful. God, I just want to get lost in them forever… ”

Misa:

Me: “Misa, I want to take you home, tie you to my bed, slowly remove your clothes, then go down on you for hours until you are driven wild from pleasure, then fuck you silly until we are both spent, then just lie there cuddled up together. Tomorrow morning I’ll make you breakfast and we’ll spend the whole day just hanging out. Maybe later we can go for a walk in the woods near my house.”

Misa:

Then after the "marriage"...

Me: “Misa, I have this client that’s being unreasonable. We promised him a report on his target demographic by the end of the month, but he says he wants it this week. You know that we will have to cancel our trip to that resort casino in southern Indiana. Sorry sweetie. I know how much you were looking forward to it. I was planning to ride the Harley. I’ll make it up to you. I promise.”

Misa:

Me: “Misa, I love you but sometimes I feel that we just don’t communicate. I mean I want to know what you think about stuff. You’re everything to me. Misa???”

Misa:

[a9127]

Another one of those “Born Before 1985” ads. God, I love these... What are they thinking? The latest version says “Born before 1987.” Pretty soon they'll be saying "Born Before 2005." Yeah he looks like part of the "i Generation."

No wonder I can't get a date on here. Just too fucking old.. I guess I will be leaving TLB for good.

But I’m not the only one who finds these “fake ads” offensive. Novelist Christopher Fowler “calls them out” on his Twitter account.

Here are some of my favorite replies:

“WTF?!”

“I guess if you're over 33 this is what you look like, as decided by a 21 year-old 'creative' working in some provincial ad agency.”

“Well, on a Monday morning they might just have a point.”

“Jesus, my grandad was 92 when he died and he didn't look as raddled as that.”

“More like 1885.”

“The recession has been hard on all of us.”

(But I see my picture above with the "20 inch" cock has generated more interest than anything I've posted recently. Fuck yeah! )

[a9127]

I really like this "fake ad" better than the one above. When I first started teaching we dated for a long time then suddenly she moved away. Now I know what she's been up to all these years.

Anyway she got back in touch and said I could make enough money to retire in my 30's and come down there and live with her.

That is if I don't end up in jail first. Pretty sure all forms of Cannabis are illegal in Indiana (everything is illegal in Indiana ).

(The thing that bothers me most about those "Born Before 1985" ads like the one in the post before this one, is not so much the age thing but why do they keep using that picture of me without my permission? )

[a9127]

My "future wife" is featured in another one of those "ads" on CNN today.

Wasn't really even thinking about the jacket. I was however imagining she was naked underneath it...

(Always happy to see one of these "ads" that doesn't imply I'm like ninety fucking years old because I was born in the 80's. )

[a9127]

SIBERIA – Russian men are choosing to spend their time with rubber women rather than real women.

In a trend that is growing across Russia, men are not pursuing women anymore for relationships, companionship or even sex. Instead they are purchasing rubber women and spending their leisure time with them, rather than trying to find a girlfriend.

“Russian women are too demanding, too difficult. It is much easier to go to the store, buy a girlfriend and be done with it,” said Viktor Kuchin, 29. (Me: You mean WalMart has them? )

It all started near the Ob reservoir (Ob Sea) in Novosibirsk, Siberia. Several men decided to hold a Rubber Woman Party, (Me: I couldn’t face my friends afterward… ) in which men were invited to come with their favorite rubber woman. “That was the best party we’ve had in Novosibirsk in ten years. The men talked about sports and business while the rubber women just stood in the corner. Later, everybody had sex with their rubber girlfriend. It was a perfect night.” (Me: Somehow I don’t think so… )

The women of Novosibirsk, the third largest Russian city after Moscow and St. Petersburg, are not amused. “Siberian men are shit,” said Anya Goddosky. “They think that by taking these rubber women to the beach and restaurants and on dates, that women will pay more attention to them. (Me: Yeah, to avoid them… ) But, we will not. They are clowns. And those rubber women are whores. Clowns and whores.” (Me: I don’t know how an “inanimate object” could be a whore. But these guys sure seem like clowns to me… )

(And to think all those years I wasted my time marrying two beautiful women in real life and then kept hoping I would meet someone on here before I got married for the second time. Shit. Instead, I could have been enjoying the last ten years with a “rubber girlfriend.” )

[a9127]

One trend I’ve noticed with these “man/doll” relationships is a vast “age difference.” I genuinely feel sorry for the Japanese man that married the anime character. Something is wrong. He clearly could find a human partner but he obviously suffers from extreme shyness and has been bullied by women acquaintances and co-workers whom he has attempted to ask out.

I have far less sympathy for some of the others. The man on the left has been married to plastic women nine (!) times and has made many misogynistic comments. He has said he “prefers dolls to living women.” Sounds like a real winner.

The second guy… Yeah dude, you wish. The sad thing is he is married, in his late 50’s (he looks older to me) and “sleeps” with his “rubber girlfriend” four times a week. Damn, that’s a lot of Viagra.

The third guy. Well I can’t imagine why he can’t get a date? I wonder what these guys do? Do their coworkers know? Do they even have jobs? Some are married. My wife would kill me if I ever brought one of these “dolls” home. I’m not sure this will become acceptable until the dolls are more like humans and we have all retreated into isolation. Sad. Right now they are, at best, very expensive (“Michelle” was almost $8,000) “masturbation” devices. I want a partner that is my best friend and lover, someone I can relate to, someone I can talk to. A real live "warm" living person I can snuggle up to at night. And when I get to be the age of most of these guys, someone who knows CPR and can dial 911 if I have a heart attach during sex.

(I know the one in the middle picture is thinking "How did I get stuck with this loser? I wish he was 6'4", in his 30's, financially well off, drove a black ZR-1, and lived in Zionsville. Shit I couldn't care less whether he's married or not..." )