i love tgirls but i love my gf. what do i do?!?!

[EdwardSinclair]

You are welcome!!

I understand that it can be a tough one to call! I have had bad experiences in the past, right when I started joining communities, but my current partner (my wife) is way more open about these things than even I am, so I have not found a problem with her thus far! It did take some adjusting though...

So even if the person you are with doesn't accept it, later you will find one who does... because if someone loves you they must accept you the way you are!

If you settle for less your life will suck daily, because of the secrets you keep from each other, filling a huge hole or gap between you, that eventually gets so huge that you can't cross over without falling into a deep abyss, and you may end up hurting that person you love instead, because even hidden things have a way to surface in the end!

[Wendy Summers]

There's an obvious answer:

THREESOME!

[guiltydreamer]

Originally Posted by EdwardSinclair

You are welcome!!

I understand that it can be a tough one to call! I have had bad experiences in the past, right when I started joining communities, but my current partner (my wife) is way more open about these things than even I am, so I have not found a problem with her thus far! It did take some adjusting though...

So even if the person you are with doesn't accept it, later you will find one who does... because if someone loves you they must accept you the way you are!

If you settle for less your life will suck daily, because of the secrets you keep from each other, filling a huge hole or gap between you, that eventually gets so huge that you can't cross over without falling into a deep abyss, and you may end up hurting that person you love instead, because even hidden things have a way to surface in the end!

I overlooked this post previously. You are absolutely spot on with this advice. My problem has been secrecy and lack of communication and indeed I have fallen deep, deeper into the abyss. My moral compass long ago ceased to function and I have badly betrayed the person most dear to me. The sad irony is that on discussing and admitting my cheating ways and sex with transsexual partners, my wife is most destroyed by the lies, dishonesty and betrayal rather than the infidelity itself. Whilst she is shocked by my sexual behavior, she is tolerant and understanding of same sex and third sex attraction. If only I had summoned the courage and respect for her to admit to my feelings some time ago, perhaps my marriage could have been saved.

Originally Posted by guiltydreamer

I overlooked this post previously. You are absolutely spot on with this advice. My problem has been secrecy and lack of communication and indeed I have fallen deep, deeper into the abyss. My moral compass long ago ceased to function and I have badly betrayed the person most dear to me. The sad irony is that on discussing and admitting my cheating ways and sex with transsexual partners, my wife is most destroyed by the lies, dishonesty and betrayal rather than the infidelity itself. Whilst she is shocked by my sexual behavior, she is tolerant and understanding of same sex and third sex attraction. If only I had summoned the courage and respect for her to admit to my feelings some time ago, perhaps my marriage could have been saved.

Yes, it's a sad fact that not only do gbltq people have to "come out of the closet" so do a lot of guys who are straight but still find transsexual women attractive.
It's all because of the society we live in today. To many people have their minds closed off to the reality that gender isn't binary, and nor is it determined by ones genitalia.
And just because one man is only attracted to women with penises and no other variation does not make him gay or bi. It's because he's still only attracted to women.
But many people like to see in black and white. It's either one or the other. And won't accept reality as a full spectrum of colors.

I follow Harvey Milks philosophy on this matter. Everyone every where needs to come out for who they are. Even if it's just to their family and loved ones.
Once everyone knows at least one of these minorities is actually a human being with feelings just as theirs. Than that's when change will happen.

Wow... I so digressed. Sorry.
But anyways, always be honest with the ones you love. Because if they love you for who you are, than they will love everything about you. Even your flaws.
Not saying being attracted to trans girls is a flaw, but I think you get my point.

Of course, guiltydreamer, I don’t know anything about your situation except what you’re telling us, and I myself would never judge without knowing. But are you certain it is too late for yourself? I think what I’ve said to deanthemachine goes for everyone: communication is the most important element of any relationship. You can open up gradually to your wife if you still have time. And if you don’t, if everything seems doomed, consequences will always be favoured by communication anyway. Sometimes we don’t give enough credit to people we share love with: when we express ourselves completely, they very often surprise us by how much they can accept. And almost paradoxically, it applies more and more as we get older. I don’t know how things are for you, but if need be, open the valves gradually too, involve her in your life, guiltydreamer. If you do it gradually, there always will be time to back track to status quo if things gets to be uglier…
ThidEyeGirl is right: human sexuality is much more complex than we like to admit. I refer to the Kinsey’s study in a thread entitled “Does liking shemales make you gay?” (from post #695), which revealed at the end of the 40s how notions of homosexuality and heterosexuality are in fact vague and imprecise considering the extraordinary variety of sexual behaviour in humans. Americans were shocked when the study came out, and it certainly had something to do with the beginning of what came to be called the sexual revolution, during the next decade. They made a film about Kinsey, with Leam Neeson; maybe you can watch it with your spouse to start a dialogue, I don’t know (maybe this suggestion is ridiculous considering the length at which your situation endure, in which case I’d be sorry, of course). But check it out. The variety and complexity of our desire, all of us, goes much beyond what society superficially accepts as being normal. This is a good start to any discussion on the matter. Express your love, and express your desire; do it slowly or do it faster, but just open up and share if there is anything to be saved. Any authentic relationship really is worth it.
In any case I wish you the best of luck with what you have to deal with, guiltydreamer.

I already posted the “Kinsey scale”, but I will nonetheless do so once again. It was designed by Alfred Kinsey to analyze sexual orientation. You understand that the scale shows a progression of desire from a state of being totally heterosexual (first column to your left) to a state of being totally homosexual (last column to your right). Take a note that most people in those studies showed to be belonging in a majority to the 5 middle columns, which should be telling enough.