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#1
12-13-2011
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Part 2
Legal battles When fifth grade started, Wyatt was gone. Nicole showed up for school, sometimes wearing a dress and sporting shoulder-length hair. She began using the girls? bathroom. Nikki?s friends didn?t have a problem with the transformation; there were playdates and sleepovers. ?They said, ?It was about time!? ?? Nicole says. She was elected vice president of her class and excelled academically. But one day a boy called her a ?faggot,?? objected to her using the girls? bathroom, and reported the matter to his grandfather, who is his legal guardian. The grandfather complained to the Orono School Committee, with the Christian Civic League of Maine backing him. The superintendent of schools then decided Nicole should use a staff bathroom. ?It was like a switch had been turned on, saying it is now OK to question Nicole?s choice to be transgender and it was OK to pursue behavior that was not OK before,?? Wayne says. ?Every day she was reminded that she was different, and the other kids picked up on it.?? According to a 2009 study by the Gay, Lesbian and Straight Education Network, 90 percent of transgender youth report being verbally harassed and more than half physically harassed. Two-thirds of them said they felt unsafe in school. To protect her from bullying at school, Nicole was assigned an adult to watch her at all times between classes, following her to the cafeteria, to the bathroom. She found it intrusive and stressful. It made her feel like even more of an outsider. ?Separate but equal does not work,?? she says. It was a burden that Jonas shouldered as well. The same boy who in fifth grade objected to her using the girls bathroom made the mistake of saying to Jonas in sixth grade that ?freaking gay people?? shouldn?t be allowed in the school. Jonas jumped on him and a scuffle ensued. ?He?s taken on a lot,?? Wayne says. ?Middle school boys and sexuality, you know . . . boys can get picked on.?? Nicole and her parents filed a complaint with the Maine Humans Right Commission over her right to use the girls bathroom. The commission found that she had been discriminated against and, along with the Maines family, filed a lawsuit against the Orono School District. The suit is pending in Penobscot County Superior Court, and the Maines family is represented by lawyers from the Gay & Lesbian Advocates & Defenders (GLAD) in Boston and by Jodi Nofsinger, who serves on the Maine ACLU board. ?What Nicole and Jonas both went through in school was unconscionable,?? says Jennifer Levi, one of the GLAD lawyers on the case. ?Their one huge stroke of luck was having Kelly and Wayne as parents.?? A huge relief Since that first visit to Spack when Nicole was 9, her parents discussed putting her into the GeMS Clinic when the right time came. They were glad there was time to adjust to the idea. ?Baby steps,?? Kelly calls their path toward treatment. ?I wasn?t always on board,?? Wayne says. ?Kelly and I were not on the same page. My question was, what is this doctor doing? It scared me. I was grieving. I was losing my son.?? But the more he watched his child struggle, the better he felt about going to Spack. And once he got there, he says, it was a huge relief. ?Not only does he know what he?s doing, he?s extremely comforting. He?s got to deal with a ton of dads who are just freaking out, and he made me feel good.?? Spack?s experience runs deep; before the clinic was established, he had long worked with transgender youth, as well as with adults. ?The most striking thing about these kids was the fact that they were just normal young people who had this incredibly unusual and problematic situation,?? says Spack, 68. He believes it is crucial to intervene with such children before adolescent changes begin in earnest. ?Most of us look pretty similar until we hit puberty,?? he says. ?I bet I could go to any fourth or fifth-grade class, cut the hair of the boys, put earrings on various kids, change their clothing, and we could send all those kids off to the opposite-gender bathrooms and nobody would say boo.?? He adds: ?We can do wonders if we can get them early.?? Second-guessing Not everyone agrees that they should, of course, and Spack has heard the arguments: Man should not interfere with what God has wrought. Early adolescents are too young for such huge decisions, much less life-altering treatment. Though GeMS treatment is now considered the standard of care by mainstream medical groups, some have their doubts. Dr. Kenneth Zucker, a psychologist and head of the gender-identity service at the Center for Addiction and Mental Health in Toronto, says he worries about putting youngsters on puberty blockers, drugs that suppress the release of testosterone in boys and estrogen in girls. ?One controversy is, how low does one go in starting blockers??? Zucker says. ?Should you start at 11? At 10? What if someone starts their period at 9??? Nicole started on the blockers at age 11. He also questions the role the parents have played; have they simply followed the child?s lead? ?Say a 5-year-old says repeatedly that he wants to be a girl,?? Zucker says. ?The parents deduce this must mean the child is transgender, so they socially transition him to living in the other gender.?? Spack and others, however, say the issue is a medical one and that early intervention makes sense. ?We?re talking about a population that has the highest rate of suicide attempts in the world, and it?s strongly linked to nontreatment, especially if they are rejected within their family for being who they think they are,?? says Spack, who adds that nearly a quarter of his patients admitted to ?serious self-harm?? before coming to him. As for the criticisms about ?playing God,?? Spack quotes from the Old Testament: ?Leviticus says, ?If thy neighbor is bleeding by the side of the road, you shall not stand idly by the blood of thy neighbor.? It?s a mandate. I think these kids have been bleeding.?? The next step The clinic, which includes geneticists, social workers, psychiatrists, psychologists, and nurses, has so far treated 95 patients for disorders that range from babies born with ambiguous genitalia to cases where normal sexual development does not occur. About a third of the patients have undergone puberty suppression. Each patient must have been in therapy with someone familiar with transgender issues and who writes a letter recommending the treatment. The child?s family also must undergo extensive psychological testing before and during treatment. And the patient must be in the early stage of puberty, before bodily changes are noticeable. Nicole and Jonas are the first set of identical twins the program has seen, and they have provided critical comparative data, Spack says. The effects of the blockers ? an injection given monthly to prevent the gonads from releasing the unwanted hormones ? are reversible; patients can stop taking them and go through puberty as their biological sex. This is critical, Spack says, because a ?very significant number of children who exhibit cross-gender behavior?? before puberty ?do not end up being transgender.?? Since the 1970s, the blockers have been used for the rare condition of precocious puberty, when children as young as 3 can hit puberty. They are kept on the blockers until they are of appropriate age. ?The drugs have a great track record; we already know that these kids do fine,?? says Spack. ?There are no ill consequences.?? It is the next big step ? taking sex hormones of the opposite gender ? that creates permanent changes, such as breasts and broadened hips, that cannot be hormonally reversed. ?In puberty,??? Spack says, ?when your body starts making a statement, you either have to accept it or reject it.?? There is no definitive answer to the question of what causes gender identity disorder, though studies suggest a genetic contribution. ?It?s still a very open question,?? Zucker says. And how could it affect just one of two identical twins? ?There can be genetic changes during fetal development that maybe hit one twin but not the other.?? 
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#2
12-13-2011
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Part 3
Changed atmosphere After the family?s lawsuit against the Orono schools was publicized, the atmosphere in town changed. When they went to the movies, people pointed and whispered. There were fewer party invitations, fewer sleepovers. In the sixth grade, the twins joined the school?s Outing Club. All year they attended meetings to prepare for the crowning event: a whitewater rafting trip. Wayne went to several meetings, too, so he could serve as a chaperone. Wayne thought he had a good relationship with the club leader. But then the man informed him that Nicole would not be allowed to sleep in the tent with the girls ? the same girls who had slept over her house several times. She and her father could have a separate tent. A difficult family conversation followed. Jonas and Wayne went on the trip. Nicole stayed home. After that episode, Kelly and Wayne decided a new start would be good for the family. The summer after the sixth grade, they moved to a larger, more diverse community in southern Maine, and the twins enrolled in public school. Wayne still works at UMaine and stays in Orono during the week, spending weekends with his family. For two years, in seventh and eighth grade, Nicole went ?stealth,?? as she calls it: passing as a girl. She did not tell anyone that she was biologically male. Though she made friends at school, she never brought them to the house. After that hard last year in Orono, the family was afraid to come out. This fall the twins entered high school, transferring to a smaller, private school known for open-mindedness. Before they arrived, the school changed its bathrooms to unisex. And before classes started, the family met with members of the school?s Gay Straight Alliance ? ?so she?d have older kids watching her back,?? says Wayne. After the meeting, the group changed its name to include transgender; it is now the Gay Straight Transgender Alliance. ?It made me a lot more comfortable,?? Nicole says. ?I thought, this is OK. I can do this.?? She recently started telling some of her new friends her story. One girl replied: ?Does this mean you?re going to start wearing boys? clothes to school??? ?No,?? replied Nicole. ?I?m male to female.?? The girl?s reaction? ?She was like, ?Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.? ?? Concerns about safety The male hormone suppressors have done their job, and the next step is to add female hormones so that Nicole will undergo puberty as a girl and develop as a woman, with breasts and curvy hips. She is due to see Spack in January, and a date may then be set for adding estrogen, which she will take every day for the rest of her life. Though she will have a higher risk of breast cancer than if she were a male, she will have a lower risk of prostate cancer, Spack says. The treatment will leave her infertile. But before the estrogen is administered, the GeMS clinic will reevaluate Nicole to make sure that she still identifies as a female and wants to continue. ?In my experience, the patients just blossom physically and mentally when they get the hormones of the gender they affirm,?? Spack says. ?It?s quite amazing. I feel good about Nicole and who she is and where she?s going.?? An endocrinologist in Maine now administers the blockers Nicole needs, but Spack still sees her in Boston every four to six months. The Maines family has grown close to him and others in the clinic. ?I love going to see him,?? says Wayne, who has thanked Spack for ?saving my daughter?s life.?? The Maines family declined to talk about the cost of the treatment but said insurance has covered much of it. But as well as things are going, the Maines family still worries about Nicole?s safety. Last year Wayne and Nicole attended Transgender Day of Remembrance in Maine, which honors those who have been killed in hate crimes. Wayne spoke to the crowd, telling them that as much as Nicole is loved at home, her family cannot always protect her. ?I remind her that she needs to always be aware of her surroundings, to stay close to friends and her brother if she feels uncomfortable, and to call me anytime she feels threatened,?? he said. Lobbying the Legislature Last winter, Maine state representative Kenneth Fredette, a Republican from Penobscot County, sponsored a bill that would have repealed protections for transgender people in public restrooms, instead allowing schools and businesses to adopt their own policies. The bill was a response to the Maines? 2009 lawsuit against the Orono School District. Last spring Wayne and Nicole roamed the halls of the State House, button-holing legislators and testifying against the bill. ?I?d be in more danger if I went into the boys bathroom,?? Nicole told the lawmakers, who ultimately rejected the bill. ?She knows how to work a room,?? her father says proudly. ?She even convinced a cosponsor to vote the other way.?? In October, the family was honored for its activism in helping defeat the transgender bathroom bill. The Maineses received the Roger Baldwin Award, named for a founder of the American Civil Liberties Union, from the Maine chapter of the ACLU. Surrounded by Kelly and the kids, Wayne told the audience that he and his wife have had top-notch guides as they confronted the unknown. ?As a conventional dad, hunter, and former Republican, it took me longer to understand that I never had two sons,?? he told them. ?My children taught me who Nicole is and who she needed to be.?? Typical teens In some respects, Jonas has had as tough a time as Nicole. For one thing, there?s the personality difference: Nicole is the dominant twin, talkative and tough, while Jonas is cautious and reserved. ?If this had been Jonas, I would have had to home school him,?? his mother says. The twins have always been close. During an interview, Nicole sits next to her brother on the couch and occasionally lays her head on his shoulder. At one point, when Jonas goes silent as the twins talk of their lives, she whispers words of encouragement into his ear. But the next minute, like typical teenage siblings, they?re teasing and tussling. Jonas displays a faint scar on his arm where Nicole jabbed him with a pencil. Both have black belts in tae kwon do, which they started at age 5. They often hang out in Jonas?s spacious basement room, where they watch TV and play video games. ?I love having a sister,?? says Jonas, who acknowledges being protective of her. ?We have a very strong relationship.?? Nicole calls Jonas her closest friend. ?I would say my brother got lucky with me. Because we grew up with only boy neighbors, I developed a liking to shoot-?em-up and military video games,?? she says. ?I could have come out a lot girlier.?? At 14, Jonas is handsome, Nicole pretty. Jonas is midway through puberty. His shoulders have broadened, his voice has deepened, and there?s a shadow on his upper lip. He?s 5 feet 6 and weighs 115 pounds, with a size 11 shoe. Nicole is petite: 5 feet 1, 100 pounds. She?s got long, dark hair and she wears girls? size 14-16. Her closet contains nice shirts and jeans, party dresses, glittery shoes, and a pair of footy pajamas. ?The thought of being a boy makes me cringe,?? she says. ?I just couldn?t do it.?? Excited, worried about surgery Nicole?s final step on her journey to womanhood would be gender reassignment surgery. Doctors generally won?t perform it until the age of consent, which is 18. No hospitals in New England perform such surgery, says Spack. The nearest that do are in Montreal and Philadelphia. Nicole says she?s excited about the idea of surgery, though a bit worried about the results ? ?and maybe the pain, too.?? While she?s interested in boys, she has expressed fear that ?nobody is ever going to love me.?? She has gone on weekend retreats sponsored by the Trans Youth Equality Foundation and to summer camp for transgender children, where she developed her first crush on a boy. Over the years, the family has become close to several adult transsexuals, and Nicole has seen that some have found happy marriages. ?She says she does feel better about it,?? Kelly says, ?but still wonders if she ever met a boy who falls for her, and then found out that she was trans, if he would still like her, or say awful things as he skedaddled out the door.?? Nicole knows there is a long road ahead, but she feels she?s on the right path. ?Obviously my life is not going to be as easy as being gender-conforming, but there are perks like being able to get out there and do things that will benefit the [transgender] community,?? she says. ?I think everything?s going to turn out pretty well for me.?? For now, at least, life feels more normal to the Maines family. Wayne recently spoke at GLAD?s Spirit of Justice dinner in Boston and was introduced by Nicole. She kept her composure in her brief remarks and thanked GLAD for giving them a rare chance to ?safely speak out.?? Wayne choked up when thanking the group for its support. He recounted young Wyatt asking him, sadly, ?Daddy, why can?t boys wear dresses??? Wayne hated to tell his son that society wouldn?t accept that. But today, when Nicole asks her father what he thinks of a certain dress she?s wearing, his typical response, he told the audience, is: ?That dress is too short. Go change your clothes.?? In conversation later, Wayne tells another story of how things have changed, for good and forever. He and the twins were getting out of the car recently, and he grabbed their hands to walk with them. Jonas, being a teenage boy, shook his father off, while Nicole was happy to walk hand-in-hand, swinging arms. ?She?ll do that the rest of her life,?? Wayne says with a wide grin. ?It was an epiphany for me.??
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#3
12-13-2011
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The story I've posted above has become a big topic of conversation everywhere I've been in the Boston area since Sunday. At my university, LGBT students report that a couple of other students who have often seemed quite disturbed by the presence of transgenders in their classes have come up to them, mentioned that they read the article, and expressed forgiveness for their past "lack of understanding" or for open hostility.
On the subway this morning, I overheard a woman who must have been in her 70s discussing the article with a younger woman in her 40s, who might have been her daughter. The older woman said something along the lines of how she doesn't know how she would've handled such a thing, but she was proud to know that it was someone from Maine who had the courage to stand up for a child in need "like that." Talk radio has been abuzz, too (I'm told), with the haters coming out in droves. But they are, apparently, being countered even by regular callers who are marveling at the courage of this family.
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#4
12-13-2011
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I'm so proud [not] of the upstanding fifth grader who took it upon himself to worry about who uses the girls bathroom
Could he be the next Rev Farewell? or perhaps a future GOP president? or perhaps he"ll just be another skinhead carring out his God given right to stomp all fags and transgendered people  Sorry for only foucausing on the negative parts of this story I wish Nicole all the best   Santa's naughty elf Jen
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#6
12-13-2011
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Quote:
Though this story is definitely a step in the right direction.
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#7
12-13-2011
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Originally Posted by smc View Post
“nobody is ever going to love me.’’ Quote:
Last edited by Florian; 12-13-2011 at 10:33 PM. Reason: Extra thought.
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#8
12-14-2011
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Aww, that made me cry.
I am so proud of the parents for loving & supporting their daughter, and helping her to grow & blossom to be the person she knew she needed to be. Thank you for sharing that, SMC.  Is that article online ? I would love to post it on a small, TG forum that I help moderate. Thank you, sweetie. 
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Hybrid Mode
