Is there a sequence of events that you believe lead to your current sexual desires

[sissyneha]

we sometimes played nude as well running away from our parents's clutch before they could bathe us.....
everything went well until we stepped into adolescence.......
i was terrified at the sight of the first hairs on my body... more so in the pubic region......so much so that i enquired of my mom whether it was normal or is it some sort of disease????
my mom consoled me to some extent with her answer....

but i felt something was wrong ....
i saw boobs growing on my playmates...but mine were flat still....
some time passed by and then i also felt two little lumps beneath my nipples...
i broke the news to my mother ... this time joyfully...(though the lumps did hurt a bit)... since now i felt like i will also have boobs like my playmates.
but that was not to be then.....
and i really hated my mother for that....
she took me to a doctor who examined those lumps and gave some medicines
and after a few days of having those horrible medicine (which i termed as boob killers) the lumps disappeared...
and i mourned their disappearance quietly.......

[sissyneha]

i was so taken over by grief... or i don't know what.....
that i became miserable......
it was like i was being kept away from my share of candy while my playmates had theirs....
to add further to my woes my parents couldn't understand my needs and sent me to an all boys boarding school......
They probably thought i would adapt to their (boys) way of living but that was not to be.........
i could not fit into the scheme of things there... or rather i didn't even try....
i was ridiculed and bullied and beaten every now and then for my girl like ways....
i could not even stand and pee.....i used to close myself inside a lavatory and sat and peed.....
people soon started becoming curious and after about a week i was caught red handed while sitting and peeing......(it felt like such a crime at that time)....
As a punishment i was asked to pee in front of some seniors while standing....as i was not used to this i spoiled all my clothes while trying to....
Everybody around burst into laughter while i sobbed ...... tears came running down my eyes.....
From then on i became a piece of mockery for everyone.....
when i could bear no more...
i reported the matter to my parents who came to my rescue and got those responsible for my embarrassment expelled.....
But that was little consolation for me.....
i told my parents that i wanted to be a girl for the rest of my life and have nothing to do with boys.....
They could not take it well and everything seemed topsy-turvy ......
my parents moved out of the joint family. We went to a big city to start life afresh where after my continued persuasions...i was allowed professional help
and now i live happily as i should have been.

[kitty cox]

One such event was in forth grade all the students were treated to a movie in the cafeteria; the lights were turned down low and the film began the boy that was beside me to my right asked me if I wanted to play a game I said yes he said that we would both try and see who could be first to get the other guys penis out of his zipped pants with one hand; I remember that I never even hesitated for a second, with my enthusiastic response, he did not hesitate either and said look I will show you. He slid his left hand over to my tiny bulge and started unzipping my pants, my bulge was now growing larger as he tugged at the zipper, as soon as he had my zipper down he slipped his hand in the opening and fondled me through my BVD's , this went on much longer then it would take any boy to find the fly-front of another boys underwear. After a minute or two he went in for the real deal and passed his hand through the fly and started fondling around for a minute and then, I believe he reluctantly pulled my, now hard, penis out of my pants for anyone that was near to us could see. It was so exciting, the whole thing, the fact that we were in the middle of the rest of our classmates, even if the room was dark, there I was sitting, just fresh from agreeing to have another boy play with me and now I am sitting there with my hardon sticking out of my pants and all I could think about was that I wanted more. Before I could say anything, he said now zip up and we can start the game. It was like a dream had come true I was hopping that someone else liked this sort of thing other then just me. I left out that this was a Catholic school and I was raised by all of the guilt-ridden adults that this kind of thing was dirty. Naturally we played different variations of that game all through the movie.
Afterward we agreed to met in the boys lavatory after school; we stood in one of the deserted lavatory stalls and unzipped our pants and rubbed our penises together from the first moment I never questioned it I simply loved it. I still loved girl's bodies and there clothing but I turned my attention to boys and their dicks it felt much more comfortable soon I met many boys that liked exposing their selves and being touched. When I would see a boy's penis all I wanted to do was kiss it and lick his balls but that was only a unfulfilled all consuming desire for several years before it would completely come true.
I will continue in my very next post.

[kitty cox]

The family and I moved to another state and I found a new friend that had a curiosity about such things. This new friend of mine told me how when his parents would have some of their friends over he would go to his room close the door and lay under his bed, pull his zipper down pull his hard penis out and just lay there. He said it felt so good to be hard and exposing himself, even if no one were likely to catch him it excited him to know that there was a room full of people, just on the other side of the door. I told him that I had been doing that kind of thing for years and I quickly encouraged him that it would be fun if we were to slide under his bed an do it right now. He willingly agreed. As soon as I caught sight of his cute little hairless boy package, I knew I had to have it. I asked him did he know what a blow job was, I told him that I had seen a picture in a book that my father had in his nightstand and that there was a picture of a lady with a mans penis in her mouth, I remember when I did see that picture I remember thinking to my self that here again the girl in the picture was having all the fun and her panty covered bottom was so pretty, any way back to that afternoon with my new friend. He agreed to let me do it to him and that was really all I needed. like I said when I laid eyes on what he had between his legs I had to find a way to kiss it, lick it and just to even taste that cute little thing, as soon as he agreed to let me try..... yes try I did and that was the first taste of lady boy cock that I had in my young life and that along with my fondness for the female body have bonded the desires that remain to this very day for ladyboys. He said he enjoyed it but soon enough I was to realize that I was the one always asking him if I could take his pants down. I wanted more I had waited for a long time to find another friend that had a interest in such things I had longing desires but it was something that I was not going to talk about. I thought I was a freak of nature desiring both boys and girls but wanting to wear girls panties and other pretty girl things, I had been convinced that most people don't feel or think that way. If another were to talk about it I would give them safe haven immediately with my own admission but not until. So I kept pushing my new friend for more every time I would see him I would ask him if I could play with his penis and balls I really enjoyed licking his balls. And it got to the point that every time I would get him in a secluded place I would ask him if I could pull his pants down and play with him.
He must of got caught by his mother or father doing something because he asked me if I thought we might be doing something wrong we were to young for these kinds of moral questions about ten and eleven years old but he would not answer the door any more and his parents said he was away somewhere but I never laid eyes on him again. I suspect that his parents sent him to stay with a relative so he and I would not be playing together any more. That realization of that fact, about his parents sending him to stay with relatives was not mine at that age but when I reflect back, on the sequence of events, I am sure that is exactly what occurred. please come back the story goes on.

[kitty cox]

There is another thing worth mentioning there was a pretty blond girl that lived in the apartment up stairs to better explain I should add that we grew up poor and my mother was always trying to do things to scrape-by. One of her favorite things to do was to tell neighbors that there was a clothing drive for some good cause, and she would go through the items and ask me to try on anything I liked; I remember on this particular occasion, I picked out three shirts that I liked (now remember I chose these items) now let me finish the story about the cute blond girl upstairs. A group of our neighborhood boys and girls were introduced to the game spin the bottle, and we played the game for about a week and that was the first time I kissed the cute blond from upstairs; I wanted to look good for the game, and so I put on one of the shirts that I had picked out from the donations and wore a different one every night in the hope of winning the cute blond girls' heart. The shirts were a pull-over your head type and had a pastel checker pattern with very short sleeves with a white trim; there were three buttons at the neck that you could button after you got your head through. The following weekend me and the little blond girl tried a little heaver kissing on the front porch I think we both enjoyed this, and we would talk with each other in-between kissing and hugging each other that is when she told me that I had been wearing one or another of her blouses just about every night for the past week, and that I was wearing one at that very moment. I told her she was crazy, she told me that it was true, and she would prove it, she showed me how a girl's blouse buttoned the opposite way and how the one I was wearing had darts sewed into the front of the blouse. I just acted like I did not know how that happened, she sweetly assured me not to be concerned, she thought I looked cute in them, and that they fit me just right. We continued Kissing. I wore one of the blouses again every time I saw her come out to play, because she told me she liked me in them. We never had a chance to make out again apparently the reason that her mother, had given my mother, all the cloths for the clothing drive, was because her family was in the process of moving.
Take a breath with me and lets look at what was going threw my early sexual development, because I had this whole confusing thing going on about being punished by being put in a pair of panties (Note: Please see my first post) and this girl acting all accepting and reaffirming about how I looked in her blouses. On the one hand, I had been punished in girls panties that was both exciting and embarrassing and little pretty Mary Ann, saying panties were only for girls, and years later another pretty girl telling me I looked cute in her girls cloths, her blouses, this was both exciting and embarrassing and this was the same time that I was experimenting with the eleven year old boy that I told you about in my last post. If I put all these things to gather and shake them up' can you guess wear I am going with this?
(Early childhood development). I know this is a scary subject and many will shy away from sharing the early and sometimes embarrassing things that lead to their current sexual desires but all are welcome here and true freedom is knowing that your path was not completely of your own choosing and all that you have to do is to use reason and do your own thing and if any one questions your choices you can reply to them with these questions. Have you ever taken an in-depth look at the things that happened or did not happen to you? Do you want to share everything with me and tell me why you are the way you are? Are you so self assured that you, do not, think that you have any character flaws? And the final question. If you are sure that you have no flaws can you see that is because you did not live a life like mine?

[kitty cox]

Please share any experience you had in your early years that took you down the path of loving or wanting to be a TGirl, Ladyboy, Pantyboy, Crossdresser, Femboy

[barry]

first off i want to thank you for putting yourself out there. as you stated - it can be difficult to talk about

of my many situations one stands out the most would be when i was around 10. not old enough to know better. this older kid (probably around 17 or 18) down the street would come up and hang out with my brother and i. well eventually he cornered me and i dont know how but we got to talking about penises and errections and that it was normal. he asked if i had seen another errection before and i told him no. so he pulls out his dick witch i recall being quick thick and large. it was semi errect and he started to touch himself. he told me it was ok that i touched it and so i did. i grabbed it like it was a summer sausage wrapping my fingers around the girth of his cock. he seemed to like this.

most times it took place in our play house. we had a club house out behind the fence and we would go out there and play together. i was a very horny child and it was reciprocated so i didnt realize the seriousness of my actions. he said to pretend i was his girlfriend and i would play with his dick and suck on his balls and give him blowjobs (even though i didnt know thats what i was doing) and as i said he would return the favor to my tiny little dick and it felt nice. this continued for quite some time until one day it was too hot of a summer day to "play" in the clubhouse.

so we wandered inside to the basement where our pants eventually came off. the sound of the door handle turning brought me back to reality as i knew perhaps i would be in trouble but not exactly what for. my mom opens the door to find her son and this young man with their pants over their crotches sitting on the floor in the dark of the basement. she told him to go home immediately and i was sent upstairs to talk to her about what had happened.

i told her how it had been ongoing and that i was just pretending to be his girlfriend. it came out of my mouth like i was justifying it. my mother then explained to me that this sort of behavior was not right and that it must stop. i was pretty confused. so i went back to humping my bed until i found someone else as sexually charged as i.

to this day i dont know why she didnt persue criminal charges. perhaps to save me from the horror that would follow, i suppose i will never know.