funny joke!

[Jenae LaTorque]

Now you remember my Uncle Emory Katz who has the grapefruit farm with the alligator pond on it? Well, every once in a while Emory gets an urge to go catfishing down in the Delta Country of Lousianna.
One Friday he loaded up his jon boat and hitched the trailer to his 1963 Studebaker truck and off he went to spend the weekend fishing.
After a successful week, he headed back only to be pulled over by a small town cop at the end of the bridge by Waterston. Now this big old boy informed my Uncle that he had clocked him doing 63 in a 55 mph zone. When Uncle Em asked him if he could pay the fine by check, the cop looked over the beat up old truck and boat and asked Emory if he had a job and if his check was any good.

Uncle Emory answered, "I've got a job! I have a good, well-paying job!"
The cop leaned in the window, smelling Uncle Em's fish catch, said, "What kind of a job would a bum like you have?"
"I'm a rectum stretcher!" replied my uncle.
"What did you say, BOY?" asked the patrolman.
"I'm a rectum stretcher!", repeated Uncle Em.
The cop, scratching his head, asked, "What does a rectum stretcher do?"
Uncle Emory explained, "People call me up and say they need to be stretched, so I go over to their house. I start with a couple of fingers, then a couple more, and then one whole hand, then two. Then I slowly pull them farther and farther apart until it's a full six feet across."
The cop, absorbed with these bizarre images in his mind, asked, "What the hell do you do with a six foot asshole?"
My Uncle Emory Katz nonchalantly answered, "You give it a radar gun and stick it at the end of a bridge!"

[Jenae LaTorque]

Have you ever wondered where and how yodeling began?
Many years ago as a young man, my Uncle Emory was traveling through the mountains of Switzerland ..
Nightfall was rapidly approaching and he had nowhere to sleep. He went up to a farmhouse and asked the farmer if he could spend the night. !
The farmer told him that he could sleep in the barn.
As the story goes, the farmer's daughter asked her father, 'Who is that man going into the barn?'
'That fellow traveling through,' said the farmer. 'needs a place to
stay for the night, so, I told him he could sleep in the barn.'
The daughter said, 'Perhaps he is hungry.' So she prepared him a plate of food for him and then took it out to the barn.
About an hour later, the daughter returned. Her clothing disheveled and straw in her hair. Straight up to bed she went.
The farmer's wife was very observant. She then suggested that perhaps the man was thirsty. So she fetched a bottle of wine, took it out to
the barn,! and she too did not return for an hour. Her clothing was askew, her blouse buttoned incorrectly. She also headed straight to bed.
The next morning at sunrise Uncle Emory got up and continued on his journey, waving to the farmer as he left.
When the daughter awoke and learned that the visitor was gone, she broke into tears. 'How could Emory leave without even saying goodbye,' she cried.
'We made such passionate love last night!'
'What?' shouted the father as he angrily ran out of the house looking for Uncle Emory, who by now was halfway up the mountain.
The farmer screamed up at him, 'I'm going to get you! You had sex with my daughter!'
My Uncle Emory looked back down from the mountainside, cupped his hand next to his mouth, and yelled out.....
'LAIDTHEOLAIDEETOO!'

[johndowe]

Hi there.

Very good one.


Your uncle Em is quite the character, isn't he.


JohnDowe.

[Jenae LaTorque]

Originally Posted by johndowe

Hi there.

Very good one.
Your uncle Em is quite the character, isn't he.
JohnDowe.

Yup! He sure is!

A widowed Jewish lady was sunbathing on a beach at Galveston, Texas. She looked up and noticed that a man her age had walked up, placed his blanket on the sand next to hers and began reading a book. Smiling, she attempted to strike up a conversation with him. "Hello, there, how are you today?"
"Fine, thank you," he responded, and turned back to his book.
"I love the beach. Do you come here often?" she asked.
"This is the first time since my wife passed away 2 years ago," he replied and turned back to his book.
"I'm sorry to hear that. My husband passed away three years ago and it is very lonely," she countered. "Do you live around here?" she queried.

"No, I live on my Grapefruit Farm up in East Texas. I am down here visiting my daughter," he answered, and again he resumed reading.

Trying desperately to find any topic of common interest, she persisted," Do you like pussy cats?"
With that, Uncle Em dropped his book, jumped off his blanket, and climbed on top her, tore off her swimsuit and gave her the most wonderful, passionate sex she'd ever experienced in her entire life. After the cloud of sand began to settle, she gasped and asked the man, "How did you know that was what I wanted?"

Uncle Emory replied...... "How did you know my name was Katz?"

[The Conquistador]

A Jewish kid goes up to his dad and asks him,"Dad! Can I have 20 bucks?" The dad exclaims "20 bucks! I don't have 15 bucks! Where am I gonna 10 bucks??"

[ila]

A polar bear walks into a bar and sits down. He says to the bartender "I'll have a scotch and..........soda."

The bartender says, "Why the long pause?"

The polar bear answers, "I don't know. I was born with them."

[randolph]

Coyote Population

The Alberta Government and the Alberta Forest Service were
presenting an alternative to Alberta ranchers for controlling the
coyote population. It seems that after years of the ranchers using the
tried and true methods of shooting and/or trapping the predators, the
tree-huggers had a 'more humane' solution.


What they proposed was for the animals to be captured alive, the males
would then be castrated and let loose again. Therefore the population
would be controlled. This was ACTUALLY proposed to the Alberta
Ranching Association and Farming Association by the Alberta
Government and the Alberta Forest Service.

All of the ranchers thought about this amazing idea for a couple of
minutes. Finally, one of the old boys in the back of the conference
room stood up, tipped his hat back and said, 'Son, I don't think you
understand our problem.

Those coyotes ain't fuckin' our sheep.....they're eatin' 'em!'
You should have been there to hear the roar of laughter!