funny joke!

[The Conquistador]

A farmer goes out one day and buys a brand new stud rooster for his chicken coop. The young rooster walks over to the old rooster and says, "Ok, old fellow, time to retire."

The old rooster says, "You can't handle all these chickens . . . look at what it did to me!" The young rooster replies, "Now, don't give me a hassle about this. Time for the old to step aside and the young to take over, so take a hike."

The old rooster says, "Aw, c'mon . . . just let me have the two old hens over in the corner. I won't bother you."

The young rooster says, "Scram! Beat it! You're washed up! I'm taking over!" the old rooster thinks for a minute and then says to the young rooster, "I'll tell you what, young fellow, I'll have a race around the farmhouse with you. Whoever wins the race gets domain of the chicken coop."

The young rooster says, "You know I'm going to beat you, old man, so just to be fair, I'm even going to give you a head start."

They line up in back of the farm house, get a chicken to cluck "Go!" and the old rooster takes off running. About 15 seconds later the young rooster takes off after him. They round the front of the farm house and the young rooster is only about 5 inches behind the old rooster and gaining fast. The farmer, sitting on the porch, looks up, sees what's going on, grabs his shotgun and BOOM!, he blows the young rooster to bits. He sadly shakes his head and says, "Dammit, third gay rooster I bought this week!"

[johndowe]

Hi there.

Why did the banker always brought his dates into the vault?


He wanted to practice safe sex.

JohnDowe.

[Jenae LaTorque]

My old Uncle Emory, who lives down in East Texas, has a nice little grapefruit farm near a collage. One day he heard a lot of giggling coming from the pond he has over by one of his orchards. He grabbed a bucket and headed over there. When he got over near there, he discovered a group of young ladies skinny-dipping in his pond. Upon seeing him, they all swam to the far end and remained mostly submerged. My uncle moseyed over to the pond and sat his bucket down and just stood there with a look of surprise.

One called out to him, "We are not coming out till you leave!"

He replied, "Oh. I am just an old fart, and not interested in that sort of thing!"

He continued, "........I am just here to feed the alligators."

That's my Uncle Em for ya.

If you are not a "Boilermaker," simply change the name to your "favorite" alma mater! Enjoy!

Q: Do you know why the Purdue University football team should change its name to the "Possums"?
A: Because they play dead at home and get killed on the road.

Q: What do you call a Purdue player with a championship ring?
A: A thief!

Q: How many Purdue students does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: One, but he gets 3 credits.

Two Purdue University fans were walking down the street when they came upon a dog lying on the sidewalk licking his penis like dogs do.
The first Purdue fan says to the second, "Boy, I wish I could do that."
The second Purdue fan replies, "Yeah, me too. But I wouldn't try it."
The first Purdue fan asks, "Why not?"
The second Purdue fan replies, "Because I'm afraid the dog might bite me."

Q: What do you get when you breed a groundhog and the Purdue Boilermakers?
A: Six more weeks of bad football.

A guy in a bar leans over to the guy next to him and says, "Wanna hear a good Purdue joke?"
The guy next to him replies, "Well before you tell that joke, you should know something. I'm 6' tall, 200 lbs., and I am a Purdue grad. The guy sitting next to me is 6' 2" tall, weighs 225, and he's a Purdue grad. And the fella next to him is 6' 5" tall, weighs 250, and he's a Purdue grad. Now, you still wanna tell that joke?"
The first guy says, "No, not if I'm gonna have to explain it three times."

Q: Did you hear about the power outage at the Purdue University library?
A: Forty students were stuck on the escalator for three hours.

Q. What did the Purdue graduate say his first day on the job?
A. "Welcome to McDonald's. May I take your order, please?"

[johndowe]

Hi there.

DressUp01.jpeg

A little something from Bill Ward.

JohnDowe.

[Jenae LaTorque]

Uncle Emory had an appointment to see a urologist who shared an office with several other doctors. The waiting room was filled with patients.

When Uncle Emory got there he went up to the Sign in desk. The receptionist was a large imposing woman who looked like a wrestler. He gave her his name.

In a very loud voice the receptionist said, "Yes, I see your name here. Mr Emory Katz. And it says you want to want to see the doctor about impotence, right?" The heads of all the patients in the waiting room snapped around, to look at the my very embarrassed uncle.

Uncle Emory recovered quickly though, and in an equally loud voice replied, "No, I've come to inquire about a sex change operation... But... I don't want the same doctor that botched yours!"

[Jenae LaTorque]

Years ago my Uncle Emory was in the Army. The squad was on their first training exercises and were all sleeping out in pup tents with two men in each tent.
After the first night out, the squad was called into formation for muster the next morning. One soldier looked like hell; his eyes were bloodshot and he could hardly keep them open. It turned out that his tent mate snored so loudly that the man couldn't get any sleep.

After several remedies had been tried and all failed, the sergant decided that all the members of the squad would take turns sharing a tent with Bob, the awful snorer. And every day Bob's tent mate would look like hell from not getting any sleep.

The day after Uncle Emory's turn, he appeared at the morning muster looking bright eyed and rarin' to go, while it was Bob who looked like hell.

The segent asked him how this came to be. Uncle Emory explained that when they hit the sack the night before, he tucked Bob into his bedroll, patted his butt, and kissed him goodnight. Bob never closed his eyes for a second the whole night.

And of course Uncle Emory was promoted to corporal and squad leader right away.

[Jenae LaTorque]

A big-city lawyer was representing the railroad in a lawsuit filed by my Uncle Emory. Uncle Emory's prize bull was missing from the section through which the railroad passed. Uncle Emory claimed that the bull must have been hit by the train, and wanted to be paid the fair value of the bull.

The case was scheduled to be tried before the justice of the peace in the back room of the general store.

As soon as the Uncle Emory showed up, the attorney for the railroad pulled him aside and tried to get him to settle out of court. The lawyer did his best selling job, and although Uncle Emory was hesitant the whole way, finally Uncle Emory agreed to take half of what he was asking.

After Uncle Emory had signed the release and took the check, the young lawyer couldn't resist gloating a little over his success, telling Uncle Emory, "You know, I hate to tell you this, old man, but I put one over on you in there. I couldn't have won the case. The engineer was asleep and the fireman was in the caboose when the train went through your ranch that morning. I didn't have one witness to put on the stand. I bluffed you!"

Uncle Emory replied, "Well, I'll tell you, young feller, I was a little worried about winning that case myself, because that darned bull came home this morning."

[DSL]

Q: Why couldn't the faucet be within 100 feet of the pasta bowl?
A: There was a restraining order.