Are we willing to settle for less - just because she happens to be trans?

[randolph]

The above comments are all well said. The desire for sex is relentless and fantasies augment it. Most of us do not have the wherewithal (financially or emotionally) to realize these fantasies. Is there an alternative? In my own case, I have found that Tantra meditation can enhance the fantasies to the point that they become very real as a sensual experience. Imagining a sexual activity becomes as real as the real thing. So I don't "need" the real thing. I can enjoy whats in my mind. Love is in the mind.

[Bionca]

Well.. there is some amount of "settling" in every relationship. We all have a perfect partner that exists in the yummy recesses of our minds and only there. So, really our perfect partner is a combination of fantasy and experience. Knowing what bits are crucial for a relationship and what can be negotiated will probably be the key to something special.

I also don't think it is unreasonable to have physical attributes that are important. People have physical attractions for a reason and to discount that as "shallow" or "vapid" isn't fair (not that I have seen this in the thread, but it could go that direction). That said, having a realistic expectation for how real people look without the benefit of perfect lighting, makeup, and photoshop will likely be a good idea.