Waiting for my dream girl

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Another “clickbait” article. This time about words and phrases from the 1980’s you should stop using. Except that most of them I don’t remember and others are from the 90’s and 2000’s. At least they could fucking get it right. You think?

My personal favorite, “Gag Me With A Spoon!” was singled out for especially harsh criticism. I use it all the time as a joke and sadly it is still appropriate for many things today. I’m surprised “Awesome” didn’t make their list. Maybe because everybody, even Grandma and Grandpa, still uses it.

But I was puzzled by their example of an “80’s geek.” She looks like she was born in the mid-nineties. Not the 80’s. Anyway, as far as I’m concerned my “future wife” can say whatever she wants. “Like, totally…”

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From the Daily Mail (so you know it must be true).

'He is the love of my life': Woman, 20, reveals she has 'married' a ZOMBIE DOLL that she got when she was 13 - as she details how she and the figurine even 'consummated' the union.

Felicity married her zombie doll, on September 15, 2018.

The ceremony, which took place in Tiverton, Rhode Island, cost her $500.

Her father bought the doll for her when she was 13 years old.

Felicity's doll was purchased online on a 'creepy' doll collection website. (Me: Never would have guessed. ).

The Massachusetts-native claims that the zombie doll is now 37 years old (Me: Shhh… Don’t tell everyone. I still list my age as "29." Thanks a lot. ).

The pair share intimate moments, according to Felicity, who says the doll is the ‘love of her life’. (Me: Well I guess if I can’t meet Dove Cameron… ).

(Thought that was a pretty good pic of me. I don't wear a suit that often. Photographer got my "good side." Probably get lots of dates now... But I don't think I look 6'4" in these pictures. Must be the camera. ).

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This "Zombie Doll" thing is even creepier than the "man marries anime character." And did they mean what I thought they meant by consummated?

Clothes make the man... This was a few years ago with my "ex." Used this pic on Tinder. Still don't understand why no one "swiped right."

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Angeles Cid.

One of my favorite photo sets. I always imagine this is back at my place, it's early morning and we have just spent the night together. She looks so beautiful.

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Descendants 3 was awesome. Watched it last Friday night with my nieces as planned. I gave it an “A” on a fan site later that evening. “Hades” does in fact turn out to be “Mal’s Dad.” He is, as played by Cheyenne Jackson one of my two favorite characters in the movie (the other is his daughter of course. ).

If they ever decide to do a 4th Descendants, they would make the most amazing Father/Daughter superhero combo ever. Either that or just have them join the cast of the “Avengers.”

So I’ve decided to go as Hades for Halloween (even though I’m still not old enough to be Dove’s dad ). The problem is getting a date. Dating my own “daughter” would be too weird (did I already say I’m not old enough to be her dad? Oh I did? Sorry… ) although my wife said she would go as “Mal” if I wanted. That might work. And our friends would probably think it was hilarious.

But of course, several months ago I already decided who I wanted to be my date for Halloween this year. She can be no one other than my friend Aleksandra from Russia who makes a very sexy yet bloody cosplay “Carrie.” I think the two of us would make a great couple. Especially with her riding on the back of my Harley looking like that.

We could always drop in on her prom later and "raise hell." Definitely would be a night to remember.

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“Over 50?” WTF? This is worse than “Born before 1987.” Why am I getting things from the AARP? I met her on "DateHookup.com." After dinner we went back to her place. She said she’d suck my dick if I signed my ZR-1 over to her. Guess I'll be taking Uber home tonight.

(No. He can't be "50." God I hope I die first. Looked it up. All I could find was "document." And of course the second picture. Maybe I should hang on to the ZR-1 a little longer? )

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Even after all these years I still workout regularly. I’m definitely of the “old school, no pain no gain” heavy weights and cardio method. Which for me now goes back almost 25 years. It worked well for me when I played football and it’s working well for me now as I continue through my 30’s.

I go to Anytime Fitness in Zionsville maybe 3x a week. I like to go late at night because I usually get the place to myself. Sometimes there’s a few other “night owls” who come in to do the treadmill or lift light weights. There are some “crossfitters” as well but they usually have scheduled times during the day.

Anyway the gym has flat screen TV’s all over. Usually playing ESPN, old movies, news, or replays of Colts games. Sometimes they play “infomercials.”

Last night they had an infomercial for something called “PiYo.” I had never heard of it before but its spokeswoman (and creator as I would later learn) was an incredibly fit very perky blonde. I’m not much into this stuff but she sure got my attention. She had an upbeat personality almost to the point where I could see how some might find it annoying but I really liked her positive attitude.

She clearly was not a “19 year old fitness model” (although I thought she looked great ) and that made me even more interested in her. I would have guessed she was at least my age or older.

I took some time out to watch the ad (OK, actually her…) then resumed my workout. When I got back home early this morning I looked up “PiYo.”

Her name is Chalene Johnson and she was born in 1969 which makes her 50. Damn. They should put her in those stupid “Born before 1985” ads instead of all those 80 year old men. Who knows, I might even join the “AARP.”

I learned more about PiYo but also learned that Chalene is married. But then so am I. Sigh…

Anyway here’s a few pictures of Chalene. Does PiYo work? Probably. Any exercise program will if you stick with it. But I was looking mostly at the last picture. I was thinking that I’d have to get underneath her to really find out. If she ever wants to visit Zionsville, it's a date.