Movies you can't stand

[shadows]

Originally Posted by Hourglass

Popular movies I can't stand. Good topic! Though this is going to get me hated, lol...
To keep it fair, I'll only include movies I've actually seen. Let's see...

1) A Christmas Story - holidays are coming and for some reason, people love this movie. Why they do continues to baffle me.
2) Fight Club - interesting premise, with perhaps the worst ending in the history of motion pictures.
3) The Matrix - the first one. I enjoyed the second and third, but the first one was like watching a documentary with the occasional stunt thrown in to keep people awake.
4) There's Something About Mary - was this supposed to be a comedy? If so, I'm missing something.


I'm sure I'll think of others. Will update when I do.

I really enjoy A Christmas Story. I think that one of the reasons (for me, anyways) is that it takes place at a different time, when people's attitudes regarding the holidays was different. Plus, it was a story about a family and not about a dog/kid/adult/man-formerly-without-a-heart saving Christmas(or the world!). A consider it a classic!

With regards to The Matrix, I enjoyed the first one a lot more than the second two. That is not to say that I did not find some enjoyment in them, but they came across as just being made for the sake of being made. Something that made sense by the end of the first movie got way too obfuscated by the end of the third. They do it all again? The cycle is broken? Huh? LOL!

And there seems to be a lot of hate for the Harry Potter movies. I guess I am one of the few here that seems to enjoy them. LOL! I enjoyed the books more, though. I liked the journey that Harry and his friends were on, and how the story got darker as they got older. I could also see how she grew as a writer as each book went along.

Of course, these are just my opinions. There is certainly nothing wrong with anyone not liking the aforementioned movies. Heck, there are probably some people out there that enjoyed the movie 'Abandon'.:D

[shadows]

Here are some movies that I cannot stand.

Darkness. This movie, which came out in 2002 and starred Anna Paquin, was one of the most idiotic movies I have ever seen. The whole premise behind the "evil" of the movie, not to mention the actions by the mother/daughter left me shaking my head. And the ending? Ugh.

Abandon. This gem stars Katie Holmes(sorry Tom, but I'm not calling her Kate!) and Benjamin Bratt. This movie also came out in 2002. I actually prefer Darkness over this one. I can say, without a shadow of a doubt, that this is my most hated movie of ALL time. If I can, I try to dissuade people from having to watch this crappy-ass movie!

The Unborn. This movie came out this year. The main problem with this movie is that it takes every horror movie cliche and places it haphazardly in! While not a true pile of garbage, the movie was not scary at all as you knew where every "scare" was going to come from before it was even on the screen!

Out of the three, I would say to avoid watching Abandon the most.

I am sure I will find more movies later, but I had to get those ones off my chest first.:D

[alphanumeric]

God lord. We've come this far and yet nobody has mentioned the "Movie" Parody franchise? Those bastards must Die!!!

But singularly I would have to say Uwe Bolls "Alone in the Dark." I rented it on the premise that his work couldn't be as bad as everyone said.

Oh the horror of my mistake!!! It was the first time that a Movie really negatively upset me. The clerk was willing to refund me when he heard my tale of woe, But I told him some lesson's have to painful in order to truly learn something from them

I just IMDB'd Uwe for the title of the movie (I try NOT to remember anything about it!) And have discovered he actually made a fucking sequel!!!

There are people starving and that POS gets enough money together to make a sequel? There truly is no god...

[shadows]

Originally Posted by alphanumeric

God lord. We've come this far and yet nobody has mentioned the "Movie" Parody franchise? Those bastards must Die!!!

But singularly I would have to say Uwe Bolls "Alone in the Dark." I rented it on the premise that his work couldn't be as bad as everyone said.

Oh the horror of my mistake!!! It was the first time that a Movie really negatively upset me. The clerk was willing to refund me when he heard my tale of woe, But I told him some lesson's have to painful in order to truly learn something from them

I just IMDB'd Uwe for the title of the movie (I try NOT to remember anything about it!) And have discovered he actually made a fucking sequel!!!

There are people starving and that POS gets enough money together to make a sequel? There truly is no god...

Alpha, if you are talking about the Scary Movie series, I believe it was mentioned a few posts above(John mentioned it, I think).

Uwe Boll deserves to get locked away for the crap that he makes. A good movie premise can be turned to shit whenever he gets his "magic" touch on them. Perhaps he can be tied to a chair and forced to watch his crappy-ass movies for the rest of his life? Fair punishment I would say.

[alphanumeric]

Originally Posted by shadows

Alpha, if you are talking about the Scary Movie series, I believe it was mentioned a few posts above(John mentioned it, I think).

Uwe Boll deserves to get locked away for the crap that he makes. A good movie premise can be turned to shit whenever he gets his "magic" touch on them. Perhaps he can be tied to a chair and forced to watch his crappy-ass movies for the rest of his life? Fair punishment I would say.

No I'm talking about the "superhero", "Date", and "meet the spartans."

Those POS'

The scary movie franchise is actually done by different folks. Who are just a little bit smarter than the other guys. enough so that it's the other guys who earn my wrath.

[shadows]

Originally Posted by alphanumeric

No I'm talking about the "superhero", "Date", and "meet the spartans."

Those POS'

The scary movie franchise is actually done by different folks. Who are just a little bit smarter than the other guys. enough so that it's the other guys who earn my wrath.

I see. Yes, I have had the misfortune to see Date Movie. The spoof on Napoleon Dynamite at the beginning was the only part of the movie I enjoyed. A shame, as I am a big Alyson Hannigan fan.

I don't have any desire to see either the Spartan or Superhero ones either. From what you have said, I am saving myself some heartburn.

[Tbone]

Originally Posted by alphanumeric

No I'm talking about the "superhero", "Date", and "meet the spartans."

Those POS'

The scary movie franchise is actually done by different folks. Who are just a little bit smarter than the other guys. enough so that it's the other guys who earn my wrath.

Meet the Spartans was so bad I tried my hardest to forget I'd ever seen it. But to think someone gave them $20M to make another movie, scary.

[alphanumeric]

Okay folks, I have a new one. It's called "Wrong Turn 2: Wrong Turnier.

Okay, it's not called that but it should have been. I watched the first one and while it was a mostly forgettable piece of tripe starring Eliza Dushku, It was a fucking masterpiece compared to this piece of crap.

Do you want to know how bad this movie is?

One of the stars of the movie actually chose "Texas Battle" As his stage name.

I'm.

Not.

Joking.

It's one of the first things you see in the credits, and for a moment you think the title of the movie is Wrong Turn 2: Dead End: Texas Battle. And just for a second you think that your going to witness the showdown of a group of people VS the next generation of the Texas Chainsaw Massacre Family. Sadly that would have been much more interesting than what we actually got.

The premise of the movie is that a sad sack of contestants and producers are trying to successfully stage a survivor rip off reality show called "Apocalypse Survivor" where instead of trying to survive in a beautiful lush tropical paradise, they're supposedly in a post apocalyptic nightmare scenario.

Everybody in this thing (and I mean EVERYBODY) is completely forgettable.

Except for one man. For one man alone you should watch this (But don't EVER pay to see it, what you should do is go over to somebody's house you don't like and make them pay to rent it. I guarantee after the movie they'll ask you why you made them watch it, and you can truthfully reply "Cuz I don't like you.

BURN! But I digress.)

That man is Henry "Muthafuckin" Rollins. Everybody really just showed up for the paycheck and you can tell that with the performances.

Except for Rollins. Rollins chews the scenery with complete and august abandon. He goes all out in this film and is the only thing worth watching.

And I suspect that in Rollins mind, he was in a completely different movie. Everybody else was in "Wrong Turn 2."

Rollins was in the sequel to "The Predator" and "Commando" And I firmly believe that he completely thought that he was the Fucking Star of this movie. (Which in a sense he was, since he was the biggest name in the thing.)

Everything about this film just screams "Filmed on a budget of a buck-ninety-five" It was filmed in Canada, much to my dismay. and it was shot on video. Now there is no way to make a forest look scary in high def video. Video is just too crisp to make a forest scary. And Canadian forests are ALL beautiful. No exceptions. So that's out the window.

Plus this thing was directed by Joe lynch. This was his directorial debut, And boy, can you tell. I mean the only credit he has before this is as a FUCKING GRIP on a 1999 movie called "Terror Firmer"

But you can still have a good time with a bad movie of this genre, if they try to do something original and scary with the kills. But ol' joe just racked em up with no tension. And they are so fake looking as to be horrendously funny. I mean the first one is of a blonde airhead reality show actress who is chopped in half by an axe. and her plastic body and plastic intestines (Funny how no other organs fell out of the bisected body cavity.)Fall to the ground and bounce in that "Hey this is actually a plastic body prop" sorta way. And then the two halves of the oh so funny plastic body is dragged off in full frame.

But Ol' Joe got his moneys worth with the intestines as they are prominently shown four more times.

Hi-fuckin-larious!

But you do get to see some average boobies As is the de regeure for films like these.

There is one shot in the film where you tell that 99% of the budget was spent on. It's a double shot kill, And the CGI house in charge of special effects tried, but there's not much you can do for $1.50.

So basically unless you can trick someone you don't like or perhaps you want to have a "See who breaks first" movie marathon of one film. Just stay away from this piece of tripe.

You have been warned.