Feared or Respected?

[SandraB]

Originally Posted by johndowe

Hi there.

Sandra, after pondering and re-reading your story, i am still not convinced about your claim to be an alpha male, no, not because of your travestism but hey, i intimidated those 4 guys alone and by myself and i intimedated guys that touted themselves as un-intimidatable, so i could say that i am an alpha male, even if i can't psychickly establish dominance, it doesn't make it so.

And then you say you don't want to talk about it, i don't think so, you knew your story was at least a bit hard to believe, and you want us to take it at face value? No questions asked, no i think you OWE us a little bit more than that, if you didn't want to talk about it, why did you post it?

I AM awaiting your reply.

JohnDowe.

Hi all.

When i said i didn't want to talk about it too much, i meant that i can't come here very often, that's all.

And the reason i joinned and posted was because of what i saw.

And what was that you say?

I read many if not most of your posts John, or Peter, and as far as i am conserned you ARE an ALPHA male, you speak your mind, and you defend yourself and others, you started theads to help others that are in a different situation you are in, sometimes when you post you seem agressive even if you don't mean to, it is your nature to be outspoken, and some don't understand and label you as harsh or a "pompous ass" because of it, and as i noticed you don't realy care about labels anyway all ALPHA male caracteristics.

Also, i think AW9725, Andy, could also be an ALPHA male, but i'm not realy sure, i will follow your posts and see...

Sandra.

[johndowe]

Hi there.

Hey, I'M an ALPHA MALE, YAY!

Ok, no more jokes, but what does it change in my life anyway?

But i suppose the question should be what should i do with that information?

Well, the best thing to do with it is for me to take note of it and go on with my life as if nothing happened.


JohnDowe.

[johndowe]

Hi there.

Respect in the workplace.

The workplace is a complex place and it follows rigid rules, and those who are in positions of power don't always belong there, same as politics, if you WANT to be in power, it doesn't mean you belong there, and in fact many who are do not deserve or belong there, also many people confuse authority and respect, if they are not good bosses the employees may respect the position but not the man holding the position, they do what they are told because they are paid to do the work, these bad bosses often mis-use their "authority" and confuse the fear of dismissal as respect which it obviously isn't, these individuals strive for those positions of power because they crave acceptance and respect that thy never got from their parents or freinds etc. and they invariably confuse fear of dismissal with respect and they behave like tirants, to get the respect they never got in their youth and of course they fail, and i the end they always feel an emptyness that they canot fill, because they were dis-respected in the most importand parts of their lives, their youth, and they have all these delusions about power and respect, and until these selusions are dispelled, they will never be "healed" and will continue to be tirants, and hated by their subordinates.

There are also those who do not seek power but when they get into positions of power, they do not handle it well, their co workers will often say: "He was a good guy before, but now he's such an asshole." These guys also have unresolved issues and try to work them out in their new position of power, to all their subordinates dismay, they want respect of course, but think they "deserve" more respect and their subordinates deserve less than before, but they are obviously wrong, but in their minds they are right and everybody else's opinion doesn't count.

The only way to get to these bad bosses is to get them to see the error of their ways, which is an arduous task in itself, and made harder by the fact that all employees are paid to work and not to psycho analyse eachother, but there are ways to deal with bad bosses, without getting fired.

I myself, have always got the respect from most of my bosses except my first ones, and i would never let them get away with being rude or disrespectful to me, and without getting into a shouting mach, sometimes a look can convey more "power" than a big arguement, and so can a well placed sarcastic responce.

These bad bosses are not realy to be hated, but pitied, because they are behaving that way because they have unresolved issues and they try to compensate through their work, and of course they won't since they aren't aware of their "problem" and you canot fix something that you don't know needs repair, and if someone does break through their shell, they may become less tyranic but old habbits die hard.


JohnDowe.

[johndowe]

Hi there.

On the flip side, there are good bosses, apparently not many but there are some, those who can handle the power and not abbuse it, who know when to crack the whip and whan to let things slide, but the boss isn't always the one at fault, he does have responsabilities and the work HAS to be done and on time, and not every employee is the perfect worker, and the boss HAS to use his power to get things done, but some employees try to get a free pass from a newly promoted boss, and force the new boss to flex some of that new authority, and as everybody (should) know, it takes 2 to tango, and things escalate, and power is addictive and can degenerate into an hostile working environement, the employee tried to dis-respecct the new boss, the new boss tried to correct the situation, but not everybody knows how to deal with all kinds of people, some are nice and easy to deal with, but there are some people who are well, assholes and do not respect anybody (including themselves) and will at least contribute to the creation of hostile working conditions, and again it boils down to respect, or the lack there of.

If the newly appointed boss is a newer employee, other older employees may take offence at the "new" guy being chosen over them, weather or not they deserved to be promoted, instead of respecting the bosses choice.

Because in general, we value ourselves more than we are really worth, and value others less than they are worth, and we may believe we would do a better job than the new boss, but if that were so and the boss knew it wouldn't he have promoted you instead?

All in all, one should respect all others and accept what they can't change and make the best of things instead of creating problems, because let's face it there are enough problematic things in this world without everybody creating more.


JohnDowe.

[alphanumeric]

Respect is better because you have earned it. Nobody but you can take it away.

Fear is derived from pain. Being feared means having to constantly prove your the top dog, and there's ALWAYS someone bigger and badder than you.

I've had people get in my face and disrespect me, but they're usually people whom I have no respect for anyways so their opinions of me and mine don't count.

That's how I see it anyways.

[johndowe]

Originally Posted by alphanumeric

Respect is better because you have earned it. Nobody but you can take it away.

Fear is derived from pain. Being feared means having to constantly prove your the top dog, and there's ALWAYS someone bigger and badder than you.

I've had people get in my face and disrespect me, but they're usually people whom I have no respect for anyways so their opinions of me and mine don't count.

That's how I see it anyways.

Hi there.

I agree, and as i stated in this thread, when you (generic) dis-respect someone (through fear or any other means) you dis-respect yourself.

JohnDowe.