Is there a sequence of events that you believe lead to your current sexual desires

[kitty cox]

Please share any experience you had in your early years that took you down the path of loving or wanting to be a TGirl, Ladyboy, Pantyboy, Crossdresser, Femboy

[barry]

first off i want to thank you for putting yourself out there. as you stated - it can be difficult to talk about

of my many situations one stands out the most would be when i was around 10. not old enough to know better. this older kid (probably around 17 or 18) down the street would come up and hang out with my brother and i. well eventually he cornered me and i dont know how but we got to talking about penises and errections and that it was normal. he asked if i had seen another errection before and i told him no. so he pulls out his dick witch i recall being quick thick and large. it was semi errect and he started to touch himself. he told me it was ok that i touched it and so i did. i grabbed it like it was a summer sausage wrapping my fingers around the girth of his cock. he seemed to like this.

most times it took place in our play house. we had a club house out behind the fence and we would go out there and play together. i was a very horny child and it was reciprocated so i didnt realize the seriousness of my actions. he said to pretend i was his girlfriend and i would play with his dick and suck on his balls and give him blowjobs (even though i didnt know thats what i was doing) and as i said he would return the favor to my tiny little dick and it felt nice. this continued for quite some time until one day it was too hot of a summer day to "play" in the clubhouse.

so we wandered inside to the basement where our pants eventually came off. the sound of the door handle turning brought me back to reality as i knew perhaps i would be in trouble but not exactly what for. my mom opens the door to find her son and this young man with their pants over their crotches sitting on the floor in the dark of the basement. she told him to go home immediately and i was sent upstairs to talk to her about what had happened.

i told her how it had been ongoing and that i was just pretending to be his girlfriend. it came out of my mouth like i was justifying it. my mother then explained to me that this sort of behavior was not right and that it must stop. i was pretty confused. so i went back to humping my bed until i found someone else as sexually charged as i.

to this day i dont know why she didnt persue criminal charges. perhaps to save me from the horror that would follow, i suppose i will never know.

[kitty cox]

Berry I cannot thank you enough for sharing this most intimate part of your life with all of us. By sharing with each other (in a safe place) Pretty much in trusted secret, in this open form, these early events, that occurred in our lives, that had to of influenced our sexual orientation, we can draw a better collective understanding of ourselves, each time someone is brave enough to share a story of a pivotal moment in their early sexual development, we have another piece of the puzzle. I see you put the word ashamed; ashamed is a very powerful emotion, Berry, do you know that for either good or for bad emotions are the energy that is the primary driving force for change. Think about it for a minute if you get robed and beaten on a walk to the store one night, you will experience fear, from that fear, you will alter your life, to prevent that from ever happening to you again and the driving forced behind the altering of your life is the emotion fear, emotions are one of the most powerful forces in our life. Your experience with the older boy had an impact on your sexual development; can you share what you think that was? Furthermore, did this have a domino effect or a branching out effect in one direction or another? Thank you again for being so open about your experience. May I tell you about a true story one night a friend of mine asked me to drive him to his Alcohols anonymous meeting, and I did , I had some errands to run and I told him I would pick him up after the meeting, when he got in the car he started telling me about this man that told this story about how he was all trying to get sober an everything and when he returned hone early last night, he found a trusted friend screwing his ten year old son in the ass. Furthermore, this trusted friend had been watching his son on and off for a long time. then he said we have to get him checked out for STD's Then he kept saying and they expect me to stay sober, I don't need this shit. I trust he used that excuse to go out and drink that night all that I kept thinking was that the poor child was being outed to probably every body his father knew, and I know that along with the sex act itself the outing by his father, changed that Childs life from that point onwards. and it branched out from there I know we seek out repeating our strongest and earliest sexual experiences. My first experiences were with girls and boys, but we were within months of each other in terms of age that's why I believe that I am trying to put all of them together my key elements are, firstly, they are both male and female , thus I like TGirls but secondly there was the very early experience of being punished by being forced to wear girls panties this early experience introduced humiliation, forced transvestitism by females, and a fetish for panty punishment, there will be new posts that will explain why I have a bent more towards femmboys with small breasts so please come back and see that I have traced back all of my proclivities. Now I would like to extend a warm thank you to sissyneha Let me just say I am very grateful to you as well for sharing the reason that I have not replied to you yet is because you talked about your little breast buds and I needed to do two or maybe three more posts before I told my story about my experience with breast buds and my research into the commonality of the phenomenon .

Don't you think you should earn your panty privileges ?

[kitty cox]

Your vivid account of your child hood and the bond that you had with your sisters reminds me of the connectedness I had with the three little playmates that I had up until the age of ten we played with dolls and played house and the girls let me wear their things when we played dress up, truth is I cannot remember if it was after I was punished by being made to ware Ann Marries panties or after, that I started asking the three girls if I could see their panties and then asked if I could wear their panties all I remember was that I wanted to be like them, I loved their cute bottoms and soft skin. I would ask them to slide under the bed and pull down their pants, so I could see their pretty bottom, they would always want me to pull my pants down to, and they would say that I had a cute but to. issyneha you spoke about breast buds and what most people do not know is that this is more common than generally know, but if you factor in that both of us had girls to play with when we were young and we played dress up in their clothes (and remember how accommodating they were with the whole acting like a girl with them and wearing their clothes, there was no condemnation) the only time I remember Ann Marie protesting me wearing her panties was when her mother was punishing me, but this must have been for her mothers benefit because she never protested when it was just me and one ,two or all three of the other girls were around : but like you, I got side tract back to the breast buds with our history and add to that actually beginning the process of the breast development. How could we of turned out any differently? Anyway here are my memories of my breast buds.
When I turned fourteen three things happened to me that I am sure had a part in forming my desires the first was that while going through adolescents I started forming breast buds (for you who are unaware of what breast buds are) it is what happens when a young female begins the process of developing and forming her breast. They are little buds or bumps that form in a circular pattern under the nipple; first one then another and another until the nipple becomes tender and starts to swell and her breast's begin to form and protrude away from the chest wall. At some point my mothered noticed what was happening and asked me what is this? She started her digital probing to confirming her suspicions.
I forget all that happened but I know that I herd my mother say that I was forming female breast buds. She sent me to see our Doctor and I went through the humiliation of his digital probing and confirming that I was indeed forming breast buds. He told me not to worry that it would go away in time. I did not believe him so I asked my mother what was happening to me and she just repeated what the Doctor said I thought both of them were lying to me and what they really meant was they hoped it would go away. Many years later I learned that it's not all that uncommon for some boys to go through this and that most of the time the process stops before the process developes anything more then puffy nipples, but there are varying degrees of this and only in rare circumstances that enough of the hormones are present to form a true female breast. But that did not help me back then I was struggling with my sexual identity and this did not help I had strong heterosexual, homosexual and bisexual desires along with racing adolescent hormones.

Please see my last post of October 4th 09 Where I explain where I believe their were many thing that reinforced my strong desire for a very feminine looking boygirl with little developing breast with puffy nipples that turns my fire up like nothing else. please post the things that you remember from an early age that feed your desire for these beauties and please keep the pictures coming they are so cute you have made my panties wet again! I was thinking of starting a new post asking members if they love tranny pantied cock as much as I do. I simply lone seeing a laydyboy's bulging panty covered cock then followed with pictures of their little hard candy sneaking out the waistband

[sissyneha]

Originally Posted by kitty cox

Your vivid account of your child hood and the bond that you had with your sisters reminds me of the connectedness I had with the three little playmates that I had up until the age of ten we played with dolls and played house and the girls let me wear their things when we played dress up, truth is I cannot remember if it was after I was punished by being made to ware Ann Marries panties or after, that I started asking the three girls if I could see their panties and then asked if I could wear their panties all I remember was that I wanted to be like them, I loved their cute bottoms and soft skin. I would ask them to slide under the bed and pull down their pants, so I could see their pretty bottom, they would always want me to pull my pants down to, and they would say that I had a cute but to. issyneha you spoke about breast buds and what most people do not know is that this is more common than generally know, but if you factor in that both of us had girls to play with when we were young and we played dress up in their clothes (and remember how accommodating they were with the whole acting like a girl with them and wearing their clothes, there was no condemnation) the only time I remember Ann Marie protesting me wearing her panties was when her mother was punishing me, but this must have been for her mothers benefit because she never protested when it was just me and one ,two or all three of the other girls were around : but like you, I got side tract back to the breast buds with our history and add to that actually beginning the process of the breast development. How could we of turned out any differently? Anyway here are my memories of my breast buds.
When I turned fourteen three things happened to me that I am sure had a part in forming my desires the first was that while going through adolescents I started forming breast buds (for you who are unaware of what breast buds are) it is what happens when a young female begins the process of developing and forming her breast. They are little buds or bumps that form in a circular pattern under the nipple; first one then another and another until the nipple becomes tender and starts to swell and her breast's begin to form and protrude away from the chest wall. At some point my mothered noticed what was happening and asked me what is this? She started her digital probing to confirming her suspicions.
I forget all that happened but I know that I herd my mother say that I was forming female breast buds. She sent me to see our Doctor and I went through the humiliation of his digital probing and confirming that I was indeed forming breast buds. He told me not to worry that it would go away in time. I did not believe him so I asked my mother what was happening to me and she just repeated what the Doctor said I thought both of them were lying to me and what they really meant was they hoped it would go away. Many years later I learned that it's not all that uncommon for some boys to go through this and that most of the time the process stops before the process developes anything more then puffy nipples, but there are varying degrees of this and only in rare circumstances that enough of the hormones are present to form a true female breast. But that did not help me back then I was struggling with my sexual identity and this did not help I had strong heterosexual, homosexual and bisexual desires along with racing adolescent hormones.

Please see my last post of October 4th 09 Where I explain where I believe their were many thing that reinforced my strong desire for a very feminine looking boygirl with little developing breast with puffy nipples that turns my fire up like nothing else. please post the things that you remember from an early age that feed your desire for these beauties and please keep the pictures coming they are so cute you have made my panties wet again! I was thinking of starting a new post asking members if they love tranny pantied cock as much as I do. I simply lone seeing a laydyboy's bulging panty covered cock then followed with pictures of their little hard candy sneaking out the waistband

how i wish those natural breasts that started growing (....i don't know whether they wud hav grown to breasts or not) wud not have been manipulated with....though i now have pert boobs but they still cant replace wat nature had in store for me...(i dunno whether i'm right or not but its the way i feel)

[sissyneha]

hope u like them

[Naked Freedom]

nice pics sissyneha....
well as to the topic of the thread....
i had shared some of my experiences on this thread ....
http://forum.transladyboy.com/showthread.php?t=5047

[barry]

Originally Posted by kitty cox

Your experience with the older boy had an impact on your sexual development; can you share what you think that was? Furthermore, did this have a domino effect or a branching out effect in one direction or another?

i cant really think of anything other than a fascination with sex in general. particularly the male since i didnt know right or wrong (as society deems). so like you with racing hormones i simply endulged in what felt good.

for some reason....and i hope you guys can back me up on this, but it seems like people like us seem to portray an aura - perhaps a sent or something that others like us pick up on. did it have a domino effect? yes, there were incidents during school (reading time under the table with another boy) and in camping with another boy in scouts. its not that i desired boys but they seemed to understand me better and they wanted what i wanted. it was just easier. and it seemed like they were able to find me pretty easilly.

it sort of came to an end when one of my playmates told me he wasnt gay but that he was just really horny and since neither of us had girlfriends we would just help each other out. i felt like it was more than that. at times i still think about him and the playing we did.

i suppose this is where my fascination with tgirls comes from. they are boys but they are girls. so its the best of both worlds. i suppose there is a bunch of fucked up shit going on inside my head. truth is i have tried to forget these memories and pretend they didnt happen for so many years i thought i was almost over them and now and then they come rushing back to me. i suppose i still dont know who or what i want. i dont understand my fascination with panties either. i just like weird stuff i suppose. i know its deeper than that and thats the point of this thread. as i said, i just burried a lot of these emotions for many many years.

great thread by the way - thank you