Feared or Respected?

[SandraB]

Hi all, Sandra here.

About those wolves, they are social animals and their society is similar to how we were several thousands of years ago, but we have evolves a lot since then, the IQ of the smartest bread of dogs is about 30, while the average human's is at least 120, it doesn’t compare, but the need for leadership and respect of the leader was the same.

The leader had to be the smartest and the strongest as to be the most effective leader and breathing stock, and we call the leader the ALPHA wolf, but I believe that the ALPHA wolf as he is called, is the ALPHA wolf because he is the leader but he is the leader because he is an ALPHA wolf from birth and assumed leadership when he was ready, why is it that in a litter of 8 wolf puppies only 1 would challenge the leader of the pack and the other 2 or 3 males just follow whichever male is the leader?

Because he is an alpha male to begin with and as such it is in his genetic makeup to lead, his superior strength and tactical sense make him a natural choice for a leader and somehow he is aware of this and will challenge the current leader whom is probably also an alpha male, the strongest and keenest will win out and be the leader, nature wants no less than the best.

But we humans have evolved socially to live in big cities, with millions of people, the need for leaders is still there but, it is different, the leaders of today aren't chosen for their strength or tactical sense, today leaders of society are elected and the winner is the one that had the best campaign, not the smartest, not the wisest but the one with the most money, and we wonder why the world is in such turmoil? Also, often the one running in the election is just a figurehead, and the ones that sponsored his campaign are the ones that rule, scary.

We have evolved socially and physically, but we are still part of nature, weather or not we believe this, and we are still bound by its laws, and as such there are also human ALPHA males and females born all the time, but since our lifespan is longer and our tribes were bigger fewer alphas were required and were subsequently born, and they as alphas would be stronger and smarter than non alphas, to be better leaders, but in this society of ours, true leaders alphas are often not interested in politics because of the corruption and the stupidity of it, preferring to be local leaders helping on a smaller scale, and doing more good that way.

Alphas are not likely to be criminals, their leadership skills and strengths are usually coupled with a keen sense of right and wrong making them devote their lives to helping others and organizing help programs for those in need, they are the ones that never quit, that do the right thing irregardless of what others may think, and often don't even know they are natural leaders, because they are too busy leading and helping others, but they also have a private life, like everybody else.


All this to introduce an interesting story about respect and leadership.


There are parts that are a bit hard to explain but will become clearer as you read the story.


Not too long ago I was on employment insurance and was looking for work, but in the mean time I was helping in a local charity who helped black women, I am a white male, but they needed "muscles" and I was willing to help so the I was "hired" and as I was working I saw this cute black girl, she was about 25yo, and I was 40, but I got a different vibe from her than I usually get from others, and since I had to go to the office once in a while I knew I would meet her in the near future, that evening, the boss lady told me to come in earlier the next morning.

The next morning she was late, but I met the girl, I got her name, and I sat down since she was on the phone with one of her friends, then another woman that worked there who was about 30 came in and started to give her shit about some work related problem she had with her, she kept talking on the phone as if she wasn't even there, and looked at her and gave her a "stop making noise" look, the woman was even more annoyed with her but didn't do anything and went to her desk grumbling, and the boss arrived and I got my orders and left, because of that vibe I got from her and the way she handled her co-worker, I knew she was an alpha female.

I did my work and when I was finished I had to report to the boss, and she was the receptionist, so I put my hands on her desk and get a bit too close to her and I started to chat her up, I was intentionally making her feel a bit uncomfortable without being rude, then she did something that confirmed to me that she was indeed an alpha, she tried to establish dominance in a non verbal way, which I saw and let slide, as I went to talk to the boss, and left since my work for the day was done.

I was only working part time there and only went back a few days later, and when I was finished I had to see the boss, but again I intentionally got a bit too close to the receptionist for her to be comfortable, she was surprised since she had established dominance before, but she did it again and I let it slide again, and told the boss the job was done and left.

The next day I worked and the job was done, I went to the office and sat on the receptionist's desk kind of like her boyfriend would or someone who knew her well, and I spoke to her about the weather and other mundane things, I was again intentionally making her feel uncomfortable without being rude, again she tried to establish dominance but this time I blocked it, she knew something happened but she didn't know what, and I saw the boss telling her the job was done and I left.

The next time I worked there she had to come see me and I intercepted her before she got to my workspace and I told her I spoke to god and he told me she was a bad girl, she got it that I wasn't totally serious but still not totally joking either, she told me she had to talk to me and I told her that I’d be with her as soon as I finished what I was doing, when I got to my workstation, I got in her face and told her she had been bad she denied, but I insisted, and she pulled away but I stayed in her face and she again tried to establish dominance to prevent me from being able to continue my verbal assault upon her, which she didn't know how I knew she had been bad, but this time she did it with a vengeance and had she succeeded I would not have been able to be as mean to her as I had, but I blocked it again and reversed it but I wasn't kind, I gave no room to defend against any of my attacks, so I continued to get in her face in front of all the other workers, and all she did was to raise her open fists in a mock defense effectively giving up the fight, she knew I won, and looked down, the other workers were all staring, and I looked at then and they all went back to work, as if nothing happened, I never got any feedback from that incident and none of the other workers treated me any different than before.

Later that day, when I was going to tell the boss I was finished I saw the receptionist and she greeted me with a smile then with some open fists, then a smile, she didn't know how to deal with me, which was what I was expecting, I told the boss I was leaving and told the receptionist to get her things and follow me, which she did, I took her to an empty conference room and talked to her about why I had done what I did.

I told her she was an ALPHA female and as such she would easily establish dominance with almost everybody females, and males, the only ones that would give her trouble would be other alpha females, she would thump everybody else, she seemed confused as I had thumped her and so easily, I told her that as an alpha female the only one who would always trump her was an ALPHA male, and I told her the reason I was in her face was because she abused her privileges, she agreed and we left together, she had a boyfriend and they got married a few months later.

The establishing of dominance I spoke about is a psychic attack of sorts that anyone can do, theoretically, but to my experience only alphas actually do it, I have done it and I stopped because I deemed it unnecessary, but I still can do it and defend against it, and the receptionist did it instinctively while I did it consciously, to my knowledge psychology is still in the dark about all of this, this is what was I stated I was researching in my last post.

Alphas are rarely the bad guys; they are the community leaders, the ones who help others not the ones who victimize others.


If you don't agree or something, I don't really want to discuss this too much, and the ensueing discussion will likely be off subject anyway.

Sandra.

[johndowe]

Hi there.

Sandra, this is quite an interesting story, i don't know how to take it at the moment, but i was thinking about respect, fear and leadership but you kinda beat me to it.

JohnDowe.

[johndowe]

Hi there.

Sandra, after pondering and re-reading your story, i am still not convinced about your claim to be an alpha male, no, not because of your travestism but hey, i intimidated those 4 guys alone and by myself and i intimedated guys that touted themselves as un-intimidatable, so i could say that i am an alpha male, even if i can't psychickly establish dominance, it doesn't make it so.

And then you say you don't want to talk about it, i don't think so, you knew your story was at least a bit hard to believe, and you want us to take it at face value? No questions asked, no i think you OWE us a little bit more than that, if you didn't want to talk about it, why did you post it?

I AM awaiting your reply.


JohnDowe.

[SandraB]

Originally Posted by johndowe

Hi there.

Sandra, after pondering and re-reading your story, i am still not convinced about your claim to be an alpha male, no, not because of your travestism but hey, i intimidated those 4 guys alone and by myself and i intimedated guys that touted themselves as un-intimidatable, so i could say that i am an alpha male, even if i can't psychickly establish dominance, it doesn't make it so.

And then you say you don't want to talk about it, i don't think so, you knew your story was at least a bit hard to believe, and you want us to take it at face value? No questions asked, no i think you OWE us a little bit more than that, if you didn't want to talk about it, why did you post it?

I AM awaiting your reply.

JohnDowe.

Hi all.

When i said i didn't want to talk about it too much, i meant that i can't come here very often, that's all.

And the reason i joinned and posted was because of what i saw.

And what was that you say?

I read many if not most of your posts John, or Peter, and as far as i am conserned you ARE an ALPHA male, you speak your mind, and you defend yourself and others, you started theads to help others that are in a different situation you are in, sometimes when you post you seem agressive even if you don't mean to, it is your nature to be outspoken, and some don't understand and label you as harsh or a "pompous ass" because of it, and as i noticed you don't realy care about labels anyway all ALPHA male caracteristics.

Also, i think AW9725, Andy, could also be an ALPHA male, but i'm not realy sure, i will follow your posts and see...

Sandra.

[johndowe]

Hi there.

Hey, I'M an ALPHA MALE, YAY!

Ok, no more jokes, but what does it change in my life anyway?

But i suppose the question should be what should i do with that information?

Well, the best thing to do with it is for me to take note of it and go on with my life as if nothing happened.


JohnDowe.

[johndowe]

Hi there.

Respect in the workplace.

The workplace is a complex place and it follows rigid rules, and those who are in positions of power don't always belong there, same as politics, if you WANT to be in power, it doesn't mean you belong there, and in fact many who are do not deserve or belong there, also many people confuse authority and respect, if they are not good bosses the employees may respect the position but not the man holding the position, they do what they are told because they are paid to do the work, these bad bosses often mis-use their "authority" and confuse the fear of dismissal as respect which it obviously isn't, these individuals strive for those positions of power because they crave acceptance and respect that thy never got from their parents or freinds etc. and they invariably confuse fear of dismissal with respect and they behave like tirants, to get the respect they never got in their youth and of course they fail, and i the end they always feel an emptyness that they canot fill, because they were dis-respected in the most importand parts of their lives, their youth, and they have all these delusions about power and respect, and until these selusions are dispelled, they will never be "healed" and will continue to be tirants, and hated by their subordinates.

There are also those who do not seek power but when they get into positions of power, they do not handle it well, their co workers will often say: "He was a good guy before, but now he's such an asshole." These guys also have unresolved issues and try to work them out in their new position of power, to all their subordinates dismay, they want respect of course, but think they "deserve" more respect and their subordinates deserve less than before, but they are obviously wrong, but in their minds they are right and everybody else's opinion doesn't count.

The only way to get to these bad bosses is to get them to see the error of their ways, which is an arduous task in itself, and made harder by the fact that all employees are paid to work and not to psycho analyse eachother, but there are ways to deal with bad bosses, without getting fired.

I myself, have always got the respect from most of my bosses except my first ones, and i would never let them get away with being rude or disrespectful to me, and without getting into a shouting mach, sometimes a look can convey more "power" than a big arguement, and so can a well placed sarcastic responce.

These bad bosses are not realy to be hated, but pitied, because they are behaving that way because they have unresolved issues and they try to compensate through their work, and of course they won't since they aren't aware of their "problem" and you canot fix something that you don't know needs repair, and if someone does break through their shell, they may become less tyranic but old habbits die hard.


JohnDowe.

[johndowe]

Hi there.

On the flip side, there are good bosses, apparently not many but there are some, those who can handle the power and not abbuse it, who know when to crack the whip and whan to let things slide, but the boss isn't always the one at fault, he does have responsabilities and the work HAS to be done and on time, and not every employee is the perfect worker, and the boss HAS to use his power to get things done, but some employees try to get a free pass from a newly promoted boss, and force the new boss to flex some of that new authority, and as everybody (should) know, it takes 2 to tango, and things escalate, and power is addictive and can degenerate into an hostile working environement, the employee tried to dis-respecct the new boss, the new boss tried to correct the situation, but not everybody knows how to deal with all kinds of people, some are nice and easy to deal with, but there are some people who are well, assholes and do not respect anybody (including themselves) and will at least contribute to the creation of hostile working conditions, and again it boils down to respect, or the lack there of.

If the newly appointed boss is a newer employee, other older employees may take offence at the "new" guy being chosen over them, weather or not they deserved to be promoted, instead of respecting the bosses choice.

Because in general, we value ourselves more than we are really worth, and value others less than they are worth, and we may believe we would do a better job than the new boss, but if that were so and the boss knew it wouldn't he have promoted you instead?

All in all, one should respect all others and accept what they can't change and make the best of things instead of creating problems, because let's face it there are enough problematic things in this world without everybody creating more.


JohnDowe.