funny joke!

[DSL]

The young Indian boy had spent most of his life in a quandry... He felt different yet... couldn't figure why... he was just so depressed. He went to the Chief for answers... He asked the chief how his brother Red Deer Running had gotten his name...

The chief answered in his typically poetic way..."When Red Deer Running was born, at the moment of his birth, the first thing his mother saw was a beautiful deer running off into the forest... and so Running Deer was named. It is the custom of our tribe to name the offspring according to the spirits in nature visiting upon the birth."

Then, the boy said to the Chief... And how did my sister "Thundering Bird" get her name? The chief described again, how at the moment of her birth Thundering Bird's mother had heard a roar of thunder and looking up, saw a bird flying in the sky...

The boy asked again, how his cousin "White Crouching Bear" had been given such a name... And the chief, looking down once more at the boy, explaining the traditions of their tribe.... White Bear's mother had seen a rare white bear crouched over a stream at the moment her baby's birth. Then he asked the boy...

"Why do you ask, Two Dogs Fucking?"

[DSL]

Aug. 12 Moved to our new home in Massachusetts. It is so beautiful here. The mountains are so majestic. Can hardly wait to see the snow covering them.

Oct. 14 Massachusetts is the most beautiful place on earth. The leaves have turned all colors and shades of red and orange. Went for a ride through the beautiful mountains and saw some deer. They are so graceful. Certainly they are the most wonderful animals on earth. This must be paradise! I love it here.

Nov. 11 Deer season will start soon. I can't imagine anyone wanting to kill such a gorgeous creature. Hope it will snow soon. I love it here.

Dec. 2 It snowed last night. Woke up to find everything blanketed with white. It looks like a postcard. We went outside and cleared the snow off the steps and shoveled the driveway. We had a snowball fight, I won. Than the snowplow came by. We had to shovel the driveway again. What a beautiful place! I love Massachusetts!!

Dec. 12 More snow last night. I love it. The snowplow did it's trick again to the driveway. I love it here.

Dec. 19 More snow last night. Couldn't get out of the driveway to get to work. I am exhausted from shoveling. Fucking snowplow.

Dec. 21 More of that fucking white shit fell last night. I've got blisters on my hands from shoveling snow. I think the snowplow hides around the corner and waits until I'm done shoveling the driveway. ASSHOLE!!

Dec. 25 Merry Fucking Christmas. More fucking snow!! If I ever get my hands on the son-of-a-bitch who drives the snowplow, I swear I'll kill the bastard. Don't know why they don't use more salt on the roads to melt the fucking ice.

Dec. 27 More of the white shit last night. Been inside for three days except to shovel the driveway each time the fucking snowplow goes by. Can't go anywhere. Car's stuck in a mountain of that shit. The weatherman says to expect another 10" again tonight. Do you know how many shovels full of snow 10" is??

Dec. 28 The fucking weatherman was wrong. We got 38" of that white shit this time. At this rate it won't melt before summer. The snowplow got stuck down the road and the ASSHOLE came to my door and asked to borrow my shovel. I told him I had broken six shovels already shoveling all that fucking white shit he had pushed into the driveway. I broke the seventh one over his fucking head.

Jan. 4 Finally got out of the house today. Went to the store to get groceries. On the way back, a fucking deer ran in front of the car and I hit it. About $3,000 damage to the car. Those fucking beasts should all be killed. Wish the hunters had killed them all last November.

May 3 Took the car to the garage in town. Would you believe, the son-of-a-bitch is rusting out from all the salt they put on the roads??

May 10 Moved to Florida. Can't imagine why anyone in their right minds would ever want to live in that fucking state of Massachusetts!!!!

[The Conquistador]

Two vampires are in a bar when the waiter asks them what they'd like to drink. The first vampire says, "I'll have some blood mixed with vodka." The second vampire says, "I'll just have some hot water please." Puzzled, his friend says, "Dude, we're vampires. We don't drink water." The second vampire pulls out a bloody tampon, dabs it in the water and replies with a grin, "I know. I'm making tea."

[Jenae LaTorque]

Oh gross! Reminds me of biker "red wings"

Got a laugh out of DSL's "snow story". It could of been set in Wyoming except that here the wind blows, and fills your driveway in with a snowdrift 12 feet high.

[The Conquistador]

Originally Posted by Jenae LaTorque

Oh gross! Reminds me of biker "red wings"

What is that? I take it that it is not some kind of spicy chicken recipie...

[The Conquistador]

Walking into the pub, Mike O'Malley said to Charlie the bartender, "Pour me a stiff one - just had another fight with the little woman."

Oh yeah?" said Charlie "And how did this one end?"

"When it was over," Mike replied, "she came to me on her hands and knees."

"Really," said Charles, "now that's a switch! What did she say?"

She said, "Come out from under the bed, you little chicken-shit!"

While not a "joke" per se, I thought many here would get a laugh or two out of this text entitled "Plain Facts for Old and Young" by John Harvey Kellogg, MD. Yes, that is the "Kellogg" of "Kellogg's Cereal." It was written in 1881 and while we may find it amusing today--people back then, sadly, took its advice quite seriously.

I was browsing through it and found sections on "Electricity" and "Sounding." So Kellogg was into "electrical play"! Who knew! I'll bet you won't think about "Corn Flakes" the same way ever again!

http://www.gutenberg.org/files/19924...-h/19924-h.htm