wow, creativemind i really appreciate that reply, it definitely helped.
i decided to not do it.. the night i wrote that, a few minutes later the chicken was choked, and it's very true, the mind thinks much clearer.
it was probably written out of my sexual urge if anything... now that i'm thinking clearly, i think about how it would actually be if i went through with it and i can't stand the thought of actually doing it anymore.
taking into consideration every little detail, from how i would greet her, to how i would walk, to my body posture, to the thought of going into her home and feeling like i'm in a foreign place... i don't even think i'd be able to get my dick hard to honest now that i think about it.
not to mention the std's. getting std's my first time? hah that'd be a trip. screw it.
i'll just keep my money and use it for something worth while. i would love for my first to be a genetic girl just for the sake of tradition i suppose (don't get me wrong, i love real girls just as much if not more as tgirls), but sometimes i doubt my own ability to talk to girls. i go to college so there's plenty there, but it's still tough. especially when i don't know how to keep a conversation flowing with a girl.

as for the emotional thing, about having some sort of desire for a connection instead of just sex, i realize that it'll never happen with a hooker. and just for masculinity's sake, i don't really care much when it comes to all that shit, but sure it would be nice. so that's another reason to stay away for now i guess?

anyway, i'm pretty sure i'm just gonna wait. pron is really a brilliant thing, and should be praised by psychologists, therapists, and scientists, lol because it can really keep you from doing some stupid stuff.