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#1
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No mention of the Yanks ... but
The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist
threats and have therefore raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even ?A Bit Cross." The English have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to "A Bloody Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada. The Scots have raised their threat level from "Pissed Off" to "Let's get the Bastards."They don't have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years. The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher levels in France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France?s white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country's military capability. Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides." The Germans have increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbor" and "Lose." Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels. The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy. Australia, meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries" to "She'll be alright, Mate." Two more escalation levels remain: "Crikey! I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend!" and "The barbie is canceled." So far no situation has ever warranted use of the final escalation level. -- John Cleese - British writer, actor and tall person |
#2
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- cutting all of the nation's bedsheets into small, white rectangles - printing up 50 million t-shirts that say "Don't Shoot. I'm a Collaborator." Quote:
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#3
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Why do people make fun of France as regards cowardice?
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#4
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Terrorist threats!
Hey we just send another 500 billion to the Pentagon, they'll take care of those bastards. Drones and Glocks, the American way.
__________________
"Man's capacity for justice makes democracy possible; but man's inclination to injustice makes democracy necessary." R.N. |
#5
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You should pose this question to the writers of "The Simpsons," who famously coined the term "cheese-eating surrender monkeys" in 1995.
But seriously, this is a U.S.-centered stereotype that is not widely shared in the rest of the world. France had hegemony in Europe for 150 years. France was a colonial power. Sure, there was a war where Germany invaded and France surrendered pretty quickly, but there were internal collaborators at the highest levels that facilitated that demise. If you want to know how non-surrendering (sorry to coin that word, but I couldn't think of another one) the French really are, just consider that despite everything the other official language of the United Nations remains French. |
#6
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I'd heard surrender monkey before. I had no fucking idea The Simpsons were behind it.
Last edited by Enoch Root; 02-13-2011 at 03:17 PM. |
#7
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It's obvious, they eat frogs and snails and drink lots of wine. They also invented "French kissing" and Napoleon liked to eat Josephine's pussey.
__________________
"Man's capacity for justice makes democracy possible; but man's inclination to injustice makes democracy necessary." R.N. |
#8
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I read somewhere that Josephine's pussy was like a Venus flytrap. It seems to me that eating it would take tremendous bravery, especially for a bite-size guy like Napoleon. Last edited by smc; 02-13-2011 at 03:26 PM. Reason: Fixed punctuation. |
#9
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What's this Josephine thing?
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#10
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And to think I once considered you a repository of knowledge regarding French history.
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#11
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You will receive my death poem on the morrow. |
#12
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Let's change the subject. Jodie posted so many other nationalities and the stereotypes about them; why concentrate only on the French?
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#13
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Yeah, maybe that why he was always away from home.
__________________
"Man's capacity for justice makes democracy possible; but man's inclination to injustice makes democracy necessary." R.N. |
#14
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To find out, google 'French military victories'. The first entry will pull up 'French military defeats'.
__________________
A lesbian trapped in a man's body |
#15
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Oh by the way, the Normans beat the English and took over the country.
__________________
"Man's capacity for justice makes democracy possible; but man's inclination to injustice makes democracy necessary." R.N. |
#16
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Nobody in Australia actually drinks Fosters - it's just the crud they export to us Poms...
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#17
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What is Poms?
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#18
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Who said anything about drinking?
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#19
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It's short for pommy, a term used in Australia and New Zealand (and maybe South Africa; I can't remember, to refer to someone of general "British" descent (which includes English, Welsh, Scottish, and even Irish, if from the North). It comes from "pomegranate" (if you accept what the OED states); "pummy grant" is old Australian slang for an immigrant.
There are other theories that the OED dismisses. A few years ago, the term was officially deemed "no longer offensive" in Australia -- as if officials can decide for individuals what is and isn't personally offensive. |
#20
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All the discussion of the French and surrenders above reminded me today of a joke a friend of mine in Munich told me years ago:
Why are there so many tree-lined streets and leafy lanes in France? Germans like to march in the shade. |
#21
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Only definition I ever heard over there is this one: POMMY = POME = Prisoner Of Mother England |
#22
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