My first time

I follow this great forum for a year now. So i decided to share mine experience with this community.

Last weekend I had my first transsexual experience being female. But first I need to explain why.

I was a typical closet-crosdresser and crossdress from time to time since I was 12.
2 week ago it was really though for me. My girlfriend cheated on me so I broke up with her.While I was getting dressed I decide to take it a little further, since in was single again and nobody would notice, so I took a long bath and shave my legs + the rest of my body and painted my nails. I felt very femine.
Outdoor
I Never been outdoor that way, never had the guts. But I really wanted to try without anybody to find out my dirty little secret. I was al ready dark so I rent outside into my car and start driving. There i was driving my car in a dress wearing heels, Hoping that no police would hold my ( that would be very embarrassing). After an hour or so driving around my town I was heading for home. I felt really excited but also a little disappointed because nobody (strangers) could see me. At the same moment i was thinking this I drove on a road near a forest where i know it's a local gay meeting point. I figured out that these people where most likely to tolerate me without making fun of me or gossip that they same me dressed ( since they where all discreetly). I even was thinking that they would talk to me and compliment me.

Forest
When I parked my car by the forest, there where aprox. 40-50 people ( all guys). It was Friday night so very busy. But instead of compliment me they totally ignored me. on due the fact they didn't pay much attention on me, my heart was beating so hard that I thought it would explode.

My first time
Just when I decided to go, a big masculine bolding guy came to me and start talking. He said his name was Jim and that he noticed i was very nervous. he comfort me and we talked a little. Then suddenly he start to kiss me. I was shocked and push him a way. But then I though "what the hell" and kissed him back. we ride a little deeper Into the forest and Jim start heading south. he pulled up my dress and starts to suck my cock. Unfortunately it doesn't last long, I was very nervous and cum very quickly. He laughed and told me that it was better if he was taking the lead. He command me to suck his cock. This was the first time i had a cock in my mouth. It was really weird but this was the first time I felt me like a real girl. After a few minutes he pushed me against his car. And puts on a condom. He opened me open a slowly pushes his cock into me.It hurt so much i almost started cry but Omg what a feeling. He fucked me while i was standing on heals.

Confusing, problems
My asshole still hurts ( i can barely sit :P) but after that night ( 2 weeks ago) I felt really confused. I always consider my 100 % hetero sexual. But now I feel i'm loosing intresest in girls. I still look to them but I don't think "damn what a great body i want to fuck her" Anymore instead i think like "what a great body i wish I had a body like that".

I also being en femme as much as possible. ?This weekend i've been mellany the whole time.

First I thought It was a one time thing but I really considering to go there again this Friday.

But this concerned me because I begin slowly to prefer me femine life more than my normal life. This has big consequences only my whole life because when i decided to going trough with it it changes my whole life.

I wondering should I stop now to crossress ? or at least lower the frequency ( not like this weekend) ?. It feels like i becoming addicted being a girl.


help ?