i can do it.. but i can't do it...

[franalexes]

There are two ways I can address this.
1) is to say that this girl is an escort. That means she is doing it for the money. She doesn't give a rat's ass wether you make her enjoy it or not. Nor does she care about your sensitive mixed feelings. She is not here to fall in love with you. Hurry up, drop your pants and fuck; there's another guy waiting at 11:00. If you get a STD from this, well deal with it baby. Not my f***ing problem.

2) Your 18 and your sence of sencibilities is telling you what you already know is ethically or morally correct. Yes you want sex, but you are being held back by your true desire to have someone to love in your life. Having sex with someone you love is a heck of a lot easier than trying to love someone you merely had sex with.

3) yes there is a 3rd responce. If you have sex with a person that your conscience is telling you not to, you will never trust anyone again. That sounds odd but it is also true. If you want this responce in more detail then PM me.
If you need to know, I'm NOT an escort.

[GRH]

Good descriptors Fran!

[merelypink]

Its like jumping into a cold pool!!! you know its going to be uncomfortable at first but it will feel good in the long run..!!!!!

[smc]

As someone much older than you, I'd like to offer this advice. It follows largely from what franalexes suggests.

1. It's not just, as she writes, that "having sex with someone you love is a heck of a lot easier than trying to love someone you merely had sex with." There's something very special to that sex. It is genuine lovemaking. And the fear of being a first-timer sexually only exacerbates this knowledge of the difference, and makes you wonder.

2. On the trust issue, it's also about trusting yourself. There's something to be said for getting the loss of virginity over with and then moving on from there. But you have to trust yourself as much, if not more than the partner, that now is your time. That doesn't just have to do with the love issue, but everything else you can imagine.

The good news might be that you are thinking these things through, and that it sounds (at least for now) that you are not going to lose your virginity in a drunken stupor at a party, or some similar circumstance, where any prior consideration of how you want to handle this rite of passage is essentially out the window.

[maxpowers]

A few thoughts:

Never be afraid to explore your sexuality (i would add in a moderated way), but be sure to prioritize what you really want in life. I know it sounds like too much to handle at such young age, but you have to be honest with yourself and decide what should come first: (an emotionally) meaningless sex, or a sexual relationship with someone you trust and are comfortable with exploring your sexuality. Sexuality, in my opinion, needs to be explored with caution. Instant sexual gratification is great, but you might first want to be confident in yourself and your sexuality before you can handle sex with a complete stranger. I might sound too 'romantic', but trust me, its always better to build up sexual confidence with someone you trust, otherwise your insecurities could have a bad effect in your next relationship/sexual encounter.

About STD's, i would recommend that you extreme precautions. Always, and i really mean ALWAYS wear a condom and don't try to do things that you are not experienced in yet.

Good luck.