I'm slightly worried about the emerging tone here

[TT BOY]

yeah i'm a member of a few other forums and some of the hatred and spats
i've seen, once it starts it rapidly gets out of hand and people start to leave,
and what you've got left is a few saddos arguing with fresh air.

[cyba]

I hope this can remain an open-minded forum for broad-minded discussions among folks who may view things differently but who still have the intention of being nice and even the sense to back down when hostility emerges.

intention of being nice = aptitude/intelligence

The point, period.

[SweetCharmer]

ok i'm one of the oldest (joined sense) members here and for a year it was fine and mellow. it is only in the last few weeks/months i'd say after this whole membership boom this tone got really nasty and i'm wondering where and who it started with coz how the hell does one year of calm get nearly destroyed by some negative posts. I find this all funny and a bit stupid coz in this year of posting my tone on most matters hasn't changed one bit. i just think people need to take a step back and think about things before they act and leave all grudges with the login page y'know.

Much love
sweet

[moonwalkermoon]

Hm, this is an interesting thread actually.

Someone claims that some posters publish nasty comments and thus ruin the forum. But in the course of the resulting discussion they do exactly the same.

Why is that? I think it is because they lack a simple strategy.

It always takes two to quarrel.

The simple strategy is (as in real life), if you read something you don't like, just read on.

If you meet a person that says something you don't like, just move on.

No audience, no performance.

If someone says I am an asshole why should I feel compelled to reply that he is an even bigger asshole? Apart from giving me a split second of satisfaction it won't change anything. It certainly wouldn't make the other think about his behaviour. That could be better achieved by just walking away.

Just a thought.

[Mel Asher]

Why do we so often allow ourselves to get drawn into a firefight ? If a person has a genuine grievance, then let them address it direct to the originator, and not appeal to others in the Forum to support their sense of grievance by polarising and inflaming opinions quite regardless of the consequences to others. If the private correspondence does not reach an accord, or at least an agreement to differ without further public confrontation, then that is what a Moderator is for, to advise, and sometimes to warn. I have no sympathy with people in a Forum such as this who are quite deliberately insulting - it is counter-productive as it merely serves to provide further incendiary material for the participants, to the disservice of all.

Healthy debate is one thing, seeking ego-feeding confrontations, quite another.

Use humour wisely and we will all enjoy each other's company the more.

[darkstargemini]

> remember 1 thing respect and trust r earned u don,t buy it.....

[Amy]

I can't help but laugh at how easily a thread calling for calm and an end to internal bickering descends into it.

It's like a microcosm of the entire internet...

[C.I.]

Hello all,
Nice to meet some of you
About me: for now I'll suffice to say I joined this board because I glimpsed some intelligence and a little substance to some of these posts, but...

As my first order of business I would like to commend Hank for his intelligence and level-headedness throughout with the omission of a light infraction I noted, whether it was merited or not. Your attempt to transcend the pettiness and uncivilized manner of some brash individuals is encouraging for me and part of the reason I joined.

Let's see... first impressions on a new board. Well I have plenty to say after perusing this entire thread which is quite odd for (perusing, I always have a lot to say). Despite all I do have to say I instead choose to withhold much of it for I can (quite easily) tell that it would incite the irascible and irrational members of this board, and I do not intend to initiate any vendettas. I found the intelligent responses to a parasitic conundrum quite refreshing and rather compelling and felt the urge to continue. Of course (go figure) the hope I initially held for the constituents of this corner of the virtual world quickly faded as I sifted through blatant hypocrisy, misdirected anger, prepubescent name calling, disrespect, a plea for pity on behalf of another, and racism - which is quite disturbing seeing as how we're all in the minority here - among others. On that note I'll point out the intelligent and respectful comment by Bionca.

Peace is nothing more than an ideal as it is against the basic driving characteristics of humans beings. Hate begets not equal hate, but abhorrence, and loathing in an attempt by each combatant to one-up each other until the outbreak of violence destroys the lives of them and their families leaving gashes which spew forth more vile vitriol from their survivors in a never ending cycle. He/she who hates more wins is the idea.

These tendencies are amplified by the safety net people have when they're on the internet. They feel they can say whatever they want whenever they want without the slightest consequence. Not wishing to draw the ire of the moderating team, but I feel this is compounded by the fact that many moderators refuse to enforce forum policies on most boards and also set out to harass and incite members by being overtly rude and disrespectful for absolutely no reason at all. I've seen members of forums warned/banned for things not against the rules while those breaking the rules we encouraged by that mod. I've seen an admin attack a board member and ban him because he was in a bad mood. Abuse of power.

Signature style, rambling on and getting off topic - my apologies - so I'll try and wrap this up. I always look at both sides of an argument and normally there is no answer. The grass is never greener. People get upset, and that's understandable. But why? If an ignorant individual makes an unjust attack on your character, try and see where they are coming from. I would attempt to educate them. I might ask "why would you attack me? What basis do you have for those assumptions or allegations?" If they insist on instigating a situation I would be an adult and appeal to a mod. I don't know how it works here but I would hope they would assist in defusing the problem. Causing more trouble does nothing but make two people look ignorant and childish and both be mad because of something that has no bearing in their life. Everybody here has something in common, but choose to focus on what they don't.

In tying this together I'll use my first and only explicit reference to a post. Someone expressed their disdain with guys making comments like "I want shemale sex!!!" Now neither you nor I came into this world with the knowledge we have now. All these poor saps have to go on is the porn industry and it has shaped their views on transsexual woman more commonly referred to as shemales just like the media shapes the minds of the majority whether they believe it does or not. With the minimal knowledge they possess on the subject they could not begin to understand the the complex issues of gender identity and why transsexuals are not gay and that transsexualism is not a choice et cetera. Some don't want to know and there is nothing you can do.
We as the most intelligent species should act intelligently. There will never be peace. There will always be those who purposefully or unintentionally cause a dispute. It would be wiser to rise above it and direct your energies into a positive endeavor. I would guess many members here have enough troubles in there life that they would refrain from burdening themselves with more online. Lastly people are less inclined to cause problem online if there's some type of order in place like in real life. "I don't want to go to jail" "I don't want to go to hell" "Don't want a criminal record." The online world needs a similar policing factor like everything though less corrupt. Rules should be enforced, violators should be reprimanded.
I intended for this to be around two paragraphs, and less of a disjointed ramble. Oh well.