I give up

[nmlss]

Don't say that things, Bionca. You seem a nice girl, you like comics, you're cute, so you'll find the man you really deserve. You just need to search in the right places. Don't think that all men are like that two last dates.

Go out party and have good times with your friends, don't search for love and you'll find it, that's the trick.

[cham]

Don't give up!

Cham

[live4pantyhose]

wow, sorry to hear that.

but don't give up. as it was said above, you're a gorgeous girl that seems cool, so you WILL find the right dude

[t0st]

don't worry baby i'm here for you :P anything you need just let me know :P

[Bionca]

It's not just about the last two dates. It's the scads of guys who absolutely fail to show up for a date and don't call for weeks (and then expect me to be perfectly ok with what happened and accept "I got nervous" as an excuse). It's the guy who made perfectly clear that he wasn't looking for an escort, and for some reason found it hard to believe I wasn't looking for payment who then detailed what he expected from me sexually and strongly hinted at what type of clothes I should wear.

At work tonight it dawned on me that I really think lots of guys think of Trans*women as "fake" girls or "Substitute" girls, so they take us on "fake" or "substitute" dates. Also, obviously the only connecting point in all of these disasters is..well.. me. So, perhaps I just need to take a gander at what I'm sending out into the world.

[Talvenada]

Originally Posted by Bionca

It's not just about the last two dates. It's the scads of guys who absolutely fail to show up for a date and don't call for weeks (and then expect me to be perfectly ok with what happened and accept "I got nervous" as an excuse). It's the guy who made perfectly clear that he wasn't looking for an escort, and for some reason found it hard to believe I wasn't looking for payment who then detailed what he expected from me sexually and strongly hinted at what type of clothes I should wear.

At work tonight it dawned on me that I really think lots of guys think of Trans*women as "fake" girls or "Substitute" girls, so they take us on "fake" or "substitute" dates. Also, obviously the only connecting point in all of these disasters is..well.. me. So, perhaps I just need to take a gander at what I'm sending out into the world.

BIONCA,

Love is not for the faint of heart, and it's not some storybook event, either. You have to know who you are, and who they are. So-called real girls have the same exact issues as you do: cheap dates, I'll-listen-to-your-BS-to-get-you-in-bed dates, I-want-you-to-dress-for-me dates, not-dressed-for-a-date dates, piece-on-the-side dates, liars, cheaters, sexers, users, etc. That is why you'll hear a lot of women complain about how all men are liars and cheaters, about how all men want is sex.

You may be braver than the men you date, but are you smarter?

How many times have you given up already?

You are partially right about the signal you're sending, but not completely. You need to identify what you want, what you can get, what you'll settle for, what you are worth. Having established that, you need something that sets you apart from the competition. EXAMPLE: Bill had love, marriage and a child w/ Hillary--only sex w/ the others--because she shared his passion for politics. The real you needs to establish your interests to attract a guy who shares those interests, like a Trekkie, for example. Be prepared for a long wait, even one that may never come. Since marriage was no longer a prerequisite for sexual indulgences, the women in this country have a more difficult road to the alter w/ lots of them waiting for a day that eludes them.

There are lots of other things you can do, but I don't want to bore you all the moving parts (not a physical reference).

You seriously need to list where you are from, because it only takes one guy who wants a translady for a relationship from your corner of the world. Say Queens, NY (pun intended), and that's a big area w/ no specific address, but a guy who's interested might realize that you are not on the other side of the country. It also eliminates someone who is. This forum has men who want that type of relationship, if they are to be believed.

Remember, no one has ever said it would be easy.

I could have said don't give up, you're so cute; but you need more than a shoulder to cry on.

Well, good hunting, Sweetest Heart.

[hankhavelock]

Originally Posted by Bionca

At work tonight it dawned on me that I really think lots of guys think of Trans*women as "fake" girls or "Substitute" girls, so they take us on "fake" or "substitute" dates. Also, obviously the only connecting point in all of these disasters is..well.. me. So, perhaps I just need to take a gander at what I'm sending out into the world.

Honey, I'm really sorry... and just as disappointed as you are... every time I hear this story it hurts me to the bottom of my soul. Every time I can only think: Oh well, just another guy who wasn't ready for it, who hadn't thought it through, who was just in it for own sinister pleasure, who was experimenting, who didn't know the treasure in his hands...

I know so many transsexual women even here who have the same experience over and over and over again... it's frustrating! And again and again and again they HOPE! And come with their big smiles, their sweet minds and their open, vulnerable hearts. Just once again to be let down...

It's so unfair and so ridiculous. So no words of "cheer up, baby, all is gonna be fine" from me. Because fact is that for a very long time it probably is NOT gonna be any better.

Rats...

For what it's worth, Bionca... at least I love you and adore you, and if we were in the same part of the world I can assure you that I would do all in my powers to get you. You are a gorgeous woman with a beautiful mindset! So easy to fall in love with.

And for what it's also worth... I just had a conversation with an extremely attractive and smart transsexual woman here in my town that I invited to dinner. She was almost falling off her chat chair when I suggested that we rendevous at one of the more fancy restaurants in town... "but... I'm a transsexual... are you sure it's wise for you...?".

That hurts me just as much.

I'M A TRANSSEXUAL... CAN YOU BE SEEN TOGETHER WITH ME?

FUCK!

YES, my darling, I can and will be seen with you! I want to hold you close when we stroll the main archades, kiss you in public, smile at you and yell how much I love you... my woman! May you be as proud of me as I am of YOU!

So Bionca, sweetheart, darling, get the cats, but don't get the blues... hang in there, baby, I refuse to believe that in that great country of yours there isn't a single man who can grasp your qualities... and grasp you off the ground!

You'll be a gorgeous bride!

1000000000 kisses and thoughts of and to you, my friend.

H

[CreativeMind]

Originally Posted by nmlss

Go out party and have good times with your friends, don't search for love and you'll find it, that's the trick.

I totally agree with that. A few years ago I went on a business trip with a friend of mine to a trade show. Like me, he was single and incredibly frustrated by the dating scene simply because no matter what we tried to do...no matter how hard we tried...we couldn't seem to meet anyone or get anything going. Like you, Bionca, we just wanted to give up on love and swear off finding anyone forever. So, we boarded a plane and headed off on our business trip determined to just kick back and have fun on the company's dime.

So, there we were at this trade show where we adopted a casual and light attitude about everything. We were nice to anyone we met, but we shrugged off any problems that came up. At the same time, there was a group of about 15-20 girls doing trade show booth duty next to ours. So, we struck up a conversation... throughout the day everyone would go back and forth chatting... and later that night we ran into them at the hotel bar where we all drank, danced, laughed, and partied till dawn. And by the time we were done, he and I walked away with a helluva lot of phone numbers.

As we were flying home, I said to my friend, "I don't get it. First we can't meet anyone and now in one weekend we collect a zillion numbers to call." And he replied: "Here's my theory. When guys (or girls) are looking to meet someone, they exude a pheromone. The only problem is sometimes you work at things too hard...you want it too much...so you give off a frantic pheromone, and that keeps people away. But once we switched to not caring, now we gave off nothing. This time the smell worked in our favor!"

LOL and I think that's true. That's why I agree with NMLSS. Sometimes the trick is to not search for love, but to let it find you. The key is to take a step back...take a deep breath...relax...and just let life happen as it will.

And I agree with everyone else trying to support you here. You're one of the nicest people posting away on the message boards...your photo avatar shows that you are clearly very pretty...so I'm sure you will meet the "right guy" along the way. But a few bad dates is no reason to give up on love. If nothing else, just remember that given the way these jerks acted -- certainly this latest guy -- the problem was with them and not with you.