Waiting for my dream girl

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She's saying: "Dr. Andy. About my grade..."

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“Future Wife” edition.

(Last one’s name is Vanessa. She’s saying: “Andy, silly boy, you need to learn about real football...” )

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More "Future Wives." From Pinterest.

First one's name is "Lindsey." Her bio sounds more like a dating profile: Single. 5'6". 120lbs. 27. Sounds perfect!

The fourth picture. The B/W one. Very impressive physique. My first thought was "wonder what it would be like to have sex with someone like that?"

Last one. Was in a car accident and woke up dead. She was standing over me. "Andy, sorry, you ended up in the bad place. Now you will have to serve me for eternity. I know you like both cis and trans women so guess what else I've got for you? You naughty boy (giggle)..."

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An ad for a dating service? But I’m married... Anyway... Seriously, do you really think you’d meet someone who looks like that? And she’s like 19. I mean really...

Do I need to even say that Michelle is of course my “future wife”?

Internet Marketing has been a “thing” since “Dr. Andy” was in middle school. Back then it was called “B2C.” Dr. Andy knows something about this stuff. Especially Market Research and Data Analysis. To him, it appears the dumbest “content” is what gets the most attention today. Christ, I saw a guy on CNN giving political commentary complete with pop up text boxes and emojis all over the screen. He was talking fast and pointing at them like some kind of stupid TikTok video made by a 9 year old. I had to switch channels... Sorry CNN. But maybe my new friend can explain it all to me over dinner?

Well I know what works for me at least... Maybe we could try doing it together?

Yes. Anna is also a “future wife.” Unless my current wife shoots me first... Just hope she’s “over 18.”

“Thirst Traps” are for real! It is a phenomenon brought about by our narcissistic, selfie culture, and the perceived need for everyone to be a “celebrity.” But finally I think I’ve figured out the “hidden secret” to Internet Marketing. It’s as it’s always been: Sex Sells!!!

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I'm going to have to quit TikTok before my wife files for divorce.

Couldn't help this one. At first thought it was for something else... Guess I just have a dirty mind.

(But only 5mm? Maybe it's not the length that matters... )

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“Dr. Andy” did in fact accept the job of coaching the UCLA Women’s Volleyball team. He flew out to California yesterday.

First practice went very well... Afterwards all the players piled on top of him as part of an “initiation.” He wasn’t complaining. Ask me if I love my work?

Third pic. Her name is Tessa. Pretty sure she’s a “Future Wife.” 6’2” and a Junior, she would most likely have been born in 2001-02. So she would be... umm... slightly younger than Dr. Andy.

(I can see it now. Our first argument. She's saying: "Dammit Andy, quit being such a millennial about everything!" )

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My new doll came configured with "AI" and was self-aware. She's saying: "Well Andy... the reason it never goes down is because you ordered me this way. Remember?"