Waiting for my dream girl

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Today’s #1 “fake ad” suggests that “Zionsville” is one of the 30 worst cities in the United States.

That may well be the case… However I was born and raised in Detroit.

Based on my experiences living there I think Detroit may be slightly worse than Zionsville. Just slightly…

But as any “Tigers Fan” should instantly recognize, that is Kate Upton in the picture. aka “Mrs. Justin Verlander”

My question: “Why was she wearing a Yankees hat?”

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This “Zora” character has real possibilities. “Future wife”? I mean here and here for example.

But there’s more…

Hell yes! Besides I’ve always wanted to move back to New York.

She said “Andy, I warned your ex what would happen if she tried to get back into your life…”

“Tell me where the fuck Zionsville IS asshole!”

My bad. We were just “playing games” in our back yard. Never should have left her alone to go back into the house. She’s screaming because our neighbor came over. Shit, I’d scream too if my hair looked like his. By the way dickhead, get lost. Now where were we?

NOT Zora. But this reminds me, the “Indy 500” will be coming up in a few weeks.

Seriously, "Jacula"? I have NO idea what this is all about… But her ass though.

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My wife says I should stop "beating off" all the time.

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Met her on a "mature dating site." Said her name was Lorena.

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Didn’t know exactly where to post this one. Hate “stomping” on others posts (some good ones lately ) so I’ll post it here. Besides, this thread is all about getting laid. Making a big impression on her is the key. So if wearing an expensive watch doesn’t do it… I don’t know what will.

Except these aren’t “expensive watches.” The first was featured in a “fake ad” today on CNN. It’s a “replica” Rolex. The “real” Rolex Yacht Master goes for about $25,000 USD. But you can get this one for only $600.

The one on the right is mine. I bought it in Mexico way back in 2004 when my “ex” and I drove across the United States. I have relatives that live in Green Valley and from there it’s just a short drive to Nogales. Think I gave the guy a $100 bill. Surprised it is still running after 16 years. Have worn it a few times. The biggest thing that gives it away is the “24 Carat Gold” is beginning to wear off in a couple places.

(Had to “declare” it coming back through customs. That, and two bottles of Tequila that have long since been consumed…)

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Today’s best “fake ad” just came up on my phone. “Recommendations based on topics and channels that you read.” Guess that's obvious.

Maybe I could help her with her “social media strategy”?

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Shit. I don't know what I'd do if it weren't for these "fake ads." I actually sort of look forward to them now...

She's saying: "Andy, I'm here in Zionsville. Where are you?"

(Not all fake ads however. Just got one telling me "Dr. Phil has a special offer just for you!" )