How "passable"/feminine must I be? Just to have fun.

[valentinetabitha]

Every person is going to be different, so there's no real standard for feminity. Like SMC, you should focus on what makes you happy, because ultimately that's what's most important.

Just remember, in the dark, we all look the same.

[franalexes]

stay connected to this forum. try seeeking out Cds. At least they think like you do. That will make your "first" much easier.

[Bionca]

Absolutely great advice so far. I especially like Fran's comment. I think talking to Cross Dressers will be really beneficial for you. Not only for general support and understanding, but for using clothes and makeup to best minimize any "masculine traits" you may have.

Finding guys to hook up - well, that's hard to gauge. Some guys dearly love meeting CD/TVs while others won't even consider them as options no matter how "convincing" they are.

Some things to consider about your body:

1) Hair loss can be corrected - Either surgically or with medicine (if it's bothering you at all, you may want to talk to your DR about Finastricide (sp?)

2) Neck, torso, hands, feet, and shoulders are something you will not be able to change, so learning how to work around them will probably be important. Remember though, women come in every shape and size - so there will be women who naturally have bigger shoulders than you (for example)

Shopping is actually easy:

1) Figure out your sizes and do it online - sizing can be tricky, so make sure you read the shop's return policy.

2) Walk into a store with a "list" and say you are having an anniversary, birthday, w/e for a friend/wide/mother and would like some assistance. Folks in shops love to help guys pick out clothes for the women in their lives.

3) If you are in a department store, and don't want to bother or are otherwise to afraid to talk to one of the employees - buy your clothes and then pick up a card or some wrapping paper (see above)

4) If you live in or near a city, most shops for "big/tall women" do a ton of business with all members of the local trans* community. There is a good chance they have a discrete changing room just for you.

5) Most important - Act like you have every reason to be in that place buying those items. If you act like people should be staring at you and whispering, they will. (Remember this every time you "dress up" and you will probably have a ball)

6) almost forgot - visit a local thrift store or second-hand shop. It's an inexpensive way to get some classic basics (black skirts, white tops etc.) as well as figure out what styles, cuts, lengths, colors , etc. work for you. I guarantee the people there won't care who you are or what you buy.

I cannot possibly add to the excellent advice already given, so I will just add my support and wish you the best and also remind you that you will find a lot of friends here. Just be yourself and have fun!

[getinsideme]

Thank you all for your very helpful responses.

I think it might be quite a while before I totally understand what would make a guy interested in a girl like me, but I'm relieved to know that there are men out there who can not only look past, but even appreciate the less-than-feminine qualities I have. I can't wait to find one! I'm excited to see where this takes me.

Bionca - thank you for the specific shopping advice. I'm going to work on getting the types of clothes which flatter my body type [a key factor with all women's clothes, I think].

I have a pair of follow-up questions. First, what is the best way to go about meeting (or at least talking to) CDs who are willing to help me learn how to dress? Second, where can I meet men? Of course, this is a huge, open ended question, but even some examples would be helpful. The best I can think of is craigslist. I won't be confident enough to go out for a very long time, but I'd still like to start connecting - in person - with people who might want to be with me. Again, thank you so much for your advice.